DOE DP/DH just follow them around the house all the time?

[bringwineplease]

I get the feeling this will be a resounding NO from many of you so this is probably more of a vent rather than "is this normal?"

Does anyone else's partners/husbands just follow them from room to room all the time?! It's getting so bad, I feel like I've got another dog!

A few recent examples:
Monday after work, DP comes through to the kitchen to meet me. Stand and chat for a few minutes while I put my bag down, coat off. Tell him I'm going upstairs to get changed... he follows me up the stairs, across the landing, into the dressing room, then I went into the bedroom for my slippers, follows me in there too, back in the dressing room to brush my hair, follows, walk halfway back to the stairs, realise I've forgotten my phone charger so back into the bedroom, and he's right behind me again! Sometimes he's nattering away, other times just watching.

Like the weekend, I walked from the kitchen to the utility to put a wash load on, turn round and he's standing silently watching me load the machine.

Weekend just passed, I thought a miracle had occurred as I had managed to have almost a full bath in peace. Then I heard shuffling outside the door like he's pacing up and down the hall. Then a quiet "hows your bath going?" "yes fine", a few seconds later hes opening the door I said "hey hold on a minute!" and scooped my towel off the floor before he jammed it under the door. He says "why have you put your towel in front of the door?" then looks around the room for a few seconds before turning the extractor fan on! I said "what are you doing? I'm trying to have some peace and quiet!" he just looked at me confused and shut the door again

I know these examples sound silly but he's literally following me from room to room. Even if I'm just running upstairs quickly to get something, he follows me up. Sometimes I'm literally back at the top of the stairs again waiting to go down and catch him there. I said "I was coming right back!" He waits a few seconds pretending he's doing something then comes back down again.

Last Sunday I snapped and said "ffs it's like having a labrador puppy, you follow me everywhere!" he said "what's wrong with that? aren't we supposed to be together at the weekend?"

Its infuriating! I feel suffocated! Thankfully he works nights so I get some peace in the evenings. Does anyone else have this problem???

I would have to tell him to stop and if he didn’t then we’d be done

I don’t get how you haven’t had the “wtf are you doing? Why are you following me?”screamed convo!

Pre lockdown would he be a bit sulky / off with you if you had a night out without him for example?

Does he live with you? If not tell him to go home for a bit.

God, the examples you gave would drive me mad, such odd behaviour.

I would definitely lock the bathroom door but also point out to him that he is behaving very oddly.

Yes but only in lockdown. He hates not being able to exercise, play golf, work in the office and banter etc so I am his whole source of entertainment and it drives me nuts.

If DH did that I'd threaten to bury him under the patio

I wouldn't say he was sulky as such when I went out, but he would text regularly and wait up for me, even if I wasn't going to be home until late. He used to get annoyed when I text "I'm probably just going to have one more drink then come home", and I was still out an hour later I can see how that would annoy him though.

Obviously haven't had any nights out for well over a year now. Not sure what has caused the sudden ramp in his behaviour.

I think you need to be direct.

It's really annoying when you traipse up and down stairs after me, or follow me to a different room when I'm coming back. Please stop.

Me and my boyfriend ARE in the same room loads of the time because my house is so tiny! But we are extremely good at ignoring each other (in a companionable way!) All good.

If he followed me around and wanted to talk to me all the time, I would absolutely want to stab him in the head. If he came in when I was in the bath, unless I had invited him to do so, I’d be tempted to drown him in it!

Company is lovely. Especially during lockdown, it’s essential (I have felt a bit mad seeing so few people - and I am extraordinarily anti-social!) But still. You need to have some source of privacy in your own home. It pisses me off to be honest even when my cat wants to come into the bathroom with me (which he does),

If your DH is otherwise a good guy, maybe worth having a serious check-in with him? Just to check how his mental health is going, and how he is coping with lock-down?

This is really odd behaviour. Surely he has realized that by suffocating you, he is more likely to drive you away?

If this was my dh I’d be sitting him down to tell him I am really worried about him and that lockdown seems to be really getting to him. I’d be telling him that it’s not normal and indicated an out of control level of anxiety.

My dh also seems to have out of control anxiety but his manifests the opposite way, he’s so inside his own head he looks right through me and probably wouldn’t notice if I disappeared.

Does he have anyone he can properly talk to on the phone or zoom? I actually thought the second series of staged was really good about showing how the two characters had supported each other.

This sounds quite odd. Never experienced it with a grown man, but have with the dog and toddlers.

I really don't think its loneliness or anxiety.
He's still going to work every day, chats to every Tom, Dick, and Harry when he's at the park with the dog, calls his mum daily, the rest of his family weekly. I think that's why I got so long in the bath, because he was on the phone to his auntie

Of course I enjoy his company but I have absolutely zero privacy at home.

My DSS is like this, not so bad but will just appear and stand, usually in a door way, or somewhere in the way, he's 20! So annoying, I feel your pain.

The getting in the way drives me nuts! Just nipping into a room for something quickly, turn around and I'm practically walking into him, he's right behind me!

No I couldn't stand that at all, it's weird, creepy and clingy. On the rare occasion I went shopping with my exH he used to trip me up he'd be so close to me, it was like having a conjoined twin.

@bringwineplease

I wouldn't say he was sulky as such when I went out, but he would text regularly and wait up for me, even if I wasn't going to be home until late. He used to get annoyed when I text "I'm probably just going to have one more drink then come home", and I was still out an hour later I can see how that would annoy him though.

Obviously haven't had any nights out for well over a year now. Not sure what has caused the sudden ramp in his behaviour.

Thought so. He doesn't sound like he has a very healthy style of attachment. It's ok for you to not like that, even if he is one of the 'Im a nice guy, sorry for loving you too much' types! My ex like this wasn't overtly abusive as such but fuck me, it was annoying being constantly looked at with doe eyes and put on a pedestal that I never asked to be on and didn't suit me because it was unrealistic for anyone. Cringe when I look back at him now!

I heard shuffling outside the door like he's pacing up and down the hall. Then a quiet "hows your bath going?" "yes fine", a few seconds later hes opening the door

How’s your bath going... Christ. You are the model of tolerance OP.

Maybe he’s lonely / bored with the lockdown situation ?
As long as he’s not doing it in a weird controlling way and just generally wants your company

The bath thing was very weird. It's not unusual for him to ask "hows it going in there?" because my baths are usually an hour long but he doesn't normally just barge in. And he wasn't looking at me in the bath like I would have expected, he was just looking around the room then turned the noisy fan on for no reason.

I would say he's suspicious of you and thinks you're doing something you shouldn't be (I'm not saying that you are!) so if you know you're not then maybe he is projecting

Again, don't think its boredom from lockdown. I'm the one whinging about not being able to go for a meal/weekends away/few drinks at the local on a friday night. He said he's not bothered either way.

workwork this thought has crossed my mind.