Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

You haven’t let your children down at all; he has. I’m so sorry. You will get through this, I promise, but it sounds so hard. The woman sounds absolutely unhinged and vile.

I'm so sorry 💐

I'm proud of you being able to hold it together & ask for his key. (To my shame I wasn't anywhere near as calm).

I'm also very sorry you don't have a close friend to cry on. I don't know how I'd have coped without mine, but saying that, I didn't have MN. & I think I'd have dealt wuth it much differently if I had. Looking back I made ALL the mistakes! 🙄.

Although you can't imagine it now & will think we're nuts! You WILL come out the other side of this, you will be ok& you will
Laugh again.

You have your kids & grandchildren and who knows, maybe even someone to put a twinkle in your eye in the future, but it's MUCH too soon to think about that.

It's extra shitty in lockdown!!! Xx

Tomorrow you can think about the practical stuff, fir now maybe out on a pod cast and have a hit drink, get comfy and hopefully you'll get some sleep.
Xx

Umm. I think I’d like to beat the pair of them to death with my bare hands to be honest. Until there’s nothing left of them. Because that’s how I feel now. He couldn’t have hurt me more if he’d taken a knife and put it through me

I’m so sorry love. I know it sounds shit now but time will heal. He’s a bastard and you’re worth so much more

Don't think about them.

At the moment his guilt and shame will just about be kicking in now.
His head will be fucked.

You have been very dignified, I think his world is going to implode.

I wish I wasn’t here. I wish I’d just died or something when he did this. I have my DC relying on me and I’m just lying here snivelling for fucks sake

The thing is, if they met on Illicit Encounters, he was already actively looking for an affair (she may not be the first or the only one) it's for married people to find affair partners.

It's not even like they met at work or something and 'couldn't help themselves' he went LOOKING for an affair.

You can't have him back again or you'll just end up here again!!

You have 5 children. Why bother about a snake?

Oh @Onthedunes I so hope you’re right. I want him to realise what he’s done and I just think he won’t. He thinks they’re Romeo and Juliet or something.

I can tell you, much and all as love stories will tell you otherwise, that the only ones who give two fucks about you will be and always will have been your children. Not him. Fuck him! Do you need him??

No no I can’t have him back. I know that much.

Let him have his Shakeperean ending! Not your problem! Let him off to fuck.

Right now I think I just want someone to hold onto me like you would a child and tell me it’ll be alright.

But I’m not a child and I know it won’t be.

I know, so many of us have felt that pain but you will get through tonight, and then tommorow you will deal with that too.

One day at a time, baby steps, don't ask anything from youself. Be looked after by your children.

Try to eat small ammounts, you must eat.

Try to sleep, as and when you can, the exhaustion will hit you soon.
xx

You're allowed to cry, you've been together practically your whole life! You have grown up children, teenagers & grandchildren and you thought this was life sorted, firever! Now he's gone and ruined your life (at least that's how it feels right now- it will get better!).

They might be together now, but they were together before and it obviously wasn't 'all that' as he came home. So despite what the stupid bitch said, it's not all loves young dream!!

You're allowed to cry. But you're not allowed to let him come back!! You can't, it'll destroy you.

(((HUG)))

A long time ago, and I don't know whether you have any belief or none, but a kind lady used to tell me when I was tormented with worry - wrap yourself in God's arms. It was comforting to me.

You will be fine. Please don't let him back in. I discovered my husband of 35 years was having an affair, but he wouldn't leave so I had to live with him for 2 years before I managed to make him sell the house.

Once I was actually on my own I discovered that I could manage, and I was and am a hell of a lot happier. Obviously at the time it was a complete shock, especially as I found out everyone but me (and the children) knew about it.

She is totally unimportant and irrelevant in all this, you will discover. I thought that hating her would make me feel better, but in the end it was pointless and a waste of emotional energy. Concentrate on yourself, one day at a time. Make sure you stay put, don't let him back in, don't say anything to the kids that they can later remember and resent (they will have very mixed feelings; they will hate him for what he has done to you, but he is still their dad).

I was married for two thirds of my life; I thought I would never recover but I have, and you will.

He said it was poisonous here.

She sent pictures and also messaged our older girls (found them on Facebook). She came to our house and shouted in the street that she loved him

That kind of crazy gets old quickly. And his kind of old gets old quickly.

Yuk to both of them.

He doesn't know what he's done, at a guess if a man at this age throws everything down the pan for clearly a woman who sounds like she is emotionally deranged, then his sense of reasoning was clearly not all there.

It is not you fault, he's lost his marbles.

He’s a nasty shit.

And it will be alright. Not tomorrow, not next week, but sooner than you think.

And you have lots of us sending virtual hugs. Nothing like as good as the real thing, but something.

@MoreLegsThanMe

He said it was poisonous here.

He will tell you anything to ease his concience. Don't listen.

He's a liar.

No no I won’t say anything at all. He thinks in time they’ll all build bridges and he’ll take the younger ones out etc. I told him that wouldn’t happen and he asked if I’d stop them from seeing him. I said I wouldn’t need to and it looks like I was right. DDs 1 and 2 have said they want nothing more to do with him and their grandchildren will not see him. DD3 said she is sick of his lies and wants nothing more to do with him. DD4 says she’s blocked his number. DS has said from now on he will refer to his father by his first name “because he’s not my dad anymore”. Who could even do that to their children that they supposedly love?

poisonous?

Well that’s not a contradiction..He then swans off with lovely woman who sounds the definition of poisonous.

If things were so bad then he should have had the strength to speak up and try to mend them. Poisonous is leaving your wife of 36 years on a whim for a complete nutter.

He will justify all of his behaviour for the time being. It’s only after the dust settle that people start to evaluate their own behaviour and not just focus on the one they perceive to be the guilty party.

He will all most certainly come grovelling back very soon and you need to allow yourself some distance and for him to feel the consequences of this mistake.

He said it was poisonous here
What as opposed to his charming new girlfriend? He said this to you to control you. This place can be brutal at times. But there is so much support and care in this place too.

I’m so sorry he’s done this to you. I know you’re hurting so much. But one day soon, you will wake up and realise your heart hurts less. Then little by little it will get easier. I understand why you said you wish you had died. It’s not just the torment of losing your life partner but knowing they are out in this world and choosing not to be with you. You have so much to live for. Children and grandchildren. I’ve read so many women’s stories on here. And every woman has said the same. The feelings will pass.