Does everyone have a ‘Fuck Off Fund’?

[Bookaholic73]

I’m curious if most people have a Fuck Off Fund?

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up.

Or if you’re planning on eventually leaving your spouse but are waiting until you have a big enough FOF to do it.

Someone recently told that this was always worth having, just in case, and I’m seriously tempted.

It would form part of the assets to be divided on divorce, if it hadn’t been spent in the process of fucking off!

Exactly. You spend it by fucking off, it is then declared in divorce papers as a previous expense if still in the time limit required for disclosure. The point is to have the money available in order to leave, rent a home (paying all cash for 6 months if you have no job or references) and provide basic expenses, aka run away if needed.

I have money squirrelled away, tried to set up an app to transfer money this morning, OH caught me. Called me a thief, stealing his money because he has supported me for 43 years. Am in bits here.

Yep - although dh knows about it. it's a general emergency fund though - and i keep it regularly topped up. In the event dh was to pop it, i wouldn't necessarily have access to his accounts immediately (although his will states that i can but i know it would take time to sort out) so i'd have sufficient in my FOF to pay mortgage etc if necessary. tend to keep three months salary in there at all times.

I had one and it's came in very handy! exH effed off and thought he was leaving me high and dry. Instead I've managed really well and he's the one struggling. He still doesn't know I had one though. Only regret I have is that I didn't start one sooner. I only started when I knew my marriage was in trouble. I've started adding to it again now I'm back on my feet and DP doesn't, and never will, know about it.

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up

God no. If you do, your marriage is already over.

@bobbojobbo

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up

God no. If you do, your marriage is already over.

My granny in 1954 told my mother to have some running away money, so it is nowt new.

Yes because you want some money aside in case you need to just leave.

But also because it could come handy if your partner happens to unexpectidly die.

i'm not convinced by the idea it has to be hidden.

In the best world, your partner should be happy to see you build some savings anyway. If he is getting upset at the idea, you are building some savings/moving some money on an account at your name, then I think it says a lot about him and how he sees the relationship tbh.

We have substantial savings that DH knows about. What he doesn’t know is that half is in a joint account and half in just my name:

My granny in 1954 told my mother to have some running away money, so it is nowt new

No, its not new to be in a shitty marriage, no. But at any time, if you are hiding money from your spouse to facilitate leaving them, its pretty obvious you are less than committed to your marriage.

I had similar tales of matriarchal wisdom being passed down through the family - in some cases it was needed for emergencies like a roof caving in, there were a couple of unexpected deaths of husbands when wives were not generally holders of bank accounts (and in 1 case, as the unexpected death needed coroner certification, couldn't access money for her 13 DCs for months on end and "Revenue" wouldn't allow her to sell a single spoon in the drawer for probate purposes at that time in the 1920s), there was one who kept her egg money (from selling extra eggs her hens laid) to properly feed and clothe the DCs but not to run away, and there was 1 who did use it to run away to escape abuse. And in Ireland up until I was a teen, the Catholic Church held sway. Teen pregnancies resulted in going into the "Mother and Baby home" (major report on these to be published tomorrow) or to become a teen bride in a hurry if you were lucky. But no such thing as marital rape until relatively recently, and I voted in the referendum to allow divorce in the late 1990s. So if you were stuck in a bad situation, there was very little option to escape it, only ways to manage within it to survive it. And you were never able to talk about these things - everything was always swept under the carpet for the sake of appearances.

This is going back to my Great DGM's era, and DGM and DM's eras also - not all in my direct line but close enough within the family circle to know it's true as I have personally known most of the players or their DCs (yes, I knew DGGM for a few years, and both my DGMs were alive until I was in my late 30s).

I am very committed to my marriage. But I have money which is in my name that I can access if I needed to. I've never totally hidden it from DH, but I've never really told him about it either - it's just there if I need it.

I have a personal bank account with a few £k. It’s not a secret.

I’ve also told DH (jokingly) that he should also have some personal money incase he needs to flee the marriage.

I did have a running away fund Dh vaguely knew I had savings but not how much, I had around 3k. We have separate finances and always have. No joint bank account, no joint savings.

My running away fund was all used up when Dh got furloughed and we lost a good chunk of money still had bills to pay also it cost a lot to feed everyone 3 meals a day plus snacks etc so it’s currently sat at zero.

I need to help pay off dh’s fucking massive overdraft and credit card (which we also acquired during his furlough) before I re start my fund. I’m hoping by the end of August to have around 1k in it again. My gran always told me to have some pin money hidden away just in case.

Scary how quickly our situation went from ok to fucking shit, if Dh turned into an abusive twat now I’d be screwed.

It all depends on how you split your money to start with . If you are a "throw everything in the one pot " couple then I think it is shocking to be squirrelling some of that away like me ex H had been doing .

Imagine if a man came on here saying he was doing this !😱

However if you each have separate incomes then you can do with your money as you want .

Yes. I will never be put in a situation where me and my children feel I have to stay of financially rely on a man if for any reason I want to leave

*It all depends on how you split your money to start with . If you are a "throw everything in the one pot " couple then I think it is shocking to be squirrelling some of that away like me ex H had been doing .

Imagine if a man came on here saying he was doing this !😱

However if you each have separate incomes then you can do with your money as you want*

This. I have my own pension, ISA’s etc set up long before I met DH. I have continued to pay into them.

We have separate finances anyway, so both of us can access money without the other knowing.

I’ve never seen the point of joint finances tbh. All our money is “family money”, and we treat it as such, we just don't bother with the extra step of transferring into a joint account.

Definitely not a fuck off fund but I like to try and have a little bit saved so I won't be left completely in the shit if my DH ever left me!

It all depends on how you split your money to start with . If you are a "throw everything in the one pot " couple then I think it is shocking to be squirrelling some of that away like me ex H had been doing .Imagine if a man came on here saying he was doing this !😱However if you each have separate incomes then you can do with your money as you want

Its not one or the other. We've always been a one pot couple, however there are savings accounts in my name and his name. Mine has significantly more in it, as my earning power is less than his at the moment and he has a better pension. But its not a fuck off fund, its just sensible to be able to access money on my own for any reason.

(I also have all the log in details to the joint accounts and his savings account, so if I particularly wanted to I could theoretically have all of it before he ever noticed )