Does everyone have a ‘Fuck Off Fund’?

[Bookaholic73]

I’m curious if most people have a Fuck Off Fund?

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up.

Or if you’re planning on eventually leaving your spouse but are waiting until you have a big enough FOF to do it.

Someone recently told that this was always worth having, just in case, and I’m seriously tempted.

Yes. I have been (mainly) happily married for 42 years.
I still have a 'running away' account..
My Mam started it for me 43 years ago and told me it was a womans 'thing', to keep ddinf to it when I could, and If I ever needed it, it would be there. If I didnt, it was a good cruise😁
I now have 20k in premium bonds. DH knows I have savings of my own, but has no idea its this much!
I am guessing i will never need it.

But it will pass to my daughter in law, and then my grand daughter.
God knows, I hope they never need it, but if they do.....

No

@mindutopia

Uh, no, I do have my own money, but there is no reason for dh not to know about it. I'd be pretty annoyed if he was stashing money away somewhere and refusing to tell me about it. We've both always had our own money and we'd be perfectly fine financially if we weren't together (though that would suck for lots of reason). But no I think it's pretty weird to stash money away without being honest about it - except in cases where there is obviously abuse and having running away money is a matter of safety, of course. Everyone should have their own savings and financial independence in any relationship though and that shouldn't be something you need to do on the sly.

Couldn't have put it better myself. This ☝🏻

Yes, although as we both earn more or less the same we split everything down the middle and then have family savings and the rest we do what we want with, I like to save and he splurges. Although we have had the same amount of disposable income I have a lot more in savings than he does, which is fine with this arrangement, if we ran out of family savings and needed something or if he really wanted something or vice versa we would both dip into savings, but it works for us, and I do like having some of my own savings.

And he knows about it, it's not a secret although as we would never see eachother go without haven't spoken about the amount as it's irrelevant.

I have never had one in 40 years of marriage. Not only have I never seen the need but most of that time we have had very little money so impossible to save.

We do have a small amount of savings now but they are joint savings.

I don't know anyone who has such a fund or, if they do, they certainly have never said. I know for sure my sisters and 2 of my friends don't

I have independent savings which dp encourages me to build up. Not a fuck off fund as such but a cushion in case anything goes wrong. He doesn't know the amount but I'd tell him if he asked.

I have a credit card for this very reason. I never use it and it has a good limit on it to help me should I ever need to go. I have had this card and it costs me nothing to keep it just for that very reason. Its my little plastic security blanket for dire and i mean dire or life changing reasons only;

I’ve made sure everything is in joint names - property, main bank accounts etc. I also have savings and a credit card in my name only. My husband knows about this and why it’s there. He also suggested I take money from our joint savings and put it in my account if it makes me feel more secure.

My FIL was financially abusive towards my MIL. My DH swore he’d be different.

Generally speaking I’m laid back and trusting, but I think I’d be a fool to trust anyone 100%. You never know what might happen in the future.

I do now but didn’t when leaving my first husband. I really wish I had.
Dh knows I have a separate account and completely understands my need to have it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love him or that I want to leave. It’s an emergency fund.

I have savings in my own name with no plans to spend them. I work hard for my money and save from my salary. We have equal disposable income and I save my share. I don't feel guilty about it at all.

I think it’s a good idea especially for women who tend to earn less, stay at home mums for example, or women who’ve had their careers interrupted, and therefore also their savings, pensions etc. Not just incase they decide to leave, lots of mumsnetters are left for OW. So many reasons to leave, it would be a shame for finances, or lack thereof, to be a reason to stay..

Yes. I have almost 2 years salary in a variety of investments all solely in my name. DH knows I have savings, but probably not how much I’ve managed to save.

DH and I both have savings in our own names, it doesn't need to be a secret but I think it is important to have access to cash in an emergency if needed

If you can't have money saved in your own name without it being a secret then that's a red flag already IMHO

Nope I'm single working mum with 3 kids. I couldn't fuck off even if I wanted to!. Before my separation we had some savings together but I think it seems quite deceitful to hide savings from your partner. I can imagine the responses if someone posted to say they had discovered their (male)partner had a secret stash

I do know my mother has her own savings from inheritance and jobs over the years most likely, though she was largely a SAHM. Mind you, coming up to 55 years married, so I doubt now she'll ever need it. Makes sense to have savings if not already working. I have NADA savings, but single and support myself, DC, dog, house, so have my own collateral.

DH and I keep our savings in Premium Bonds so they are individual savings account and we have a pretty even amount. It’s not designed as a fuck off fund but our hopes of winning a million and a bit of fun every month but after reading threads on here I’m so glad that I have plenty of protected funds in my own name that can’t disappear without me knowing.

If I had DC I would put some aside with strict instructions as others have done. You just don’t know what’s around the corner

I have several savings pots, even one for a good send off should I pop my clogs, don't have a FoF one, yet........

I had to squirrel money into an account in my name only with my exh as he was so awful with money. Had managed to save 4K in a joint savings account and he spent that without me knowing. I knew then I was going to have to set up my own account for when the inevitable happened and I left him.

Managed to squirrel away £3k before I left him. That paid for the divorce and new furniture for my new house.

Happily remarried now and have my own savings account but Dh knows about it and I have no plans to use that money to leave him.

Same as a lot of pp on here, my mum told me if I’m ever not happy in a relationship to start a fund of my own so it’s not to hard to leave.

I have my own savings to be able to leave and local family with room for me. Not that I ever anticipate using it. 16 years in I'm still very much in love. But I guess no one does!

I agree that it’s wise if everyone is financially independent, but through various circumstances, that doesn’t always happen.

My DH has always worked FT and although I’m financially independent now there’s been times when this wasn’t the case e.g. unpaid maternity leave, working PT, being made redundant. Life is expensive and not everyone has the luxury of savings. There were times when we had to plough everything we had into keeping us afloat (buying a house, essential home repairs, unemployment - sometimes a contingency fund isn’t enough). If our circumstances changed suddenly at those times, either through a marriage break up or death then we’d have been up shit creek. It always pays to have a little something kept aside and a quick glance at the relationship boards on here shows you how often vulnerable women are stranded.

I have my own savings in my own name.

I separated from my partner last year but we’re still living together.

Joint names on mortgage.

We are not married.

Can anyone answer the following?

The savings are in my name and the money is being saved from my earnings. Am I correct in thinking that I won’t have to disclose these savings to him in the future, when we sell the house or sort out child maintenance for example ?

Thanks

I wish I did, but I kinda did things backwards. I got a mortgage young and accidentally sold at good times and had a property with a small mortgage that has increased in price. He contributed to the bills a short time before wanting to move again and get a joint mortgage due to the market it wouldn't sell so I rented it out. It is about finished now. But he is leaving and even though not married and its in my name only am going to have to sell it to give him his 'share' of the overall assets and pay down on the mortgage on this one. I have worked full time part time and been a SAHM. I have got my self trapped with no job while he has a huge London salary and pension and I had planned the house money to be for the kids futures or 'my pension'. Have been an idiot. He doesn't even want to give me 50/50 doesn't think I deserve it hahaha hahaha but wants money out of the rental he had just about sod all to do with. Go figure. If I had realised he was going to be like this I would of squirrelled some away whilst I was working but too late now.

@Sadness as unmarried you should walk away with what is in your name or half of joint names. Hence the irony of my situation of selling my rental to pay him towards the total assets to suit himself.