Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

Op that’s awful.

I can’t even imagine how you are feeling. Xx

Hi, I'm here. Sorry to hear that. Do you want to tell us what happened?

I'm so sorry, op. What a horrible shock. Did you have any idea? Were there problems you were aware of?

I can stay on this thread and hold your hand. I'm so sorry. Xxx

I'm so very sorry, I'm here.

[flower]

Last June he gave me ten minutes’ notice that he was leaving - he said he needed a trial separation. I believed him when he said he’d rented a flat alone. Last month he came home home saying he’d ended his tenancy. Ten minutes after he messaged to say he was on his way there was a further message from a woman with pictures saying they were together. He stayed over Christmas saying it was over. She then turned up at our fucking house last Sunday and he sent her on her way but they continued to message each other and today he packed his stuff and went again. He didn’t even tell our youngest children what was happening. I had to.

Op I'm so sorry. I had a similar experience ten years ago. It's so awful but you will be ok in time. That's not much comfort right now though. Have you got a friend or Family member nearby? Now is the time to lean on close people.

It won’t last will it. How can a relationship founded on lies and deceit and destroying people last.

Doesn't matter if it lasts. It's poison.

You will be fine. It's just utterly shit right now.

Don't make the mistake of letting him come back.

There’s nobody. My family are all dead now. His father and brother have disowned him. His sister probably will too when she finds out (lives in the US so time difference means she’s probably not seen the messages yet). I have nobody at all I can’t collapse in front of my children I can’t let them see me like this it’ll frighten them

It may or may not last. Chances are it won't but you have no control over that right now. Your focus needs to be (towards him) .. not caring as much as you do, carrying on with your life and (I know those sounds counterintuitive) but packing any remaining stuff of his into suitcases.

And calmly giving it all to him

The children have said they’ll never speak to him again.

How old are the children?

Oh my goodness, they are vile.

I,ve been there, know the hurt.
Please look after yourself, if you need to speak to someone call the samaritans. Just for now.

I hate them for you.

The youngest are 14 and 16. Then the older girls are 23, 28 and 36. The oldest is a year younger than the woman he’s with now.

I feel like I’ve just let them all down so badly

It absolutely will not last no.
He will keep coming and going because ultimately he’s entered into a new relationship without being ready to.

It sounds as though he is being self indulgent and allowing himself the ‘thrill’ of a new relationship. This will disappear and he will be left with a relationship built on deceit.

If he was truly unhappy and not just acting out of impulse, You would have known about these issues, attempted to work through them and if that failed , split and waited at least some time to move on.

He’s acting like a immature idiot.

I’m so sorry you are being put through this.

Thank you SO much. Just having someone to talk to it’s just too much. You’re all so kind. I have nobody in RL I can’t put this onto my older girls it’s not for them to have to deal with me as well as what they’re dealing with privately. I just cannot believe anyone could be so cruel it just will not sink in.

Blimey, he's really lost his mind hasn't he.
Why would this ow want him.
Is she after his money?

What a cow, she sent you pictures, she sounds deranged.

Fuck me, some women.

My children are my world and I thought they were his too. He thinks he’ll be able to build bridges with them. He’s deluded.

She sent pictures and also messaged our older girls (found them on Facebook). She came to our house and shouted in the street that she loved him and he’d never be faithful to me. I mean just why? Why would you do that? I’ve been married to him over half my life and what’s left of my life is over now.

I'm afraid he's made his bed.

He probably hasn't even thought about the consequences.

Apparently her husband used to ignore her and spent half the night on his x box.

They met on something called Illicit Encounters?