Does everyone have a ‘Fuck Off Fund’?

[Bookaholic73]

I’m curious if most people have a Fuck Off Fund?

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up.

Or if you’re planning on eventually leaving your spouse but are waiting until you have a big enough FOF to do it.

Someone recently told that this was always worth having, just in case, and I’m seriously tempted.

Nope because I don’t live in a Barbara Taylor Bradford novel

@Sadnessallaround

I have my own savings in my own name.

I separated from my partner last year but we’re still living together.

Joint names on mortgage.

We are not married.

Can anyone answer the following?

The savings are in my name and the money is being saved from my earnings. Am I correct in thinking that I won’t have to disclose these savings to him in the future, when we sell the house or sort out child maintenance for example ?

Thanks

You arent married. Its absolutely none of your ex's business. Keep it to yourself completely.

Earning not ‘eating’ my own money

Funnily enough I read Barbara Taylor Bradford as a kid & it did inspire me to make sure I had dome substance!

Sadnessallround Definitely take advice on the splitting of assets, you're being done over if not married...

Yes I did have have.. And it came in very very handy when I left. He thought I'd come running back and my lack of money would be the reason. Got his eye wiped... Very satisfying.

@PurpleMustang and @MorbidPodcastFan

Thank you both very much for clarifying.

I will keep adding to my account.

Unfortunately, in the coming months, I wont be adding as much as I have been due to less wages because of coronavirus but every little helps I suppose

No

But no I think it's pretty weird to stash money away without being honest about it - except in cases where there is obviously abuse and having running away money is a matter of safety, of course.

The whole point about abusive men is they don't advertise and they remove social and financial capital first (friends and family, and money). If every woman, as a matter of course, had a FOF, it would be much more difficult for men to trap women. Abuse often starts after the trap; getting pregnant, having a baby, moving for them. A FOF means you can always leave.

I'm pretty sure after 15 years that DH is a good 'un so he knows about my FOF, but he might have turned bad when I moved away for him. So the FOF is pretty sensible.

@wibblewombat

I don’t have any joint bank accounts with my Ex.

House is in joint names and when it is sold it will be 50 / 50 split. Maybe slightly more to me as DDS will live with me

My df always told me to make sure I had sufficient money in a location where my partner couldn’t get it so I could always escape!!
However I have never needed this, but I have told many friends to ensure they have an escape mechanism in place, but always hope it will never be necessary

Once my DDs are older I think I will advise them to open a sole name savings account.

My recent experience of splitting with Ex feels as though this would be good advice

No, but then I'm the sole earner. We have joint savings.

I do, DM always recommended it.
I call it my running away from home account.
DH knows it is there, but not how much is in it.
I also direct debit to a Christmas club each pay.
DH used to poo poo it p, but stopped when Christmas was paid for and school uniforms and books were paid for each year, without having to use credit card. His theory was we needed the money then, mine was we budgeted without it and then had bonus money when we needed it.

I wouldn't describe it as a "fuck off" fund but DH and I have always had our own money.

We have a joint account we both contribute to for household/family expenses and another family savings account, after that the money is "ours".

I strongly suspect though that my "account" is in excess on DH's simply because of what he spends.

He's not terribly profligate in any sense but I think he'd be shocked if he knew I much I had in various investments.

It's money to hope for the best and plan for the worst and if things go TU for us as a family I'll use it for all of us not just me.

My mum advised me to have a FOF but I was young and thought it was dishonest to hide money.

Fast forward 15 years, and I absolutely think I should’ve built one up. I’ve got a few grand tied up that I could release quickly if I needed to, and access to a fair chunk of credit that I could withdraw as cash if needed as well.

I’m extremely lucky in as much as I’ve never needed to use it and have family who’d give me their last penny to help get me out.

I have every intention of giving DD funds to escape and making sure she has a secret account and explain why. If she’s uncomfortable with the idea of ‘lying’ like I was and won’t accept the money then I’ll ring fence it in an account for her.

I don't because I'm single but I think it's an excellent concept.

IMHO It's also never a good idea to be financially reliant on a partner.

I have a savings account in my sole name. DH knows about it but not how much I have. He also doesn't know how much I have available on my credit card. It's not just a FOF but also in case of emergencies like redundancy or unemployment.

It means I know I always have options.

Well I never described it as such, but I’ve been with my husband since I was 20. I’m now 52. I recall when we had our daughter him saying let’s just put it all in, and I said no, if I ever have to pick her up and walk, I will be able to. And you will always know I’m here becayse I wish to be. Not because I can’t afford to leave you.

So we have always had a joint account to pay joint bills but I’ve always kept the rest to spend as I please. Inc my own savings. So yes, I could have fucked off if I wished. I always ensured I had the financial means to pick my child up and walk had I decided to. I genuinely don’t understand why anyone would not strive to do the same.

However I grew up in an abusive household in poverty so relying on a man was never going to be in my nature, if I wanted it, I’d earn it myself and I’d do anything I could to ensure I personally could provide for my child.

Nope. If put marriage ends we'll split things fairly and I wont be the one going anywhere.

@Closetbeanmuncher

I don't because I'm single but I think it's an excellent concept.

IMHO It's also never a good idea to be financially reliant on a partner.

Ah well it's also for single people. Because there are situations you might have to FO from too. Mean boss, terrible flatmate, earthquake, pandemic you have money.

The idea is that you maintain it regardless of relationship.

I didn’t have with exDH and wish I had
I put more money into house deposit and paid his debts off when we got together
When he left for OW he screwed me over financially
I will never re marry and have always had my own savings since when living with someone
Tenants in common with defined shares of property owning
Monies in DC savings
Jewellery, gold, antiques and premium bonds are easier to keep to ones self

True @MrsTerryPratchett...

Tbf I sometimes feel like packing a case and saying fuck it to parenting 😂

@Closetbeanmuncher

True *@MrsTerryPratchett*...

Tbf I sometimes feel like packing a case and saying fuck it to parenting 😂

That one is a bit more complicated!

I have around £2k in a separate savings account. DH knows about it but it doesn't bother him because, he says, he knows I won't need it. Plus, I use it to buy his birthday presents when I don't want him finding out what I've got if he happens to check the accounts. Not that he does, I could transfer all our money to my own account & be out the door before he noticed if I felt so inclined!

I genuinely don’t understand why anyone would not strive to do the same

Same reason people get judgy about pre nups- they think its not romantic or that you dont really love the person which is such a load of rubbish.

Its sensible to protect yourself for the worst. Of course noone expects it or wants it but shit still happens- this is exactly why people have insurance. Noone goes around hoping their house will flood or burn down or that they'll have a car crash but you have insurance to cover the slightest possibility something catastrophic could happen.

Ive known plenty of couples who were madly in love and then years later it al fell apart. Unfortunately, you can never fully know someone else and sometimes they can blindside you.