Does everyone have a ‘Fuck Off Fund’?

[Bookaholic73]

I’m curious if most people have a Fuck Off Fund?

It’s an amount of money that you’ve saved that your spouse doesn’t know about, for you to use if/when you divorce/split up.

Or if you’re planning on eventually leaving your spouse but are waiting until you have a big enough FOF to do it.

Someone recently told that this was always worth having, just in case, and I’m seriously tempted.

Why be married to someone you don’t trust

Why buy a car thats likely to crash?
Why buy a house if you expect it to flood/catch fire?
Why save 6 months worth of salary as a cushion if you love your job?
Why take out holiday insurance if you are in good health?
Why buy a dog or cat if it has health problems?

Do you see where I'm going with this lol?
Noone expects these things to happen but we still take out insurance against them to financially protect us.
You can be completely and utterly in love with someone for years until one day you arent. It happens to a lot of people and it has nothing to do with a lack of love at the time.

All my money is in my name and I have savings. I do however, have a FoH (a f*ck off house) in my name only, in case of emergencies.

I have my own account with a fair sum - and it's my 'just in case' account.
I have brought up my dds to always have their own money and never rely on anyone else. Just like I have brought them up to never ever give a man a second chance. Cynical it may be but it's my advice.

I have what I call my running away money as I told my MiL once. I have no need or want to leave lovely DH but no one ever knows!

Yup ... had one for over 10y. Enough for a deposit on a house ands a few months rent and bills should I need it.

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

Why be married to someone you don’t trust

Why buy a car thats likely to crash?
Why buy a house if you expect it to flood/catch fire?
Why save 6 months worth of salary as a cushion if you love your job?
Why take out holiday insurance if you are in good health?
Why buy a dog or cat if it has health problems?

Do you see where I'm going with this lol?
Noone expects these things to happen but we still take out insurance against them to financially protect us.
You can be completely and utterly in love with someone for years until one day you arent. It happens to a lot of people and it has nothing to do with a lack of love at the time.

Great post - 100% agree.

Naaah still disagree.

Also “in your name” is legally meaningless if you are married - you know that right?

I am far from naive thanks 🙄

@MsTSwift

Naaah still disagree.

Also “in your name” is legally meaningless if you are married - you know that right?

I am far from naive thanks 🙄

You have every right to disagree and not protect yourself. I hope nothing bad ever happens to you.

But dont imply that anyone who wants to protect themselves doesnt love their partner as thats really incredibly ignorant, rude and well, just plain wrong.

What’s wrong is marrying someone you don’t trust. Once you are married that’s it what’s “in your name” isn’t necessarily yours anymore. The time for caution is pre marriage. Any doubt don’t do it. This secret fund thing is legally pointless and locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

@MsTSwift

What’s wrong is marrying someone you don’t trust. Once you are married that’s it what’s “in your name” isn’t necessarily yours anymore. The time for caution is pre marriage. Any doubt don’t do it. This secret fund thing is legally pointless and locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.

Nah, completely disagree!

I bet Taylor Swift has a FOF if she ever marries.

Courts don’t like you squirrelling money away in divorce settlements. Makes you appear shady.

No I was bloody careful who I married

@MsTSwift

Naaah still disagree.

Also “in your name” is legally meaningless if you are married - you know that right?

I am far from naive thanks 🙄

Could've fooled me. Still patronising as all feck tho.

Could've fooled me. Still patronising as all feck tho

Yeah. I will say though- the people I know who brag and shout the loudest about how wonderful their relationships are, often have the worst, shittiest relationships behind closed doors.

Just something Ive noticed over and over again.

@MsTSwift

No I was bloody careful who I married

Lucky. Lucky is the word you are looking for.

Yup. I’m unmarried so I need my own protections

The education that needs to be given is how legally marriage is a massive deal. Frankly once married it’s too late. That’s when advice needed pre marriage

Also “in your name” is legally meaningless if you are married - you know that right?

Yes, in the case of death or divorce.

But, if you’re married and have a bank account that’s solely in your name and you need to leave the relationship, only you can access that money. From the time you leave to the time a divorce is finalised can be a long time. It makes sense to have money that you, and only you, can access.

I would be careful because hiding/selling/transferring assets, to deprive a spouse of a fair share in divorce, and to deceive the court, is a fraud which is a criminal offence punishable by imprisonment.

I completely trusted the man I married. We had joint accounts and no separate savings. Luckily I’d read the relationships section on here so when he informed me we were over out of the blue after 20+ years together (15+ of those married) I immediately transferred half of our joint savings to my personal account. That money that meant that I could get decent legal advice, pay my bills and generally keep living until the divorce (and financial settlement) was all sorted. It took 11 months and that’s pretty fast for one that goes to court. If the account had been frozen or if he’d cleared the account I would have had to borrow ££££ from family to pay for the solicitor that got me a fair deal (including spousal support.) I’d probably have settled for less just to get it over with.

If you’d asked me five minutes before he told me he wanted a divorce I’d have said I trusted him 100%.

My husband and I have separated savings , I view mine as a nest egg in case I need to leave.

@MsTSwift

Courts don’t like you squirrelling money away in divorce settlements. Makes you appear shady.

So, what do the courts do if you have used your money to leave home, rent a flat, furnish it, support your children and feed yourselves until you find a job? Do you honestly think they will turn you, and your children out onto the streets? If you are talking about a final financial settlement, it may be different, I honestly don't know. But if I was leaving an abusive partner and blowing a few grand in actually living, quite honestly my dear, I would not give a fuck.

@Pyewhacket

I would be careful because hiding/selling/transferring assets, to deprive a spouse of a fair share in divorce, and to deceive the court, is a fraud which is a criminal offence punishable by imprisonment.

Its not about hiding it!

Its about immediate access to funds if the worst happens and the bottom drops out of your world.
If someone suddenly leaves the family home, and you cant pay the mortgage or the bills in the interim period - what then? divorce can take years to get sorted.
Not to mention, its sensible to have a fund in place for lots of other reasons too- what if your roof suddenly needed massive repairs? what if your spouse had an accident that meant they couldn't work? what if you lost your job that seemed super secure at the time (just look at covid and what that has taught us about unexpected redundancies).
Having a financial cushion thats only accessible to you is sensible for so many situations.

Divorce is a process. There’s a big gap between deciding to divorce and the final papers being filed. As long as you declare what you need to on your form E it’s perfectly acceptable to have funds and use them.