DOE DP/DH just follow them around the house all the time?

[bringwineplease]

I get the feeling this will be a resounding NO from many of you so this is probably more of a vent rather than "is this normal?"

Does anyone else's partners/husbands just follow them from room to room all the time?! It's getting so bad, I feel like I've got another dog!

A few recent examples:
Monday after work, DP comes through to the kitchen to meet me. Stand and chat for a few minutes while I put my bag down, coat off. Tell him I'm going upstairs to get changed... he follows me up the stairs, across the landing, into the dressing room, then I went into the bedroom for my slippers, follows me in there too, back in the dressing room to brush my hair, follows, walk halfway back to the stairs, realise I've forgotten my phone charger so back into the bedroom, and he's right behind me again! Sometimes he's nattering away, other times just watching.

Like the weekend, I walked from the kitchen to the utility to put a wash load on, turn round and he's standing silently watching me load the machine.

Weekend just passed, I thought a miracle had occurred as I had managed to have almost a full bath in peace. Then I heard shuffling outside the door like he's pacing up and down the hall. Then a quiet "hows your bath going?" "yes fine", a few seconds later hes opening the door I said "hey hold on a minute!" and scooped my towel off the floor before he jammed it under the door. He says "why have you put your towel in front of the door?" then looks around the room for a few seconds before turning the extractor fan on! I said "what are you doing? I'm trying to have some peace and quiet!" he just looked at me confused and shut the door again

I know these examples sound silly but he's literally following me from room to room. Even if I'm just running upstairs quickly to get something, he follows me up. Sometimes I'm literally back at the top of the stairs again waiting to go down and catch him there. I said "I was coming right back!" He waits a few seconds pretending he's doing something then comes back down again.

Last Sunday I snapped and said "ffs it's like having a labrador puppy, you follow me everywhere!" he said "what's wrong with that? aren't we supposed to be together at the weekend?"

Its infuriating! I feel suffocated! Thankfully he works nights so I get some peace in the evenings. Does anyone else have this problem???

I can't decide if the OP is just in deep denial

The answer is yes, she probably is. Or at least is having to completely change her perception of reality. This doesn’t happen in an instant. It’s a slow process of coming to terms with the knowledge that the life you thought you had is not the one you’re living.

Also, it’s worth pointing out that, on average, it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abuser. It’s not a quick, linear or binary process.

@Shoxfordian did you read my whole post? I said this is dangerous and the OP needs to take it more seriously.

@Shoxfordian

Have you read the whole thread *@BadNomad*? This goes well beyond clingy into stalker territory

I think you misread the post as a whole, that poster's next sentences were:

Worst case...he's mentally ill and being paranoid and delusional. He clearly thinks you are up to something. This is dangerous. I think you need to take it a bit more seriously.

He's just silently appeared at the top of the stairs while I was sitting on the bottom step typing this

This is creepy AF. It's like reading a script for a film! You need to have a long, hard think about your safety

He's clearly reading this, so hello Weird Stalker Guy!

@RUOKHon

I can't decide if the OP is just in deep denial

The answer is yes, she probably is. Or at least is having to completely change her perception of reality. This doesn’t happen in an instant. It’s a slow process of coming to terms with the knowledge that the life you thought you had is not the one you’re living.

Also, it’s worth pointing out that, on average, it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abuser. It’s not a quick, linear or binary process.

Absolutely this.

I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable with the lack of nuance in responses that just say, "leave him now!"

Because it isn't that simple or easy.

I wonder if he checks up on you somehow, maybe by an app on his phone that records you/your movements. And if it all 'checks out' he relaxes? It's fucking bizarre and unacceptable either way.

I literally don't know any of the names of my partners work colleagues, nor he mine. I can't think of anything more tedious to talk about than what his colleagues get up to. Who cares?!

What devices do you use at home OP? Do you have an iphone, ipad, laptop etc that he can access? Does he know your passcodes/passwords for these devices? Do you use icloud or post to Twitter, Facebook, Insta?

Turn your phone off when you go out. Park in a place then walk where you want to go, use cash if you buy anything.
Wait & see the reaction...

Your last update says you are fine but I really don't think you are. I genuinely think you are in danger.

This is chilling to read. Who on earth acts like this? This is not normal!

@Morgan12

Your last update says you are fine but I really don't think you are. I genuinely think you are in danger.

It's very possible what's being posted and intentions are different. Bearing in mind that probably everything is being read.

Everyone in the household follows me around! It nice to be sooooo interesting

@bringwineplease

It is seriously suffocating. It's not really a new thing, but it has really ramped up in the last couple of weeks. He's also been texting constantly while I'm at work. Like every half hour sort of thing. Even if I don't reply.

