Is there anyone who ^would^ be ok with this?

[ByAnotherNameToday]

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and its exclusive, he asked me to be his girlfriend all that. Not that it's relevant but just wanted to give some context. He's been very nice to me so far. Made a few porn related references/requests but has been respectful and not mentioned again when I've said no.

Yesterday, I spent the day alone - it was my choice. He had invited me over. Anyway, I anticipated a day of self indulgence but ended up just feeling melancholy and sad.

To 'cheer me up' he sent me a short video of something completely innocuous but at the end it transitioned to a brief 'porn' clip of a woman getting slapped in the face by an enormous erect cock. I'm aware it was probably set up but she appeared to be shocked by it and, tbh, it looked painful.

I saw it but didn't reply because I was feeling a bit crap and just couldn't be bothered dealing with it.

That was about 7pm and 40 mins later he sent a follow up message saying he had thought it was funny anyway.

I didn't respond to that either and heard nothing else.

I want to respond today saying something like, "Tbh, I'm never going to find sexual violence amusing. I think that's just exposed an incompatibility that means this isn't going to work for me. Thanks for a lovely couple of months but I'm going to leave it here."

I can anticipate his reaction that I'm over reacting and it's just a joke but I've been sexually assaulted in the past and raped and i just don't find it funny. I think its probably the sort of thing he and his mates send to each other and so won't see the problem with it.

It just put me right off.

But i am curious as to whether anyone would actually be ok with it?

The reason he has the luxury of finding it funny is because he will never be the one getting whacked in the face with an erect cock; having it filmed and then passed round the internet. It’s only funny because it’s someone else. He would not send it around if it was him or anyone he had feelings for.

Well exactly.

Can you tell him how disappointed you are to see how little empathy he has for people getting sexually assaulted.

I think I'll keep that for a follow up message if he comes back with "it was a joke/supposed to be funny".

I suppose, like most men, it wont have occured to him that its degrading/humiliating to be on the receiving end of something like that. Nor that women in porn have to tolerate things they don't like 'as part of the job'.

I wouldn't and neither would any of my friends. But I wouldn't bother trying to explain why you are ending things. A 50 year old who thinks that's 1.funny 2.acceptable is a moron who won't understand anyway. I'd just ditch him.

No, definitely would NOT be ok with that. You are NBU. I think the response you outlined in your OP is correct. Send it, then block! Sounds like an absolute sleazeball to me.

Nope, I wouldn't be okay with that.

Sleazy, boundary testing.

Your message is spot on. Remember to block him after. And who cares if he thinks you're a prude? It's his world view that's messed up, not yours.

If your instincts are telling you no, then you ought to listen.

I wouldn’t find that funny...I’d also be worried that it’s actually an indication of his overall outlook and sense of humour.

No I wouldn’t be ok with any of that, also think he’s testing the water. Good for you having boundaries

He's been entirely respectful of my own boundaries so far so I suspect he won't see the issue at all and will just insist that he wouldnt donthat to me or something.

I'm not going to explain my reasons. It really does just expose a complete incompatibility.

Glad that I'm not alone though!

Eww! What is wrong with him?! My DH would NEVER send me a video like that. Gross. Tbh, I wouldn't even bother replying, - he'll reply telling you you're being sensitive, you'll want to reply telling him he's an arse , etc, etc. Silence is golden and having the moral high ground is, I find, extremely satisfying.

Sorry he turned out to be such a disappointment op 👎🏻

Can people just stop with the ”prude” crap?!

That’s some serious internalized misogyny.

Women are aloud to have boundaries, not like whatever sexual behavior or not have se at all, it doesn’t make them prudes.

He sounds icky.

Can people just stop with the ”prude” crap?!

Yes, you're right.

50!!!!!!!!......run for the hills

So many women accept it though. They must or men would have realised by now it's not good for the continuation of their sex life to do it!

That's a well known whatsapp clip that does the rounds every year

OP you have healthy boundaries and high standards. Your message is worded well and I think you should send it.

The ick would descend for me. Get rid!

Not acceptable and a good message. Best to get rid and find someone who respects women.

That's a well known whatsapp clip that does the rounds every year

Really!

First time I've seen it (if it's even the same one).

Also the first time I've been sent a clip. There was a man once who sent me a photo of a woman giving a bj with a shocked look on her face and cum streaming out of her nose 🙄

Funny how men arent so keen on sending photos of men being sexually humiliated.

@Stepintochristmas

I wouldn’t be ok with this. I think you need to mention specifically why you’re not ok with it so he doesn’t think it’s just you being a prude. Then maybe he will think twice about sending things like this to women in the future.

Please don’t listen to this.

No one needs to give a reason for not liking porn. And women who don want to be sent porn clips are not prudes!

Ridiculous. Name calling is never justified. It’s okay to like porn, it’s okay to dislike it.

Labelling it as something wrong puts the blame on women. Sexist and narrow minded response.

i think i have seen that penis thing,
it is a joke

@stanlet

That's a well known whatsapp clip that does the rounds every year

Never seen it so not that well known.

but op it is your decision, it makes no ounce of difference what I or other posters feel about it

Doubly fast if he is aware of either why you declined the original porn request or your previous sexual assault.

He is aware. I know a lot of people advise not to say anything but I feel safer if I'm upfront about it.

Beside, it reveals these men more obviously.

I will never forget sitting with my cousin and her boyfriend at the time when he suddenly started laughing about porn videos where the female model suffers a severe prolapse on camera and trying to show them to us

It's way past a red flag, finding sexual violence funny is a clear indication that a man doesn't see women as people.