Does everyone have a ‘Fuck Off Fund’?

[Bookaholic73]

I’m curious if most people have a Fuck Off Fund?

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up.

Or if you’re planning on eventually leaving your spouse but are waiting until you have a big enough FOF to do it.

Someone recently told that this was always worth having, just in case, and I’m seriously tempted.

Well yes, my wife has one in the form of Isa’s
Each year I’ve put equal amounts into a ISA for each of us. Plus there are other savings in her name too. All Totally her money and if she had to flee the house in the middle of the night with the kids as I’d turned into a monster it would keep her afloat until we divorced.

I guess its more a case of financial independence than a fuck off fund.

Yes. I am very happily married but it's good practice and everyone should have one.

I have some money in savings account that DH knows about but doesn’t have access to; enough to support me and DCs for a short time while I find work. As a SAHM MN taught me that was essential! Very happily married here.

I have my own savings but it's not a FOF fund. Having savings is sensible but I think if you have them with possible divorce specifically in mind then you deffo already have marriage issues.

I have my own savings as does my DH but they're not secret - we both know about the others and he actually does a lot of investing and does his best to maximise the increase in value of my money.

I asked a solicitor about this. He said that if you are getting divorced you are asked for 12 months of bank accounts. Therefore you’d have to hide it somewhere safe for 12 months first.

No I don’t as we’re happily married so savings are joint, but my mother always told me to remain financially independent.
I’ve done this and I know that if I ever discovered that my husband had been unfaithful, I could divorce him knowing that I would be able to afford to buy a nice home for me and my children.

I always had a ‘slush fund’ which XH knew about and had no problem with. As the years passed and we grew to accept we would not be together forever, we bought a second property which he lived in during the week for work. So by the time we finally split we were completely financially independent of each other and stable. It made it much less painful, and cheaper, to divorce.

I've always had an "I quit" fund, as I'm apt to strop off if not happy from workplaces. I come from a peasant background, literally, with a trapped unhappy mother so everything is split equally, etc.

I might have to ensure my sibling's kids have this too. Very important. People used to say it's ok to spend every penny but I think this last year shows that things may not be within one's control.

If lucky enough to have spare cash...

I don’t have hidden accounts, but yes, I could tell DH to walk out the door tomorrow and be just fine or I could go rent a flat tomorrow if I needed.

Grew up in an abusive home. Couldn’t handle not having an escape plan even though my DH is fantastic.

I will also be setting money aside for my dd in the event she ever needs to leave a relationship. I think providing her with a fuck you fund is much more important than say, paying for a wedding.

When I got married to first DH my Dad gave me a cheque and said he hoped I would have a wonderful marriage and be very happy with my soon to be first husband but always have a plan B. 38 years ago cheque was for £1k. He told me to put it in building society in my name only and not tell DH, but keep it in case he (my Dad) was no longer alive to help me in case marriage broke down. I thought he was being dramatic but I did as Dad said and 20 years later (after Dad had died) DH had affair and I was in a position to kick him out and not reliant on him financially. I blessed my Dad and often wondered if he thought it would happen. When I married again 5 years later I have a much larger FOF and DH does not know it is there. I gave my dd a £1k cheque, and gave her the same talk my Dad gave to me, for FOF when she married and she promised me she would not tell her dh and not spend it on anything else. She saw how abusive her Dad became with money so understood. I like my sil a lot he treats my dd like a princess, but men are men, and I don't want my dd unable to escape. She has given up full time and gone part time to fit around children/childcare so her pension will be dented. As I get older and get retirement lump sum I plan to give her more to add to the fund too. It is prudent to have plan B and by having that plan B you feel happier knowing you will never be trapped if marriage breaks down.

Yep, always had one.

Granted it's not in the bank and it's hidden at my parents house - but it's hovered between 3k - 9k. At the moment it's at the top end of the scale.

You never know when you may need it - weather it be a cheating partner / them dying - anything could happen. And everyone worries about themselves!

I will also be setting money aside for my dd in the event she ever needs to leave a relationship. I think providing her with a fuck you fund is much more important than say, paying for a wedding.

Good idea.

Yes I have money my husband doesn't know about just in case. I had one during my first marriage and had to use it. I had enough squirrelled away to escape safely.

I had an escape fund of 10k, spent about 10 years building this and thank god I did. Used it to literally walk away from my abusive, violent H into a new life - secured a new job and rented house without him knowing rented a van and got out. My mum advised I always retained a form of financial independence, best advice she ever gave me.

Having this FOF does in no way mean you do not love your DH. I have a saving account to that DH does know about.

I have 1.8K in an account (it’s my funeral fund actually).

Yes but kept dipping in to it. Was definitely useful to have a bit after the split though.

I was brought up to believe in having "running away money" so came into my relationship with it having saved beforehand.

I don't think it's OK to squirrel away family money once in a relationship though.

I have one that DP knows about but there's not a huge amount in there at the mo!

I don't think it's OK to squirrel away family money once in a relationship though

What is "family money"?

We pool a certain amount each month in a joint account to cover household bills. The rest of what I earn I put in my own account and consider mine. My H does the same. As long as all our bills are covered I dont consider the rest to belong to him. I dont personally agree with have all finances as joint- Ive seen way too many women left high and dry that way. As I said before, everyone is blissfully in love until they arent.

Keeping your allocated amount/ saving it isn't squirrelling away...

By squirrelling away family money I mean eg secretly getting cash back at the till every time you do the shopping and putting it in secret savings for your running away fund (unless you in an abusive relationship and planning to leave).

@Jobsharenightmare

Keeping your allocated amount/ saving it isn't squirrelling away...

By squirrelling away family money I mean eg secretly getting cash back at the till every time you do the shopping and putting it in secret savings for your running away fund (unless you in an abusive relationship and planning to leave).

oooh I see- yeah I agree with you there!

I have a few quid in a fund that I could use for this, but I'm also financially stable and independent so a 'fund' isn't really necessary