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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DOE DP/DH just follow them around the house all the time?

540 replies

bringwineplease · 13/01/2021 14:26

I get the feeling this will be a resounding NO from many of you so this is probably more of a vent rather than "is this normal?"

Does anyone else's partners/husbands just follow them from room to room all the time?! It's getting so bad, I feel like I've got another dog!

A few recent examples:
Monday after work, DP comes through to the kitchen to meet me. Stand and chat for a few minutes while I put my bag down, coat off. Tell him I'm going upstairs to get changed... he follows me up the stairs, across the landing, into the dressing room, then I went into the bedroom for my slippers, follows me in there too, back in the dressing room to brush my hair, follows, walk halfway back to the stairs, realise I've forgotten my phone charger so back into the bedroom, and he's right behind me again! Sometimes he's nattering away, other times just watching.

Like the weekend, I walked from the kitchen to the utility to put a wash load on, turn round and he's standing silently watching me load the machine. Hmm

Weekend just passed, I thought a miracle had occurred as I had managed to have almost a full bath in peace. Then I heard shuffling outside the door like he's pacing up and down the hall. Then a quiet "hows your bath going?" "yes fine", a few seconds later hes opening the door Hmm I said "hey hold on a minute!" and scooped my towel off the floor before he jammed it under the door. He says "why have you put your towel in front of the door?" then looks around the room for a few seconds before turning the extractor fan on! I said "what are you doing? I'm trying to have some peace and quiet!" he just looked at me confused and shut the door again Confused

I know these examples sound silly but he's literally following me from room to room. Even if I'm just running upstairs quickly to get something, he follows me up. Sometimes I'm literally back at the top of the stairs again waiting to go down and catch him there. I said "I was coming right back!" He waits a few seconds pretending he's doing something then comes back down again.

Last Sunday I snapped and said "ffs it's like having a labrador puppy, you follow me everywhere!" he said "what's wrong with that? aren't we supposed to be together at the weekend?" Confused

Its infuriating! I feel suffocated! Thankfully he works nights so I get some peace in the evenings. Does anyone else have this problem???

OP posts:
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5
SleepingStandingUp · 13/01/2021 14:29

Only with my 5 yo.

Rather than a statement, try a question

Why are you following me?
Because we're meant to be together.
I do not need an audience. Please go down stairs.
But I....
I am getting something. Go downstairs and wait or I will go for a walk. Alone.

QueenOfPain · 13/01/2021 14:31

I posted a similar thread about a very attentive DP the other day. I feel you, OP.

gamerchick · 13/01/2021 14:34

That would drive me mad a bit if it was all the time.

RIBlue · 13/01/2021 14:34

I get this to an extent, not silently following me as such but definitely if he’s telling me something. I got home with bags of shopping last night and he literally followed me back and forth from the island where the bags were to the fridge and cupboards. I did say in the end that if he was going to come with me he could at least bring some stuff to put away with him. He apologised and looked perplexed like he hadn’t realised he was doing it!

Butterymuffin · 13/01/2021 14:34

What was he like before Covid? How was he then about you going places and meeting people without him?

ApolloandDaphne · 13/01/2021 14:37

God that would be annoying. Me and DH are at home all the time right now and I barely see him! We both like a bit of space.

TurnOffTheTv · 13/01/2021 14:39

My husband doesn't follow me, but he always seems to be in the bloody way, hovering while I'm in the kitchen doing stuff. I just stand and stare at him till he pisses off!

Respectabitch · 13/01/2021 14:43

I have this with my 2yo. Not with my DH, no. It sounds maddening. It's maddening enough with the 2yo.

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2021 14:44

He sounds really clingy
I couldn’t cope with this

HowOnerous · 13/01/2021 14:44

Yes mine does, and then when you're cooking, its suddenly time to fix a problemwith the dishwasher he just noticed in the middle of everything Hmm

JazzyGeoff · 13/01/2021 14:45

God I don't even know him and I want to strangle him.

FippertyGibbett · 13/01/2021 14:45

I’d find it a bit creepy if my DH was following me.
Try shutting a door behind you and see what happens.

WakingUp55643 · 13/01/2021 14:46

I had this when dh was going through a major bout of anxiety and he 'needed' me. Now he's ok again he's back to normal doing his own thing
Hmm

user1493413286 · 13/01/2021 14:46

That sounds like my 3 year old; I’d find that way too much from DH

Sparklfairy · 13/01/2021 14:47

Awwwww he wuuuuuuvs you Grin

Seriously though. Annoying. Every time he follows you, give him a chore you hate. Oh while you're here can you just...?

LindaEllen · 13/01/2021 14:54

It sounds annoying. But I've been 'the follower'. I have an anxiety disorder and although I can manage most of the time, I do get occasional periods where I can't bear to be on my own - so I do get clingy like this, and come in to talk to DP if he's in the bath etc. It doesn't happen that often and he's understanding. When I lived with my mum I'd try to spend a lot of time with her too so it's not specific to DP. More like avoiding spending any time at all on my own because doing so just let's my mind wander massively, which isn't good for me at all.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/01/2021 15:01

I'd be locking the bathroom door and seriously considering if I still want to be with this weird stalker man.

Sounds so suffocating. Not normal at all.
It's like he's checking on you, the odd coming in the bathroom and looking around.

getsomehelp · 13/01/2021 15:03

H lying on the sofa, watching me.... I mostly ignore it, but can get spikey & say, "do you want my photo/do you want to do it"/nothing better to do with your time ?.....
Hate. it.

AngusThermopyle · 13/01/2021 15:09

I'd bloody hate that.
The bathroom incident sounds like he was suspicious of something though.
Have you tried sitting down and explaining its weird/annoying and pissing you off? If so, what did he say ?

JustAnotherUserinParadise · 13/01/2021 15:14

haha my cats do this... I come out of the shower and they're both sitting there waiting for me! Would drive me nuts if DH did it!

Sunshineandflipflops · 13/01/2021 15:20

My cat does this too!

I don't live with my partner but when he is here he sometimes does this and because I'm used to my own space and not being accountable to anyone else, i do find it a little suffocating. He suffers with anxiety though so that might be why.

If I lived with him I'd have to mention it.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/01/2021 15:51

Those examples don't sound silly, they sound creepy and clingy!

TiddyTid · 13/01/2021 16:04

He sounds paranoid that you're up to something. I'd have it out with him.

bringwineplease · 13/01/2021 17:36

It is seriously suffocating. It's not really a new thing, but it has really ramped up in the last couple of weeks.
He's also been texting constantly while I'm at work. Like every half hour sort of thing. Even if I don't reply.

Last weekend was the only time I've really mentioned it. He seemed surprised, but it hasn't deterred him.

OP posts:
Vigorothello · 13/01/2021 17:39

That would drive me absolutely insane. How have you not asked why he’s doing it?

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