He had imagined a "different figure" based on my pics

[WelcomeBackAmelia]

Hi all, just NCed as I feel slightly embarrassed by the topic. I am an active Mumsnet user though.

Yesterday I went out on an online date with a man I had been chatting with for a few days. We went for a walk and had a coffee in a bar. The date was nice, although he mostly talked about his job and didn't ask me many questions.

When the time to say goodbye came, he literally said "listen, meeting you was pleasant, but based on the pictures on your profile I had imagined a different figure and I am not really interested. Hope you don't mind me being so direct but I think honesty is the best policy. Best of luck" and off he went

I am 5'6", 8 stone 12, size 8. I am pretty athletic, not a lot of curves. On my profile I have two pictures in a swimsuit (not sexy pics, just spontaneous pictures on the beach). I think they show pretty clearly my size and body shape. My height is clearly stated on my profile as well.

Now, I know I should just shrug it off and move on. However I don't understand what he meant? Did he think I was curvier or perhaps smaller? Was it just a lame excuse? It sounded so specific though..

This type of thing had never happened to me, so I am a little paranoid now that my dating profile is deceiving and the guy felt somewhat tricked? Do you reckon he was just a dick? I feel pretty annoyed at the way he said that stuff to me. Surely that is pretty rude?!

I once went on a date with a guy I met online. When we met, my date looked me up and down, told me this would never work and walked away.
I also had honest pictures on my profile and I am reasonably attractive, slim and as far as I know nothing shockingly off putting about me at all.
I wonder there are guys out there who do this to women just because they can

Lucky escape! He was being a dick. Don't waste another second thinking about his opinion. If he was into you this wouldn't come up as an issue, even if your body shape had changed slightly. (not saying it has) Either way, he is a dick! He talked about his job the whole time too, you can do better!

You could have replied " Thank goodness for that."
Or " I was hoping for better manners".

Reasonable to not want a second date, unreasonable in his comments. Hope others don't waste any time with him, some men deserve to be single.

I am so glad that online dating hadn't been invented when I was young!! How completely shallow to be that obsessed with someone's exact body size. He probably wouldn't have been what you imagined either when you saw the size of his d*ck x

When I was younger (20+ years ago) I was incredibly self conscious of my figure thought I needed to be slimmer more toned etc. However the men I dated gave me confidence in myself they didn't scrutinise the imperfections in the way that I did and complimented me. I don't know if it is the sweet shop mentality of online dating but men these days seem to be looking for perfection. Young women also look far more like models than my generation ever did. It's really quite depressing ☹️.

Was he short? Maybe he didn’t realise how tall you are and wasn’t referring to your weight. If your figure in your bikini photo is the same as how you are now then he wasn’t catfished. Maybe he didn’t fancy you and didn’t know how to tell you.

@GreekOddess

When I was younger (20+ years ago) I was incredibly self conscious of my figure thought I needed to be slimmer more toned etc. However the men I dated gave me confidence in myself they didn't scrutinise the imperfections in the way that I did and complimented me. I don't know if it is the sweet shop mentality of online dating but men these days seem to be looking for perfection. Young women also look far more like models than my generation ever did. It's really quite depressing ☹️.

A lot of filters, FaceTune, photoshop, strategic angles, lighting and high waisted leggings/pants. I don’t believe photos I see on Instagram or videos on YouTube. I’m very slim, but I don’t look like the girls on Insta. Even they don’t look like that in real life

@PandaBearCub he was indeed shorter than I thought. He didn't have his height listed on his profile but he had a picture with his gran who must be incredibly tiny as he looked like a giant next to her. In reality he must have been 5'8" maximum, although I had the decency not to comment on that of course.

@WelcomeBackAmelia

YANBU. He sounds putrid. God help the woman who ends up with THAT.

I really feel sorry for anyone who has to date via online dating, or has to start dating again later on in life (like 40+,) because many men on these websites are just horrible, deluded, entitled pigs.

They want someone who looks like bloody Holly Willoughby, hot, pretty, cracking figure, and a good career. But someone like that would run a mile from the type of nobs you get on online dating!

[quote WelcomeBackAmelia]@PandaBearCub he was indeed shorter than I thought. He didn't have his height listed on his profile but he had a picture with his gran who must be incredibly tiny as he looked like a giant next to her. In reality he must have been 5'8" maximum, although I had the decency not to comment on that of course.[/quote]
Message and tell him that!

He chose to be a dick to you, something in him enjoyed the power he felt it game him.

A Dick, don't give him another thought.

Nicely swerved - what a horror

I agree that you’ve dodged a bullet, what an ill-mannered twat!

Honestly, don’t give it another thought. He’s not worth your time and given his poor social skills, I think he’ll be searching for his perfect partner for a good while yet.🤣

1. Don't give any more thought into "what he meant". He's a dick, and who cares what a dick thinks?

1. If you want to reply, say say something like "Haha no worries, thanks for being honest and I agree we definitely aren't a match! Hope your next date works out for you x

He said it to hurt you and make you feel paranoid and anxious.

You're a size 8, absolutely nothing wrong with your figure. He just wanted to be cruel - sadly some men are like this.

Block and move on with the knowledge he's a massive loser

Just makes me feel glad that I am an oldie, and never had to experience all this dating off the social media. This guy sounds shallow,rude, blunt and obviously not worth knowing.

Have you asked a friend to look at your dating pics and tell you if they are honestly representative of who you are?

There's clearly nothing wrong with your figure, I'd love to look like you, but maybe he really was after something else. You're assuming there's something wrong with you - he might have expected you to be less attractive in person, and didn't want to be with someone better-looking than him.

Sometimes it's just so obvious why they're trawling the dating sites, isn't it.

Imagine if you had fitted his idea of perfection. You wouldn't have realised what he was like! This is much, much better.

But horrible to hear. What a truly horrific individual.

You really had a lucky escape. What a shallow & unpleasant man. Onwards and upwards!

He’s a wanker. You sound great 😊

Way back when, I occasionally had unsolicited negative feedback about my body from random men in bars/clubs. Asked a few friends and some had experienced similar. Some men are dicks.

@RUOKHon

I find posts like this, where the OP gives their vital stats in detail, a bit pro-ana-ish.

What a stupid comment. You find someone stating that they are neither over- or under-weight, on a thread about weight, 'pro-ana' -?

Get yer head out of your bum.

I don’t think it is the case that he “didn’t fancy you” - if that was the case then he would have just been polite and said he felt there wasn’t a spark/better as friends, tbd usual polite brush offs we all know about...

You sound like you have a great figure (which he already knew from the photos) and he sounds like he has something wrong with him and needs to deliberately cut women down.

I am guessing that you came across as quite confident and are more attractive than he is?and he didn’t like it as he is a misogynistic,short arsed little twat.

As @InFiveMins explained.