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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there anyone who ^would^ be ok with this?

473 replies

ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 06:54

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and its exclusive, he asked me to be his girlfriend all that. Not that it's relevant but just wanted to give some context. He's been very nice to me so far. Made a few porn related references/requests but has been respectful and not mentioned again when I've said no.

Yesterday, I spent the day alone - it was my choice. He had invited me over. Anyway, I anticipated a day of self indulgence but ended up just feeling melancholy and sad.

To 'cheer me up' he sent me a short video of something completely innocuous but at the end it transitioned to a brief 'porn' clip of a woman getting slapped in the face by an enormous erect cock. I'm aware it was probably set up but she appeared to be shocked by it and, tbh, it looked painful.

I saw it but didn't reply because I was feeling a bit crap and just couldn't be bothered dealing with it.

That was about 7pm and 40 mins later he sent a follow up message saying he had thought it was funny anyway.

I didn't respond to that either and heard nothing else.

I want to respond today saying something like, "Tbh, I'm never going to find sexual violence amusing. I think that's just exposed an incompatibility that means this isn't going to work for me. Thanks for a lovely couple of months but I'm going to leave it here."

I can anticipate his reaction that I'm over reacting and it's just a joke but I've been sexually assaulted in the past and raped and i just don't find it funny. I think its probably the sort of thing he and his mates send to each other and so won't see the problem with it.

It just put me right off.

But i am curious as to whether anyone would actually be ok with it?

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 26/12/2020 06:57

No, I wouldn't be OK with that.

slipperywhensparticus · 26/12/2020 06:57

I wouldn't be ok with this

RandomMess · 26/12/2020 06:57

I wouldn't be, he sounds about 15!!! How old is he?

marthastew · 26/12/2020 06:58

Nope and I think your message is what I would send too.

KitKatastrophe · 26/12/2020 06:59

No, I think you would be right to end it

HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace · 26/12/2020 06:59

I would find this unacceptable and it would also put me off the man who sent it.

TokyoSushi · 26/12/2020 06:59

Nope, grim. Your message sounds perfect.

Kerberos · 26/12/2020 07:00

No. I would most definitely not be OK with that.

Scarydinosaurs · 26/12/2020 07:01

No not okay- well done for having good boundaries.

Littlemilkjug · 26/12/2020 07:04

Not ok. Your message is perfect. And your standards are high - keep them that way. Better off without him.

New year, fresh start Flowers

Stepintochristmas · 26/12/2020 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 26/12/2020 07:06

Nah. Send the message and feel proud that you value your self-worth.

ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 07:06

That's a few of us then! Grin

He's 50 🙄

Thing is I'm not a prude.

We'd been messaging on and off through the day and the messages were fine.

He'd sent me a photo earlier of his 'gift wrapped' cock as a bit of a joke and I was fine with that. It was in context of the conversation at that moment and was quite amusing but he definitely misjudged that video massively.

OP posts:
ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 07:07

I think you need to mention specifically why you’re not ok with it so he doesn’t think it’s just you being a prude.

How do you mean?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 26/12/2020 07:08

He's 50?! That makes it a double no from me!

NoDontDoIt · 26/12/2020 07:09

No, and your message is perfect

throughmylens · 26/12/2020 07:11

I wouldn't be ok with this. I'd send him the message you drafted

Camenon · 26/12/2020 07:11

He'll get worse, he's just testing the waters at the moment.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2020 07:12

You don't need to tell him any additional reasons why. If he's 50 and he doesn't know, it's too late for him.

NotaCoolMum · 26/12/2020 07:13

He sounds disgusting and has a very juvenile sense of humour. You’re 100% right to get rid x

2typesofjungle · 26/12/2020 07:13

Gosh, the 'gift wrapped cock' photo would have upset me more. But if you aren't OK with the silly message he sent then you are best to be true to yourself.

ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 07:14

He'll get worse, he's just testing the waters at the moment.

Quite.

You don't need to tell him any additional reasons why. If he's 50 and he doesn't know, it's too late for him.

That's my feeling tbh.

Honestly, are there any men who aren't just crap and sleazy!

Because I'm struggling to find one if there are!

OP posts:
SonEtLumiere · 26/12/2020 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 07:16

Gosh, the 'gift wrapped cock' photo would have upset me more. But if you aren't OK with the silly message he sent then you are best to be true to yourself.

Tbh, I wouldn't have liked that if it had been unsolicited but, in the context of the conversation we were having at the time, it was fine and intended to be amusing and it was. But that was in the context of a conversation about us missing out of Christmas Day sex. Not just out of nowhere. And it was just him and no one else was being humiliated etc...

OP posts:
MeMarmiteYouJam · 26/12/2020 07:19

I would feel the same as you.

Your past doesn't need to be brought into it at all - you shouldn't have to disclose experiences of being subjected to abuse in order to lend weight to your thoughts, feelings and opinions.

He sounds a bit grim.

Honestly, are there any men who aren't just crap and sleazy!

Rarer than hen's teeth ..

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