DOE DP/DH just follow them around the house all the time?

[bringwineplease]

I get the feeling this will be a resounding NO from many of you so this is probably more of a vent rather than "is this normal?"

Does anyone else's partners/husbands just follow them from room to room all the time?! It's getting so bad, I feel like I've got another dog!

A few recent examples:
Monday after work, DP comes through to the kitchen to meet me. Stand and chat for a few minutes while I put my bag down, coat off. Tell him I'm going upstairs to get changed... he follows me up the stairs, across the landing, into the dressing room, then I went into the bedroom for my slippers, follows me in there too, back in the dressing room to brush my hair, follows, walk halfway back to the stairs, realise I've forgotten my phone charger so back into the bedroom, and he's right behind me again! Sometimes he's nattering away, other times just watching.

Like the weekend, I walked from the kitchen to the utility to put a wash load on, turn round and he's standing silently watching me load the machine.

Weekend just passed, I thought a miracle had occurred as I had managed to have almost a full bath in peace. Then I heard shuffling outside the door like he's pacing up and down the hall. Then a quiet "hows your bath going?" "yes fine", a few seconds later hes opening the door I said "hey hold on a minute!" and scooped my towel off the floor before he jammed it under the door. He says "why have you put your towel in front of the door?" then looks around the room for a few seconds before turning the extractor fan on! I said "what are you doing? I'm trying to have some peace and quiet!" he just looked at me confused and shut the door again

I know these examples sound silly but he's literally following me from room to room. Even if I'm just running upstairs quickly to get something, he follows me up. Sometimes I'm literally back at the top of the stairs again waiting to go down and catch him there. I said "I was coming right back!" He waits a few seconds pretending he's doing something then comes back down again.

Last Sunday I snapped and said "ffs it's like having a labrador puppy, you follow me everywhere!" he said "what's wrong with that? aren't we supposed to be together at the weekend?"

Its infuriating! I feel suffocated! Thankfully he works nights so I get some peace in the evenings. Does anyone else have this problem???

Christ, this is moving from "lost puppy dog" to "I know what you did last summer". Sorry guys, I just keep remembering the little things and thinking actually that seems odd... I've maybe just become desensitised to certain comments over time.

And yet you're continuing to humour him. I would have battered him with a slipper long ago.

Seriously. This must be a wind up.

@SnoozyLou

Christ, this is moving from "lost puppy dog" to "I know what you did last summer". Sorry guys, I just keep remembering the little things and thinking actually that seems odd... I've maybe just become desensitised to certain comments over time.

And yet you're continuing to humour him. I would have battered him with a slipper long ago.

Seriously. This must be a wind up.

Not necessarily. If he was being aggressive with it - 'WHERE DID THE FLASH COME FROM WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN WHO HAVE YOU SEEN' it would be more obvious. At the moment she's probably just rolling her eyes and thinking he's being a twat again and putting it down to too much time together in lockdown and getting on each others nerves a bit.

At the moment she's probably just rolling her eyes and thinking he's being a twatagain Yep. I didn't even react. I just said "no, got plenty of that" and breezed on with what I was doing. Didn't even look up.

I'm glad someone else finds the Flash thing strange. It's not even as if I buy it all the time, I buy whatever is on offer. It's not a household name for us.

It's just one of hundreds of examples. Last year he was brazen about it asking me outright: so was Tesco busy last night? (When I didn't tell him I had went, and Tesco is the other side of town so how did he know I went there?) Did you enjoy your chocolate bar last night? (Wrapper was in the bin, not just laying around). I pulled him up on it, telling him I felt like I was being watched, so he stopped.

Now, it feels like he's still observing, just not telling me about it.

That is some creepy stuff you've written. I'd feel totally suffocated, has he always been a bit weird and just getting weirder in the last year or was he totally normal in the early days of your relationship?

Absolutely normal in the early days.
This behaviour started probably 15 months or so ago? Ramped up so bad that I just imploded, told him I'd had enough and needed space, he moved out for a few weeks, we saw a counsellor. He's been "tentative" to my needs but nothing near like he used to be. Now its feels like its ramping up again with the sly little comments being the start of it. But I wanted to know if I was just being hypersensitive before I called him out on it.

That should say "attentive" of my needs, not tentative, sorry! Its early

No, this is making my skin crawl.

How did he know about Tesco?

Check your phone. Bet he has a tracker on it.

And he's obviously rummaging around the bin to see what you've been up to.

Honestly this is creepy af. I'd be throwing this one back into the sea.

What do you know about this man in terms of relationship history and family background?.

He comes across as both a dangerous and manipulative individual. I have read about similar men on here and this one takes this behaviour against you to new heights.

None of what he is doing here is normal behaviour in a relationship.

And no, you were not being hypersensitive.

Why did you write “we” saw a counsellor?. I would never have advised such a course of action with him at all. This is all on him and is about him. He has not changed and is now merely ramping this all up against you yet again. When someone tells you who they are you need to believe them.

I also think it is only when you are free of him that you will actually realise the full extent of his behaviours.

Tesco- he claims he saw the receipt laying around and wondered what it was so he read it.

So I think I know what's happened with the Flash now. While I was buying that, I got a few other bits at the shops including a birthday card for him. I unpacked the Flash, then just stuffed the bag with the rest of the stuff into the bottom of my wardrobe with a view to dealing with it later. Went into the wardrobe to get dressed this morning and the bag has been moved, and the shoe boxes next to it tipped over a bit. So he's obviously had a rummage through there and the bottle of Flash has been on the receipt so he's just using that to make his point whatever point that may be

@ReallySpicyCurry

No, this is making my skin crawl.

How did he know about Tesco?

Check your phone. Bet he has a tracker on it.

And he's obviously rummaging around the bin to see what you've been up to.

Honestly this is creepy af. I'd be throwing this one back into the sea.

This.

I wouldn’t be able to live like that in my own home. The fact that it’s escalated before means it’s clearly an issue he’s aware of as well - you need to call him out clearly and say that things are getting bad again and you’re not prepared to put up with feeling like you’re being investigated in your own home.

We know almost everything about each other and each others families- we've been together for over a decade.

"We" saw a counsellor because I was feeling resentful about feeling suffocated and was at the end of my tether. He was also extremely lazy and did nothing around the house. That has done a complete 180 though.

"Investigated in your own home" - absolutely this.

The one that made me lose it last year was I decided to "test" him. I ordered myself a takeaway pizza (which I never do) from our local peri peri place (which we've never ordered from before) thoroughly enjoyed it, put the (plain) wrappers in the bin then the bin bag straight out into the wheelie bin outside. Low and behold, the very next morning- "did you enjoy your takeaway last night?" "how the hell did you know I got a takeaway last night???" "I could smell it as soon as I walked through the door last night, what was it? Peri peri chicken?"

This is all extremely bizarre behaviour and I don't know how you've coped with it for so long.
I couldn't live with someone who was constantly checking what I was doing and somehow knew everything even though he wasn't there and I didn't say.
I know you've been with him a long time but be careful, especially when you call him out on it

This is very strange behaviour, not in any sense normal. You are not being hypersensitive.

The following me around bit would drive me mad. But added to the other things he says and does it is creepy behaviour with very nasty undertones.

As you have asked him to leave before you must be aware this is not normal. He is either mentally unwell and needs professional help, or he's a very nasty piece of work and you could be in danger if he gets worse.

Goes to show how conditioned we become to bloody weird behaviour if we live with it long enough.

Last time you had counselling, what did he say about the traipsing around after you and checking up on all the tiny inconsequential things you do?

The traipsing from room to room has only been a recent thing -in the past month.

The checking up on me- he claimed he doesn't. He says he "just notices things".

The counsellor called him out on it, and said yeah you may notice these things but how to you think it makes bringwine feel when you're questioning her about it? He didn't really have an answer for it but he has stopped doing it. 5 months have passed without any obvious signs of snooping despite being able to smell the new dumbbells I bought?? but the past 3-4 weeks, his behaviour has turned strange again. I just wasn't sure if I was being paranoid or hypersensitive.

It sounds to me like he might need to follow up your next bout of joint counselling with some solo counselling to get to the bottom of why he feels the need to stalk supervise you.

Thats if he hasn't finally gone too far and you still have enough patience to stick with him?

@bringwineplease Did he specifically say he could smell dumbbells or was it more of a "what's that smell?"

OP sorry but I would just have to call him out on it it every single time and point out how weird he is being eg "why are you being so weird and passive aggressive about a bottle of flash",

Every single time he would hear - you are being weird/it's not normal/you are starting to creep me out/FFS not this again/why do you want to know/I'm getting sick and fucking tired of you noting every thing I do

And if it didn't stop I would make him leave

He's stalking you in your own home!

I have a teenager who rifles through all the cupboards after a food shop and that in itself annoys me a bit. (I'd like that chocolate bar to remain secret, thanks!)

The level of scrutiny you are being subjected to is not normal. He knows it upsets you. He continues to do it.

I think you should seriously consider what benefits you in this relationship.

And also consider he's probably reading this thread too.

lilroo about a month after I bought them, we were sitting on the sofa one friday night watching tv then out of nowhere, he says "so are you actually using those dumbbells much?" what dumbbells? "The ones you bought a few weeks ago" how the eff? "I could smell them when I got home from work! they have a horrible plastic smell to them" I said so your sense of smell is so good you were able to track them all the way upstairs to the small plastic box under the spare bed??? Doe eyed innocence "yes, don't you smell them??"

Ha! No secret chocolate in this house. He even commented once on a kit kat I had before I went to bed one night!

Also yes 90% certain he will be reading this. He's taken an unusual interest in MN asking what sort of threads are on here, what gets talked about. That's why I haven't bothered changing any details.

I would put money on there being hidden cameras in your home. The "Oh I found the receipt, I could smell the takeaway (and identify it accurately), I could smell the new dumbells" is frankly cobblers. Also hovering around the bathroom and barging in to turn on the extractor fan? Fishier than a fishmonger's Apron. How can you live like this?