Last weekend was the only time I've really mentioned it. He seemed surprised, but it hasn't deterred him.

Couldn't and wouldn't put up with that.

Absolute dealbreaker.

I'd be blocking him on my phone and locking myself away from him.

Take a look at this type of thing

www.raymond.cc/blog/free-and-simple-keylogger-to-monitor-keystrokes-in-windows/

I don't want to suggest your DP would go this far but my ExP used to monitor me, watch me, was irrationally jealous and even had dreams that I cheated on him and took them out on me.

He did lots of things but the worst was when he suspected I fancied Brad Pitt (this was 25 years ago) and my friends and I were going to the cinema to see a film he was in and I was driving. He put a dictaphone in the glove compartment of my car and when I got home he said he had to pop out, was gone 20 minutes and came back, white with fury, frothing at the mouth and clutching the "evidence" of us laughing and joking about how gorgeous Brad Pitt was. He screamed at me, hit me, tried to pull my wedding ring off and broke my finger and held me up against the wall and strangled me. He also smashed our furniture. Our two young DCs were in bed upstairs. The neighbours called the police thank goodness or I think he would have killed me, but back then they didn't act on "domestics" and just told him to cool off.

I left him a couple of years later but should have then. He never changed despite promising to. After I left he ramped up the abuse (I now know it's the most dangerous time for women) and smashed up the contents of my new flat in front of our children while I was at work. Luckily he then found a new woman to focus on very quickly, but still sent abusive emails for years.

A great book to read is "Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft. It shows that they choose to behave like this - they don't treat other people in their life this way.

I have just read the whole thread and I don't think I have ever read anything more chilling. OP please get yourself away from this man.

Are you okay bringwine? I read the full thread over a couple of hours tonight and I've been trying to get to sleep but can't.

The behaviour you are describing is very, very worrying (not annoying, not irritating) - it's sick and criminal.

This is a very worrying thread.

He’s stalking you, he’s reading this thread and you are in a way minimising it (as he’s normalised his behaviour).

That counsellor was awful..it wasn’t a communication issue but abuse. They say to never have counselling with an abuser. You need to speak to WA and get counselling for yourself.

@bringwineplease you do realise that it’s not your job to manage his behaviour?

I think he may have OCD.

@CatAndHisKit

I think he may have OCD.

I have OCD but I don't follow members of my family around making them feel uncomfortable

I couldn't stand this OP, my stomach was on edge just reading your posts. I'd have to end it.

Please write an email with what you've written here and send it to someone you trust to keep safe. I've just come across your thread tonight and every update had sent shivers down my spine. I think it's only a matter of time before his mask slips fully and you get hurt (I hope I'm wrong).

I've read OPs posts not all others so may be at risk of repeating here but... this all sounds very strange to me. At the start of your posts, early on, I was thinking he doesn't trust you & is trying to catch you doing something, worried you are having a fling & secretly texting or ph'ing someone ..but as I read on, it is much more worrying. Insist on returning to counselling, even Zoom sessions..& call him out on this strange & troubling behavior. I could not stand this, I just could not answer every question about where I was, who I saw, what I bought...the showerhead, Flash, takeaway & dumbell incidents...omg, sounds creepy & escalating. I'd be v worried...I might even be afraid.

Please don't have children with him. You will be so vulnerable. At the moment he has to moderate his behaviour because he knows there's nothing tying you together. A baby would force you to be involved with him for decades.

This is not normal behaviour at all.

My thoughts: sorry if I'm repeating anything I only got halfway through.

#1 this thread is sickening. His behaviour is so cold hearted and calculated. Seriously disturbing.

#2 there's a camera in the shower head, which is why he needs to know when you're using it so he can remove it. It points right at you which is why he doesn't want you changing the angle.

#3 there's possibly a camera on you somewhere which is how he knows what your colleagues sound like. If you ever go for counseling or to women's aid (and I'm going to tell you, for clarification, that you really really do need to), buy another set of clothes and shoes on the way, get changed remove jewellery and hair clips etc and leave your bag coat keys and everything in the car or another room to the one you have your meeting in. Because who knows where the camera is.

#4 your home might or might not be worth hundreds of thousands, but your life is still worth more. Don't be afraid to walk out and never go back.

#5 how bad do things have to get before you realise he's a threat to you? I'm not being sarcastic, I want you to consider this question, no need to reply though, that's up to you. I hope it's not when he's trying to kill you because that might be too late.