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Original poster

He had imagined a "different figure" based on my pics

174 replies

WelcomeBackAmelia · 21/12/2020 17:09

Hi all, just NCed as I feel slightly embarrassed by the topic. I am an active Mumsnet user though.

Yesterday I went out on an online date with a man I had been chatting with for a few days. We went for a walk and had a coffee in a bar. The date was nice, although he mostly talked about his job and didn't ask me many questions.

When the time to say goodbye came, he literally said "listen, meeting you was pleasant, but based on the pictures on your profile I had imagined a different figure and I am not really interested. Hope you don't mind me being so direct but I think honesty is the best policy. Best of luck" and off he went Shock

I am 5'6", 8 stone 12, size 8. I am pretty athletic, not a lot of curves. On my profile I have two pictures in a swimsuit (not sexy pics, just spontaneous pictures on the beach). I think they show pretty clearly my size and body shape. My height is clearly stated on my profile as well.

Now, I know I should just shrug it off and move on. However I don't understand what he meant? Did he think I was curvier or perhaps smaller? Was it just a lame excuse? It sounded so specific though..

This type of thing had never happened to me, so I am a little paranoid now that my dating profile is deceiving and the guy felt somewhat tricked? Do you reckon he was just a dick? I feel pretty annoyed at the way he said that stuff to me. Surely that is pretty rude?!

OP posts:
merrymouse · 21/12/2020 19:28

I think it sounds as though you had a lucky escape.

I can't think of a good non creepy reason to be that specific.

Eddielzzard · 21/12/2020 19:29

Well you wouldn't want to spend any more time with someone who thought that was ok would you? He said it to put you down and he knew he wouldn't get another date. I agree he was just getting in there first and being malicious about it too.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 21/12/2020 19:38

What a twat. Thank goodness he showed his colours on the first date and didn't waste any more of your time. He was unspeakably rude and not worthy of a second thought. Block him and go and have a glass of wine.

LaetenturCoeli · 21/12/2020 19:56

OP, he's a complete and utter dick.

TheCattleGrid · 21/12/2020 19:57

I'm mad as hell about this. I think this was a calculated, well practised and planned in advance attempt at 'negging'. Please, please don't change and in fact get an extra strut in your stride...you were so beautiful, intelligent and kind that he knew he could never win you fairly so instead used internet advice aimed at tatty 14 year olds to win you by playing on your insecurities. However although you don't think you're perfect you don't have weird hang ups about your body, preferring instead to keep fit....I would gauge his overloaded testicles out with my housekeys if I could.

Chocolate1984 · 21/12/2020 19:57

I wouldn’t give him headspace. Think he was just rude for kicks.

rollinggreenhills · 21/12/2020 20:03

I must be getting old because in my dating years, most men were just overwhelmed with delight that a real live actual woman was in close proximity and wasn't actually fending them off in disgust.

ShellieEllie · 21/12/2020 20:03

Be thankful he said that after your first date! You dodged a bullet there.

ForestNymph · 21/12/2020 20:04

@TheCattleGrid

I'm mad as hell about this. I think this was a calculated, well practised and planned in advance attempt at 'negging'. Please, please don't change and in fact get an extra strut in your stride...you were so beautiful, intelligent and kind that he knew he could never win you fairly so instead used internet advice aimed at tatty 14 year olds to win you by playing on your insecurities. However although you don't think you're perfect you don't have weird hang ups about your body, preferring instead to keep fit....I would gauge his overloaded testicles out with my housekeys if I could.
I think this as well. I'm convinced of it.
OneFootintheRave · 21/12/2020 20:10

@pinkdragons

FWIW your body type is my ideal. He probably thought it didn't go well.. as in you weren't interested and he wanted to get in their first and say something cutting. Absolute arse.

Do not dwell on this. He is not worth any headspace at all.

This is exactly what I thought.
thinkingaboutLangCleg · 21/12/2020 20:11

I went out briefly with a man like this, who liked making ‘honest’ remarks that embarrassed people or put them down. Always done with pretended wide-eyed innocence. I hadn’t heard the expression “gaslighting” back then, but in the short time I knew him, he’d already started undermining my confidence. Horrible fellow. So glad you dodged that bullet, OP.

chipsandgin · 21/12/2020 20:12

I’d love it if you’d answered ‘Really, based on yours I expected you to less of a dull, pompous self absorbed dick’.

Just move on and pity the poor woman who ends up with a knob like that OP!

OneFootintheRave · 21/12/2020 20:13

@RUOKHon

I find posts like this, where the OP gives their vital stats in detail, a bit pro-ana-ish.
Eh? She's a normal healthy weight.
JurassicParkAha · 21/12/2020 20:17

Dickhead. Absolutely no need for that kind of 'honesty'. Only someone with low self esteem would be quite this insulting to a first date. Unless your photos were photoshopped, he absolutely knew what you looked like. Agree with pp that this is 'negging' - I've had it too. Normally insecure men who think you're out of their league and hate you for it.

Next time a man says that, tell him, "Oh thanks for your honesty, I thought your social awkwardness was because you were conscious of your BO. Glad we cleared that up!"

ThirstyGhost · 21/12/2020 20:18

Christ whenever I read a thread about online dating on here it just sounds awful these days. I'm late 40s now but did internet dating back when it all began in my 20s. I honestly think it was better back then or at least it was less vicious.

OP you just dodged an extremely unpleasant and shallow bullet.

Sally2791 · 21/12/2020 20:19

Rude shallow dick. Well dodged!

frumpety · 21/12/2020 20:23

OP for the future , tinkly laugh and 'oh thank God for that, at least I don't have to let you down gently' and walk away !

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 21/12/2020 20:23

He's about 5'8" a you're 5'6"? I'd bet good money it's because he's insecure about his height. Did you wear shoes with a high heel?

goldielockdown2 · 21/12/2020 20:24

He was hoping you were shorter.
And he's a cunt.

Raidblunner · 21/12/2020 20:24

He's a Complete Twat and thats coming from a man. I did online dating for a couple of years, went on numerous dates but would never have dreamt of being so rude and hurtful. Its simply a matter of no chemistry or no spark. Fuck all to do with how one imagined the physicallity to be and never be thoughtless enough to mention. Dust yourself off and keep trying. Somebody will love you for who and exactly what you are.

Ceriane · 21/12/2020 20:29

OMG that is shallow!

random9876 · 21/12/2020 20:34

Tell him to get a refund from charm school! 😂 I doubt that in a million years, you‘d have given him feedback on his looks. Maybe a comment on 5 8 being not all that? Er of course not! Because you aren‘t pointlessly rude and shallow! He could have left it and just said thanks for the but it wasn‘t quite right like the rest of the world with manners.

Taylrse · 21/12/2020 20:40

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with him!!

I can't imagine ever saying to a man that his figure wasn't what I imagined 😂 so why the heck did he think he could say it to anyone is beyond me.
Lack of social skills and no tact.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 21/12/2020 20:49

Ugh!

This is when you need to be able to rewind and be ready with a response like “haha, and I was just thinking that from your messages I expected more depth and better manners”.

He thinks he is gods gift and can walk amongst women picking and discarding as if he was buying meat.

Who on earth wants a man who makes decisions about human beings based on a silhouette?

It’s him, not you.

TowandaForever · 21/12/2020 20:54

People seem to be missing that he didn't message the op this after the date.

He said this to her face at the end of the date!

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