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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DOE DP/DH just follow them around the house all the time?

540 replies

bringwineplease · 13/01/2021 14:26

I get the feeling this will be a resounding NO from many of you so this is probably more of a vent rather than "is this normal?"

Does anyone else's partners/husbands just follow them from room to room all the time?! It's getting so bad, I feel like I've got another dog!

A few recent examples:
Monday after work, DP comes through to the kitchen to meet me. Stand and chat for a few minutes while I put my bag down, coat off. Tell him I'm going upstairs to get changed... he follows me up the stairs, across the landing, into the dressing room, then I went into the bedroom for my slippers, follows me in there too, back in the dressing room to brush my hair, follows, walk halfway back to the stairs, realise I've forgotten my phone charger so back into the bedroom, and he's right behind me again! Sometimes he's nattering away, other times just watching.

Like the weekend, I walked from the kitchen to the utility to put a wash load on, turn round and he's standing silently watching me load the machine. Hmm

Weekend just passed, I thought a miracle had occurred as I had managed to have almost a full bath in peace. Then I heard shuffling outside the door like he's pacing up and down the hall. Then a quiet "hows your bath going?" "yes fine", a few seconds later hes opening the door Hmm I said "hey hold on a minute!" and scooped my towel off the floor before he jammed it under the door. He says "why have you put your towel in front of the door?" then looks around the room for a few seconds before turning the extractor fan on! I said "what are you doing? I'm trying to have some peace and quiet!" he just looked at me confused and shut the door again Confused

I know these examples sound silly but he's literally following me from room to room. Even if I'm just running upstairs quickly to get something, he follows me up. Sometimes I'm literally back at the top of the stairs again waiting to go down and catch him there. I said "I was coming right back!" He waits a few seconds pretending he's doing something then comes back down again.

Last Sunday I snapped and said "ffs it's like having a labrador puppy, you follow me everywhere!" he said "what's wrong with that? aren't we supposed to be together at the weekend?" Confused

Its infuriating! I feel suffocated! Thankfully he works nights so I get some peace in the evenings. Does anyone else have this problem???

OP posts:
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joystir59 · 17/01/2021 05:50

I feel scared for the OP. I think she is in danger. A very disturbing read indeed.

lydiarose · 17/01/2021 06:44

Why don't YOU plant a hidden camera so that you can see what he's up to when you're at work?

AmberItsACertainty · 17/01/2021 06:54

He could be doing the housework so you don't find the cameras OP.

YoniAndGuy · 17/01/2021 07:59

@Cockenspiel

Your responses have a weird tone OP, like you’re treating this all as a joke.
Yup! Like I said, lol.

Now he’s at the top of the stairs! Ooh, and I just chose to sit at the bottom, in probably the least private space in the house, to type my latest post!!!

It’s like a hammy drama.

Sparklfairy · 17/01/2021 11:21

@lydiarose

Why don't YOU plant a hidden camera so that you can see what he's up to when you're at work?
This is exactly what I would be doing.
TJ17 · 17/01/2021 11:26

I'd pay to see that footage - this guy sounds NUTS

jeaux90 · 17/01/2021 12:44

I was chatting to my OH about this thread. He has a photographic memory

He said he has to actively be mindful of his behaviour because of this as he notices absolutely everything and is very aware that it can quickly turn into OCD etc (as it has in the past.)

Just sharing this other viewpoint in case it's relevant or helps.

Bellateabea · 17/01/2021 13:08

Hope you're doing ok OP

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 18/01/2021 01:35

This reply has been deleted

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chipsandgin · 18/01/2021 12:02

You ok OP?

ImnotCarolineHirons · 18/01/2021 12:06

I keep coming back to this thread in the hope of an update from OP so we know she's ok, and hopefully planning to LTB.

It's playing on my mind a LOT as his behaviour is so concerning.

totallyoutnumbered · 18/01/2021 12:56

Same here 😞

ginandwineandbaileys · 18/01/2021 13:02

My ex used to do this, drove me bonkers. But, not on,y did he follow me around, he then tried to micromanage everything I did while he stood there. It was part of his controlling coercive behaviour

SEE123 · 18/01/2021 16:30

Have been following your thread OP. Really hope you are okay.

cooldarkroom · 18/01/2021 16:50

OP may have stopped posting as she knows Tosser is reading it

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