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Original poster

He had imagined a "different figure" based on my pics

174 replies

WelcomeBackAmelia · 21/12/2020 17:09

Hi all, just NCed as I feel slightly embarrassed by the topic. I am an active Mumsnet user though.

Yesterday I went out on an online date with a man I had been chatting with for a few days. We went for a walk and had a coffee in a bar. The date was nice, although he mostly talked about his job and didn't ask me many questions.

When the time to say goodbye came, he literally said "listen, meeting you was pleasant, but based on the pictures on your profile I had imagined a different figure and I am not really interested. Hope you don't mind me being so direct but I think honesty is the best policy. Best of luck" and off he went Shock

I am 5'6", 8 stone 12, size 8. I am pretty athletic, not a lot of curves. On my profile I have two pictures in a swimsuit (not sexy pics, just spontaneous pictures on the beach). I think they show pretty clearly my size and body shape. My height is clearly stated on my profile as well.

Now, I know I should just shrug it off and move on. However I don't understand what he meant? Did he think I was curvier or perhaps smaller? Was it just a lame excuse? It sounded so specific though..

This type of thing had never happened to me, so I am a little paranoid now that my dating profile is deceiving and the guy felt somewhat tricked? Do you reckon he was just a dick? I feel pretty annoyed at the way he said that stuff to me. Surely that is pretty rude?!

OP posts:
ragged · 21/12/2020 17:36

chalk that one up as one of life's adventures (& bullet dodged)

Honestly, it's all his problem, nothing you did wrong. You need someone who likes you how you are not their obscure fantasy.

pinkdragons · 21/12/2020 17:45

FWIW your body type is my ideal.
He probably thought it didn't go well.. as in you weren't interested and he wanted to get in their first and say something cutting.
Absolute arse.

Do not dwell on this. He is not worth any headspace at all.

pinkdragons · 21/12/2020 17:46

There*

CornforthWhite · 21/12/2020 17:49

He could tell you weren’t in to him and he wanted to unsettle you. Horrible person don’t give him another thought

Nowaynothappening · 21/12/2020 17:50

Sounds like a shallow dickhead. Imagine being in a serious relationship with him, you’d be terrified to gain a few pounds incase Mr Perfect judged you.

YoniAndGuy · 21/12/2020 17:50

Yes, done to make you feel small. Lots of loser men like this around unfortunately. It's where the patriarchy gets you - the nonentities use their 'powers' to make themselves feel better. Think unhappy school bully mentality.

It doesn't really matter what your pics showed - ok, if they were photoshopped to death to give the impression you were 6 stone lighter than reality, but if you objectively know that they're pretty true to life, then no, please don't doubt yourself. And even if they were misleading or at best flattering... no decent normal person would mention that, they'd make their excuses some other way, if they realised that you didn't do it for them.

So - the only thing that leaves is that he's an inadequate who makes himself feel better by hitting out. Pity, and block.

Grenlei · 21/12/2020 17:51

This is one of those its not you, it's him instances.

I once went on a date with a bloke who said (on the date) he was pleased I looked like my photos as he didn't date 'fat birds.

The irony of him only having posted photos that were head only, or 10 years old showing someone relatively athletic (rather than the Beast off of the Chase double that turned up on my date) was clearly lost on him!

ForestNymph · 21/12/2020 17:52

I can guarantee hes done it just to "neg" you. Saw photos of a slim woman at the beach having fun and decided he wants to knock you down a peg. Ignore

Somersetlevel · 21/12/2020 17:52

Errr well done for showing your colours so early Mr Dick man.

Smile and think lucky escape and move on.

YoniAndGuy · 21/12/2020 17:52

Oh yes and I'd agree too that if he was getting a vibe that you weren't into him, or felt that he was perhaps punchig up on meeting you... then the mentality of people like this is 'get your kicking in first.'

Grim. But no need to give Nonentity another thought, really.

Michaelbaubles · 21/12/2020 17:53

It’s not a nice thing to happen but I don’t get how he’s a dick? He didn’t slag her body off or make a rude remark, just that it wasn’t walkathon he’s interested in. Lots of people have specific physical “types” and the point of dating is to try to find someone who matches what you’re looking for. He was honest, hasn’t expected her to change herself in any way...what should be different?

