Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

665 replies

LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 07:14

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

OP posts:
normalmumandwife · 05/01/2021 07:23

If it's just a dog, then no.

Irisbloom · 05/01/2021 07:25

It's not possible for anyone on here who doesn't even know the guy to know, but this is the problem with starting a relationship in this way, you're always going to wonder and you'll always know he has that capacity and could do it to you with someone else, if not her.

Toilenstripes · 05/01/2021 07:25

He loves his dog. If you don’t get that then you should move along.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/01/2021 07:26

I would give this man the boot now because he is really no catch at all is he?. Whilst now living with his mother he is seeing his ex in order to walk the dog?!.

Are you a lot younger than he is and are you yourself in your early 20s or something?. I am wondering if he has used your age and naivety against you here, such men like described are really master manipulators and really in it for their own self.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.
Raise your relationship bar a lot higher going forward as well, you were seemingly happy to be his side piece whilst he was with his girlfriend of 9 years. I hope she does not take him back either.

Nicolastuffedone · 05/01/2021 07:28

Who knows? A relationship that starts based on lies and deceit is probably never going to be easy......

ivfbeenbusy · 05/01/2021 07:29

Can't believe you fell for the line "he was unhappy and sleeping in separate bedrooms" - you know thats most likely bollocks don't you? That she most likely considered they were happy and they were still sleeping together?

Anyway lose them how you find them and don't expect this to last

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 07:29

I’m not unfortunately. I’m early 30s. I grew up around toxic relationships so my benchmark was set pretty low. He’s not a catch no. But I’m lonely and I like having him around. That’s the unfortunate truth

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 05/01/2021 07:30

If he was cheating her with you, why would you think he will not cheat you with her?

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 07:31

I’ll never be able to trust him.

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 05/01/2021 07:32

The way you got him will be the way you lose him. Set your standards a bit higher for goodness sake.

AnimalLogic · 05/01/2021 07:36

Lucky you huh. You won the pick me dance.
Must be super proud Grin

ivfbeenbusy · 05/01/2021 07:39

@LanaLielaLie

I’ll never be able to trust him.

That's what happens when you "overlap" on someone else's relationship

AnimalLogic · 05/01/2021 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

inappropriateraspberry · 05/01/2021 07:41

I'd rather be lonely on my own than lonely in a relationship.
'Walking the dog' could be anything really. But he doesn't exactly sound like a catch.

NoMeatIsHumane · 05/01/2021 07:49

You have done the ex a huge favour at least,she has a brighter future without him.

moose62 · 05/01/2021 07:50

You will be slated on here, but only you know what happened. In regard to the dog, yes he probably is just walking the dog! I split with an ex and we had a major battle over the dog. Dogs become part of your life and sometimes it is harder to leave them than the partner. He might also be taking it out as he feels guilty for his behaviour. If you are already not trusting him regardless if the circumstances of the split, then the relationship is doomed anyway.

scotsllb · 05/01/2021 07:50

@LanaLielaLie

I’m not unfortunately. I’m early 30s. I grew up around toxic relationships so my benchmark was set pretty low. He’s not a catch no. But I’m lonely and I like having him around. That’s the unfortunate truth
Come on that's just desperate talk. Give yourself a shake and have some self respect
ivfbeenbusy · 05/01/2021 07:52

I'd rather be lonely on my own than lonely in a relationship

Yes at least you'd also still have your self respect

category12 · 05/01/2021 07:59

What does "taking things slow" look like, and whose idea was it?

Do you feel like he regrets leaving? Lots of people do have "exit affairs".

Why have you set yourself up for a kicking here? If you have low self esteem and a history of toxic relationships, have you sought support? The Freedom Programme and working on your self-worth with a counsellor or therapist might prove helpful.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 08:02

I also do things (sexually) that I would never normally do to sort of keep him interested I suppose Sad

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 05/01/2021 08:02

No, he’s going back for a shag.

louise4745 · 05/01/2021 08:04

Ask him to take the dog to his mums if his ex agrees of course

butterpuffed · 05/01/2021 08:04

@LanaLielaLie

I also do things (sexually) that I would never normally do to sort of keep him interested I suppose Sad
Don't become someone you don't want to be, have some respect for yourself.
louise4745 · 05/01/2021 08:05

@FippertyGibbett your assuming his ex would go there again after he cheated. Would you?

LetItGoHome · 05/01/2021 08:05

It sounds like you already know what you need to do.

Swipe left for the next trending thread