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Original poster

He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

665 replies

LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 07:14

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

OP posts:
userxx · 05/01/2021 08:06

Congratulations, you've won the booby prize 😞

movingonup20 · 05/01/2021 08:06

I share custody of my dog, it's common!

category12 · 05/01/2021 08:06

@LanaLielaLie

I also do things (sexually) that I would never normally do to sort of keep him interested I suppose Sad
Well, even more, you should invest in yourself by doing counselling and work on your boundaries in relationships. Don't do things you don't want to or don't enjoy. Either he likes you as you are, or not. No man is worth your dignity.
SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 05/01/2021 08:08

Right lass. Give yourself a shake.

You do not do things that you feel uncomfortable with or don’t like to do.

Get rid of he isn’t a prince - he doesn’t sound like it.

Work on you before your next relationship and make sure that he is single.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 05/01/2021 08:09

If

SmileyClare · 05/01/2021 08:09

It's possible he didn't leave her for you The sudden unplanned move to his mother's indicates she found out he was cheating, and kicked him out.

Groovinpeanut · 05/01/2021 08:10

@LanaLielaLie

I also do things (sexually) that I would never normally do to sort of keep him interested I suppose Sad
Just when you couldn't sound more desperate. Have a word with yourself woman 🙄
Fearandsurprise · 05/01/2021 08:11

@LanaLielaLie

I’m not unfortunately. I’m early 30s. I grew up around toxic relationships so my benchmark was set pretty low. He’s not a catch no. But I’m lonely and I like having him around. That’s the unfortunate truth
You might end up lonelier with him. A woman who is known for going after men in relationships can sometimes get phased out of social circles because other women don’t trust her. Not just not trusting her with their partners, but generally, due to her demonstrating poor judgement or lack of morals.
Groovinpeanut · 05/01/2021 08:12

@SmileyClare

It's possible he didn't leave her for you The sudden unplanned move to his mother's indicates she found out he was cheating, and kicked him out.
I bet she's rubbing her hands with glee that the trash took itself out. By the sound of it nothing of value was lost.
RuthTopp · 05/01/2021 08:13

Isn't there a saying that goes something like.
When a man leaves a woman for his mistress, he creates a vacancy .
Keep a lookout for that !

feathermucker · 05/01/2021 08:16

He's not a catch?! Why would you contribute to another woman's pain for such a low benchmark?

Sleeping in separate bedrooms?!

Walk away now before you succumb to even more rubbish from him.

DuchessOfDoombar · 05/01/2021 08:20

@LanaLielaLie you seem to have come on here to get people who get kicks out of being cruel and nasty to strangers on the internet to join in the kicking you are giving yourself.

This man is not a good long term bet.

You acknowledge he’s not a catch. That you feel you have to do things sexually to keep his interest that you don’t want to. That you are lonely.

Believe me that loneliness will pale in comparison to the loneliness you’ll start feeling when you realise this man has nothing but contempt for you - and all women he’s involved with.

Your insecurity about not being able to trust him, which is correct, will drive a wedge between you and he will use that as the excuse to cheat with someone else.

End things.
Get therapy.
Work on your self esteem.

These aren’t cures for loneliness but they are cures for having low relationship standards.

ReinventingTheSpiel · 05/01/2021 08:25

You reap what you sow. Have a bit of self respect OP - does he know you're doing things you're not happy with sexually? Or is he asking/suggesting and you're feigning enthusiasm?

SmileyClare · 05/01/2021 08:30

You've been his mistress for 9 years? That's not an overlap, that's being a mistress for 9 years.

Look, you've been used, you're being used. If this was love, he would have left earlier and made plans to live with you.

You're only early thirties so you've been his mistress since what? 21yrs? You were little more than a teenager, I'm willing to bet he's older. This isn't a healthy relationship.

Fearandsurprise · 05/01/2021 08:31

[quote DuchessOfDoombar]@LanaLielaLie you seem to have come on here to get people who get kicks out of being cruel and nasty to strangers on the internet to join in the kicking you are giving yourself.

This man is not a good long term bet.

You acknowledge he’s not a catch. That you feel you have to do things sexually to keep his interest that you don’t want to. That you are lonely.

Believe me that loneliness will pale in comparison to the loneliness you’ll start feeling when you realise this man has nothing but contempt for you - and all women he’s involved with.

Your insecurity about not being able to trust him, which is correct, will drive a wedge between you and he will use that as the excuse to cheat with someone else.

End things.
Get therapy.
Work on your self esteem.

These aren’t cures for loneliness but they are cures for having low relationship standards.[/quote]
The OP has posted similar threads before - I haven’t spotted that until Duchess said. She has also been on other boards posting that she is suicidal. OP - take care of yourself and please find some support e.g. the Samaritans.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 08:39

No, his relationship lasted 9 years. We’ve only been involved for a few months.

I say no to the sex stuff sometimes but he goes for it anyway

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 05/01/2021 08:43

Please, please, leave him! You sound miserable and unhappy, that is not how a healthy relationship should be.

MorrisZapp · 05/01/2021 08:44

This thread is like the Old Testament. Men are the prize and women are the loathed competition. Who needs religion when women are willing to do the shitty misogyny just for fun.

Namechangedforthisoct2 · 05/01/2021 08:45

@LanaLielaLie

No, his relationship lasted 9 years. We’ve only been involved for a few months.

I say no to the sex stuff sometimes but he goes for it anyway

What do you mean by you say no, but he goes for it anyway? As in you have specifically said no to doing something sexually, a d he does this to you anyway?! If so that’s NOT ok. If we’re talking about anal here, and he’s doing it after you’ve said no, that’s rape.
category12 · 05/01/2021 08:47

@LanaLielaLie

No, his relationship lasted 9 years. We’ve only been involved for a few months.

I say no to the sex stuff sometimes but he goes for it anyway

There's a word for non-consensual sex acts, OP.

If you're on the level, do yourself a favour and dump this guy. And speak to your gp about support & counselling, and look at the freedom programme for help with your toxic relationship history.

DuchessOfDoombar · 05/01/2021 08:48

@LanaLielaLie

No, his relationship lasted 9 years. We’ve only been involved for a few months.

I say no to the sex stuff sometimes but he goes for it anyway

If you say no and he ‘goes for it anyway’ that is rape.

Why do you believe that being with a man who is a liar, a cheat, doesn’t make you happy and rapes you is better than being alone?

I mean this with care but you need to get help for your self hatred issues in real life. And urgently.

Nothing anyone on here can say will make you feel better about this man. Some may feed your self hate but that won’t help you either.

You can text the Samaritans if you don’t feel you can speak to someone in real life.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/01/2021 08:48

So he is having sex on you without your consent.

You learnt a lot of damaging lessons on relationships when you were growing up and this all plays into why you are with this man now. This is why you have such a low relationship bar, this man targeted you and deliberately so. He knew all too well about your lack of boundaries and low relationships standards.

Would you be willing to engage with a counsellor/therapist to unlearn all the crap you have learnt about relationships to date?. It would be an investment in you rather than someone else.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 08:49

Yes it’s anal I’m referring to. The other morning I said no and he kept pushing for it and saying he just wanted to spoon. I said it hurt with no lube and I didn’t want to

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 05/01/2021 08:51

Sorry I misinterpreted what you said about the relationship lasting 9yrs. I need more coffee this morning, ignore me!

Agree with the above, you sound very unhappy and confused. Take a break at least and think about what you want and need. I still think this sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 08:52

I have consented in the past I should add. And I sort of let him because I didn’t want to disappoint him so I don’t think it was rape

OP posts:
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