RUOKHon · 21/12/2020 17:55

I find posts like this, where the OP gives their vital stats in detail, a bit pro-ana-ish.

gamerchick · 21/12/2020 17:55

@Michaelbaubles

It’s not a nice thing to happen but I don’t get how he’s a dick? He didn’t slag her body off or make a rude remark, just that it wasn’t walkathon he’s interested in. Lots of people have specific physical “types” and the point of dating is to try to find someone who matches what you’re looking for. He was honest, hasn’t expected her to change herself in any way...what should be different?
Do you behave like that with people you've just met? It was nasty.
ForestNymph · 21/12/2020 17:55

@Michaelbaubles

It’s not a nice thing to happen but I don’t get how he’s a dick? He didn’t slag her body off or make a rude remark, just that it wasn’t walkathon he’s interested in. Lots of people have specific physical “types” and the point of dating is to try to find someone who matches what you’re looking for. He was honest, hasn’t expected her to change herself in any way...what should be different?
Because he could see from the photos. He's not genuine- he's the sort to meet women for the sole purpose of saying something like this. He won't outright call anyone an arsehole but he will "politely" put someone down and leave them doubting themselves.

No doubt a misogynistic prick who doesn't like happy women.

PrimoPiatti · 21/12/2020 17:56

Lucky escape.

Bence69 · 21/12/2020 17:57

What a knob a grad A one at that x

Original poster
WelcomeBackAmelia · 21/12/2020 18:01

Hi all, thank you for your kind comments. It makes me feel a little better that it is not just me who thinks that his comment was pretty rude.

I am just confused by what he said because ai don't understand what he meant exactly, and of course in the moment I didn't think about asking for clarifications. Perhaps it has got to me more than it should have..

Urgh, online dating Angry

OP posts:
MiddlesexGirl · 21/12/2020 18:02

Agree with PP - he realised you weren't into him and just had to get in first.

Original poster
WelcomeBackAmelia · 21/12/2020 18:02

I don't understand, sorry typo.

OP posts:
Sanblasamor · 21/12/2020 18:02

You're presumably very slim with those stats so I can only think it was very specific like he'd 'imagined' bigger boobs or bum. Either way he's an arsehole and that was a shitty thing to say to someone.

Michaelbaubles · 21/12/2020 18:03

I’m usually the first person to think men are twats tbh but I think it’s a bit much to say he went on the date just to neg her - which, if what the OP tells us he said is all he said, isn’t even really begging, just that she didn’t look how he expected. Maybe he thought she’d be taller or shorter, or have different hair, who the hell knows? I’ve met people from OLD who had accurate photos but looked really different IRL because of the way their face moved, and just how they were!

And having one date with someone and then turning down another date isn’t being mean to “someone you just met”, it’s par for the course, maybe he didn’t want her to get her hopes up or be waiting for a text. Or maybe he sensed she was keener than he felt and really didn’t want there to be any ambiguity. Clumsy and not great but - that’s dating.

MiddlesexGirl · 21/12/2020 18:03

You don't need clarifications. It was nonsense.

LizzieVereker · 21/12/2020 18:08

@Michaelbaubles

It’s not a nice thing to happen but I don’t get how he’s a dick? He didn’t slag her body off or make a rude remark, just that it wasn’t walkathon he’s interested in. Lots of people have specific physical “types” and the point of dating is to try to find someone who matches what you’re looking for. He was honest, hasn’t expected her to change herself in any way...what should be different?
Because he could see from her photos and stats exactly what kind of figure she had, and because it would have cost him nothing to say “It was great to meet you but I’m not feeling a spark”. He didn’t need to be openly critical.
seensome · 21/12/2020 18:08

One of two things, either you not being really honest in your size and it shows or he didn't fancy you so made a horrible remark. Either way he could said a nicer way to say your not what he's looking for.

Original poster
WelcomeBackAmelia · 21/12/2020 18:10

I should add that both the swimsuit pictures on my profile were taken last August and I haven't gained or lost any significant amount of weight since then, so it can't be that the images are too old to be truthful.

OP posts:
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