He had imagined a "different figure" based on my pics

[WelcomeBackAmelia]

Hi all, just NCed as I feel slightly embarrassed by the topic. I am an active Mumsnet user though.

Yesterday I went out on an online date with a man I had been chatting with for a few days. We went for a walk and had a coffee in a bar. The date was nice, although he mostly talked about his job and didn't ask me many questions.

When the time to say goodbye came, he literally said "listen, meeting you was pleasant, but based on the pictures on your profile I had imagined a different figure and I am not really interested. Hope you don't mind me being so direct but I think honesty is the best policy. Best of luck" and off he went

I am 5'6", 8 stone 12, size 8. I am pretty athletic, not a lot of curves. On my profile I have two pictures in a swimsuit (not sexy pics, just spontaneous pictures on the beach). I think they show pretty clearly my size and body shape. My height is clearly stated on my profile as well.

Now, I know I should just shrug it off and move on. However I don't understand what he meant? Did he think I was curvier or perhaps smaller? Was it just a lame excuse? It sounded so specific though..

This type of thing had never happened to me, so I am a little paranoid now that my dating profile is deceiving and the guy felt somewhat tricked? Do you reckon he was just a dick? I feel pretty annoyed at the way he said that stuff to me. Surely that is pretty rude?!

@RUOKHon

I find posts like this, where the OP gives their vital stats in detail, a bit pro-ana-ish.

Do you? I think she was just trying to explain that her true self matched her online description. What if OP had stated she was size 14, both in her photos and in real life?

Honestly, you sound hot. He is an arsehole because even if it were true, a half decent person wouldnt say it.
He sounded like he knew you didnt fancy him so wanted to get in and reject you first. Sick bastard..i wish you would share his profile so we avoid him

It doesn't matter whether people think he was/wasn't negging its the sheer shallowness of it all. Nothing about the personality, all about the physical. I've dated men who are not exactly Brad Pitt because their personality has made them attractive. I don't mean just that they were kind and well mannered but they really make you laugh and feel relaxed enough to truly be yourself.
If he had said I had a nice time but I didn't get that spark that probably means the same as I don't find you physically attractive (in fact it does) but to just bluntly say your figure isn't right? So if you had a different physique but zero personality that probably would have been fine for him. Bullet dodged.

I think you should reply saying, "Meeting you was pleasant, but based on the messages we exchanged I had imagined a different personality and I am not really interested. Hope you don't mind me being so direct but I think honesty is the best policy. Best of luck."

Yes, he's a dick.

@GimmeSammy I am not in the UK (hence the date yesterday, no strict lockdown here!) so thank God for you guys I don't think you risk to bump into his profile!

Hope you said ''...yes - you're not attractive either but I think it's shallow to go on looks!'' - or some such!

Just a question. I have never used online dating. I've been with my husband since we were late teens twenty years ago. So , is it normal to put swimsuit photos on your profile? I don't think I would want to be doing that!

I once got chatting to someone on Tinder, and noticed he was on another dating site. On that site he'd stipulated a "maximum weight" of 7.5 stone! Even more weird, he'd got pictures of his daughter who looked to be about that weight. Creepy guy.

Either clueless or spiteful. Either way you've dodged a bullet. I wish I had your figure!

I bet he was a feast for the eyes in every possible way, too...

@User878856488 in the past I didn't have swimsuit pictures to be honest, but last summer a friend of mine took two fun, spontaneous pictures of me in a one piece swimsuit (one whilst I was doing stand up paddling and the other one while I was about to dive into a lake) and I thought they were nice and spontaneous images, not sexy at all. So I put them up to give a more complete image of what I look like on my profile.

Maximum weigh of 7.5 stone! Gosh. I'm just over ten stone, he would be horrified by me! And I think I would be more horrified by him!

He probably imagined you turning up in a swimsuit and got confused when you had a coat on 🙄 what an arse.

@RUOKHon how fucking rude are you! You are a fucking disgrace.

Holy shit, you really dodged a bullet. Be happy about that!

He's a dick! When I went on my first online date, a personal trainer bloke, he said I looked bigger than my pictures! I wanted to cry but stuck it out thinking he was just blunt. He proceeded to chase me for a year! I think it's a bit schoolboyish really, someone trying to get a tiny one up but which makes you realise why they are single. You've had a lucky escape. I'm a size 14/16 btw and proceeded to date a number of super fit blokes after this, none of whom seem less than obsessed with my body!

@RUOKHon

I find posts like this, where the OP gives their vital stats in detail, a bit pro-ana-ish.

She's 8 stone 12, not 6 stone 12.

I reckon he thought you had big boobs

I’d say you’ve had a lucky escape, OP. He sounds decidedly dickish.

Guess you'd imagined someone with better manners and conversation!

Sounds like you have a fab figure so nothing to worry about there.

Probably just his way of saying he didn’t want to see you again. It is a bit random (& potentially hurtful) though!
But I guess at least he was honest and didn’t lie & say see you soon and leave you hanging.

He's probably the sort of no end that tells women stuff like that as a power thing. Your figure sounds amazing just ignore what a tossed

Hi OP, think his behaviour was deliberate - he could easily see your figure from your photos so didn't need to meet with you at all if you weren't his "type". He talked about himself and then judged you on your appearance - definitely a looser not a keeper! Very shallow - couldn't have got to know your personality since he didn't show any interest in you. Move on and forget him - you are better than this. Please don't question yourself or your profile - it's definitely him not you!

Wow. What a piece of work. Lucky you, to escape him!

Wow some of the comments here are shocking. I think he just didn’t fancy you, but wasn’t very tactful about it!
Better than being ghosted imo.
Your figure sounds fantastic so don’t let it bother you. Onwards & upwards!