He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

[LanaLielaLie]

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

@Arobase I've done exactly that, and it's helping a lot. The main thing I'm feeling today is relief that I've dodged a bullet.

I really think it would be worth, if at all possible, your little girl staying with her dad for an extra week. Otherwise you're putting your daughter in a home he has already been turning up to unwanted, when told not to, the first weekend after blocking him.

That seems reckless and irresponsible to me. I'm sorry it sounds like people are calling your maternal responsibilities into question but the environment in your home isn't safe yet because his involvement in your life is still volatile - you're having to forward plan that if it kicks off you'll call the police and your brother - yet you want her in that environment in 48 hours?

And you're unwilling to, or doing see the point in, calling 101 for some advice or plan in advance on what to do if he shows up.

It's all very well saying you'll call the police then but you don't know how you'll react in a high pressure situation and you've said previously that it's 100% over then gone back on it.

Please consider your daughter being safe at her dads for a little longer until this hopefully calms down and is less fraught.

Well done OP. You have seen through him- keep seeing him that way. You're already sounding stronger in yourself. If he turns up at the door again, just call the police straight away. Don't answer the door, obviously, well done for not doing that.

Proper channels such as the police or SS can provide real support to help you be prepared if he shows up again.

@youvegottenminuteslynn Maybe for some people, many others find them hell rather than supportive. They often traumatize women themselves.

My friend was in an abusive relationship, she's a decent woman, a CPN, she just happened to be involved with the wrong guy, it happens to us all/a lot of us. SS and the police saw her as a bad guy, took her baby off her, and now she hasn't seen her boy who's just turned 2, for 18 months, and probably won't be allowed to see him again until he's 18 years old. She's going to lose her job over it too. There's a lot of misogyny and personal bias in the system and how it makes its decisions. In the mean time, drug addicts and people with chaotic lives get their kids back.

@LanaLielaLie I'm not saying don't call the police if he turns up, but I personally wouldn't make them or SS aware anything's going on until that time.

How are you doing @LanaLielaLie

How are you op x

Have some self respect. End it, have counselling and learn to love yourself.

@Tenohfour

Have some self respect. End it, have counselling and learn to love yourself.

RTFT

So I was contacted by his ex girlfriend. At first she was throwing loads of insults at me which I rightly deserved I know. Then we started chatting and unravelled all of his lies that of course he’d been playing us both and seeing us both at the same time. All while saying he was going there to innocently walk his dog, he was kissing and cuddling her. He lied about telling her I exist, she found out last week. We’ve both been taking it in turns to do his laundry and cook his food etc. He’s now threatening suicide because he feels so guilty

Why would you continue to engage with them? Why answer her messages and let thoughts of him waste your time. Focus on your daughter.

No doubt he gave her your number, block her too, in fact block anyone connected to him that rings you!!

Quelle surprise....not! Hopefully that makes you feel better though OP, that he treats all women with contempt. He's a user and would be a waste if your life. Good job you found out now, eh? Keep on moving UP.

Stay strong OP. You've done amazingly well to get rid of him. I know what it's like to be in this kind of abusive relationship and the emotional blackmail. He's beyond vile. Stand your ground. You're worth more than this parasite

OP you've been told he's an arsehole many, many times. How do you know he's threatening suicide if you've blocked him? Block her too and have nothing to do with it.

He so blatantly isn't feeling in the least guilty. He's probably busy looking for his next victim.

I know because his ex told me. And then subsequently his sister contacted me trying to fight his corner. Saying how out of character all this has been for him and that he loves me and so on. But his ex has screenshot messages from him and word for word they are the same lines he used on me. Of course they are . I feel sick. I have no right to feel betrayed because I knowingly got involved with someone else’s “man” but Jesus. His ex and I talked at length and to be honest it made me feel better. I’ll never see him again. It’s over.