Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Living apart because of his x.

203 replies

Lacroix89 · 22/12/2020 10:37

Hi mums,
I'm new here and I didn't know where else to write about thia as my friends and family don't understand how I feel and they're not partial.

For the past year I've been living together with my fiancé. He's got 3 children from a previous relationship and when we moved in together he wasn't allowed to see his children. Their mom said they didn't want to and that he had chosen my children over his own. And the time went on and on and nothing seemed to work because and she said he had to get his own flat if he wanted to see his kids, because they don't need a new mommy and didn't want to see me.
At first he refused because he said she couldn't decide what he had to do.

But he started to slowly fall apart so I said he should get another flat so he has a chance to see them. Meaning he'd use it whenever he was gonna see he kids and be in our flat the rest of the flat. And as soon as he said the the mom he was planning on it he got to see his kids. Now he's moved out and I'm standing here heartbroken. Not knowing when I will see him again. Becuase he's a spent alot of time in the new flat. I know it is because he's setting up furnitures and stuff, but i find it hard to deal with. I hate the fact that i don't know if and when he'll stop by here, as he's moved all hia clothes etc to the new flat, so it would seem to the kids that he lives there.
Or if he's gonna stay over. Over a night my whole life changed, i hate the fact that i won't wake up in the morning and he'll be there every morning, or going to bed at night together every night.
And i dont know what the future will be. If I will slowly get introduced into hia kids lives.
I hope you guys understand what I mean. Of course urae he has to put his kids first and make it work. But I don't know if i could take it withoit knowing it will be an end to all this. What would you have done? I mean I've said to him several times that I want him to be here as much as before when his kids are not with him and he said he would. But somehow everything is different😭 And all because his x refuse to let me see his kids. He's not even sure they have said they don't want to meet me. That it's more to not upset their mom.

Please write me something. Please tell me what to do, what you would have done. Good or bad.

I know I have to do this for his kids sake but how much should I put up with? There must be a limit somewhere.

OP posts:
Lacroix89 · 23/04/2021 09:16

Well, I wrote this post 4 months ago and he have since talked about it and straightened things out.
His kids stay with him every other weekend Thursday - monday morning as they go to school and between that they stay with him whenever they want which is basically 3-4 more nights in between the set weekends.

And when the kids are not staying there he stays with me.

He has put his foot down to his ex and she has calmed down even though she tries to manipulate and ruin things still. But as soon as she tried he cuts her off.

I have since then started to talk to his children and I have met them a few times and they seem alright with it, as neither him or his ex has said anything about it.

I'm sure you still think he should take her to court but for now it actually works for everyone but the ex. She knows he stays here when the kids aren't around and she has tried to make him feel guilty about it, but he just tells her to mind her own business and don't contact him unless it's regarding the kids and it seems to have affect.

What more could I ask for? Nothing really.

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 23/04/2021 23:54

I, for one, am so glad to hear this,OP! Hope for continued happiness in the future!

ItsNotLoveActually · 24/04/2021 00:02

Great update OP. So glad it's worked out for you. Sometimes it's just a gradual awakening and one that he needed to take.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread