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Original poster

Does everyone have a ‘Fuck Off Fund’?

194 replies

Bookaholic73 · 02/01/2021 15:55

I’m curious if most people have a Fuck Off Fund?

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up.

Or if you’re planning on eventually leaving your spouse but are waiting until you have a big enough FOF to do it.

Someone recently told that this was always worth having, just in case, and I’m seriously tempted.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 02/01/2021 15:58

I always had a small emergency fund if thats what you mean. The problem with a fuck off fund is that you'll have to give your spouse half of it anyway in the divorce proceedings so it's not really posssible to hide it.

milienhaus · 02/01/2021 15:59

I think by the time you’ve got money saved you deliberately haven’t told your spouse about the marriage is already over, so if you’re already planning to leave them sure that makes sense. Otherwise, no.

chocobaby · 02/01/2021 15:59

I don’t know if everyone has it but I’m definitely building one ATM. Divorce is costly, and life on your own without a second income is even costlier...so I have a tidy little FoF. Plus my mother always told me that it’s a wise idea for a woman to have one, more so if the marriage was shakey.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 02/01/2021 16:00

haha! yep.

I believe everyone should have one because you simply dont know. Loads of people are madly in love, until they arent....

DramaAlpaca · 02/01/2021 16:00

My mother always advised me to make sure I have some money of my own squirrelled away, and I do. I'm not planning on going anywhere, but it's good to know it's there if I need it.

Plonque · 02/01/2021 16:01

Every one should have the means to leave, and if that means hiding it - so be it.

slitherslimyslither · 02/01/2021 16:02

Yes I have money saved away for any just in case times.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/01/2021 16:03

I have one that DH knows about. I also moved to be with him and for years had a plane ticket that I rolled over. It's sort of a running joke now. Advising women that having the means to leave means they aren't committed is romantic tripe.

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

I used to teach financial literacy to young people and I recommended it. For many reasons but abuse being a major one.

Thingsdogetbetter · 02/01/2021 16:03

I kinda have one, but dh knows about it. It's called my running away fund. My sister has a secret one - very happily married for 20 years. Our dad told us to always have a savings account in our name only that isn't for rainy days, but that once in a generation storm.

DianeC2020 · 02/01/2021 16:03

I agree with this. Keep money aside, which is between you and your bank manager. Don't do what I did and disclose your savings - when my ex and I split, he used it against me when I bought him out of the property we purchased together.

Spidey66 · 02/01/2021 16:06

I've got one, though my husband knows about it. I think every one should whenever possible-lack of money is such a common reason for women to stay in unhappy relationships.

Nicolastuffedone · 02/01/2021 16:07

Yes. Happily married for 30 years. It’s not hidden exactly, but only I know how much is there! 😉

mindutopia · 02/01/2021 16:08

Uh, no, I do have my own money, but there is no reason for dh not to know about it. I'd be pretty annoyed if he was stashing money away somewhere and refusing to tell me about it. We've both always had our own money and we'd be perfectly fine financially if we weren't together (though that would suck for lots of reason). But no I think it's pretty weird to stash money away without being honest about it - except in cases where there is obviously abuse and having running away money is a matter of safety, of course. Everyone should have their own savings and financial independence in any relationship though and that shouldn't be something you need to do on the sly.

StephenBelafonte · 02/01/2021 16:08

You'd need quite a lot of money stashed away to just walk out of a relationship though, especially if you had kids.

MajorMujer · 02/01/2021 16:09

Nope, however I do have access to funds in an emergency. At my DH age it's more likely to be illness / death than divorce.

Original poster
Bookaholic73 · 02/01/2021 16:10

Interesting that most of you have one.
I do all the finances in my marriage, so it’s be easy to squirrel a little bit away every month without DH knowing.
That’s it, I’m opening a new account and setting up a standing order now.

For those of who whose DP’s know, what do they think about you having it?

OP posts:
AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 02/01/2021 16:14

For those of who whose DP’s know, what do they think about you having it

Yep- he knows I have my own savings and he has his own savings too. We also have a joint account for bills. I mean, I wouldnt call it a "fuck off fund" to his face lol but its more an "emergency fund" for anything that could happen- eg he could die etc literally anything could happen.

I find it very odd that people imply if you have this it means you doubt your partner's love.

I also have house insurance but I'm not expecting my house to burn down any time soon either!

AlwaysLatte · 02/01/2021 16:15

Not for that reason but I have an account I forgot about until recently - I put a couple of thousand in an online savings account which wasn't a secret but I forgot to mention it at the time. I can't even remember why I put it there now! I'll put it in the joint account or leave it where it is.
My stepmother saved about 40K in various accounts going back years which my Dad only found out about when she got dementia and had to go into a care home! They were very happy. I think it's so Erving mothers especially used to advise their daughters to do years ago.

AlwaysLatte · 02/01/2021 16:16

Something not so Erving!

grassisjeweled · 02/01/2021 16:16

I have a small fund too. Probably around 5k

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 02/01/2021 16:18

If you have separate savings anyway, there's nothing weird about your DH not knowing how much you have, Hmm So long as one partner doesn't expect to know all the details without disclosing any in return.

KeeefBurtain · 02/01/2021 16:20

I have. But it’s getting used at some point this year. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

FraggleShingleBellRock · 02/01/2021 16:24

I have always had a small amount in the bank that is never touched. Thank you nan for the sound advice never to leave all my eggs in one basket. It's not much, over the years it's hovered between 1.5k and 4K .

When I was 19 and a brand new mum to two babies under 1 and getting the crap kicked out of me , that £1.7k came in really useful when I walked out on Christmas Day. Without that money being there to enable to me walk I could have been there for years. Instead I had a moment of blinding clarity and packed my little car up with sterilisers, nappies, baby grows and a Moses basket and left. Stayed at my mums for 3-4 weeks while my new rental property just around the corner was being decorated. I furnished it with used goods and it was mine.

I would always recommend to my kids that they have an emergency fund that is for true and genuine emergency situations.

Lucieintheskye · 02/01/2021 16:28

I had some money from an inheritance that I've never spent- it's not a huge amount but I kept it when I first moved in with DH and left my job (I'm a housewife) as a just in case. That was 4 years ago and now it's just sitting in it's account. I don't think I'll spend it but I don't see it as an FOF. You never know though!

Dh does know about it though, we have a joint main account and savings account and as I do all his banking, we both know who has what individually and jointly. We discussed it briefly once and he said it's good to have as a just-in-case and even said he'd want me to have access to my own money if something happened to him or us.

Fairyliz · 02/01/2021 16:29

Yes I saw what difficulties my mum had when her and my dad split up when I was a teenager so I started one when was employed full time.
That was 42 years ago and I’ve been married for 32 years, not had to use it yet.
But it’s there as a safety net if I ever need it.