He had imagined a "different figure" based on my pics

[WelcomeBackAmelia]

Hi all, just NCed as I feel slightly embarrassed by the topic. I am an active Mumsnet user though.

Yesterday I went out on an online date with a man I had been chatting with for a few days. We went for a walk and had a coffee in a bar. The date was nice, although he mostly talked about his job and didn't ask me many questions.

When the time to say goodbye came, he literally said "listen, meeting you was pleasant, but based on the pictures on your profile I had imagined a different figure and I am not really interested. Hope you don't mind me being so direct but I think honesty is the best policy. Best of luck" and off he went

I am 5'6", 8 stone 12, size 8. I am pretty athletic, not a lot of curves. On my profile I have two pictures in a swimsuit (not sexy pics, just spontaneous pictures on the beach). I think they show pretty clearly my size and body shape. My height is clearly stated on my profile as well.

Now, I know I should just shrug it off and move on. However I don't understand what he meant? Did he think I was curvier or perhaps smaller? Was it just a lame excuse? It sounded so specific though..

This type of thing had never happened to me, so I am a little paranoid now that my dating profile is deceiving and the guy felt somewhat tricked? Do you reckon he was just a dick? I feel pretty annoyed at the way he said that stuff to me. Surely that is pretty rude?!

He's definitely a dick but without seeing your pics I couldn't really say whether they're misleading. You should always include a full body shot but I wouldn't ever use swimsuit or bikini pics even sporty type ones as it attracts all the wrong types

@rollinggreenhills

I must be getting old because in my dating years, most men were just overwhelmed with delight that a real live actual woman was in close proximity and wasn't actually fending them off in disgust.

Sadly most of them have ridiculous ideas of grandeur these days

[quote WelcomeBackAmelia]@PandaBearCub he was indeed shorter than I thought. He didn't have his height listed on his profile but he had a picture with his gran who must be incredibly tiny as he looked like a giant next to her. In reality he must have been 5'8" maximum, although I had the decency not to comment on that of course.[/quote]
Hmm could he have been self-conscious about his height? Are you tall? It was probably a strategic move to post that photo with his grandma. The height difference gives the illusion that he is tall.

I’ve never understood this kind of person . He doesn’t have to fancy you , but to speak like that ... really ! There is nothing wrong your with you op , he seems like a strange man .
I’ve been told by a man on a date that I was not good enough for him.I felt depressed for months . Upon much reflection I realise he is not good enough for me .
Chin up and try to forget this fool.

Why are you giving any headspace to a rude, self-absorbed twat whom you knew for ten minutes and will never see again?

He’s not just a screaming dick, he’s a vicious fucker.

He a aid that deliberately to make you feel bad, because that’s how he gets his kicks.

Put it out of your mind, you dodged a bullet.

He just gets off on making women feel shit about themselves. There's nothing more to it.

although I had the decency not to comment on that of course.

Which is it in s nutshell
He's rude/odd at best. No decent person says something like that, you just say something vague or leave it non committal and hope they don't contact you for another date.

I dint know if he's a Megger, or ... The only theory I'd have contrary to begging is that photos, stage etc often make people look heavier. So he may have thought you were heavier/curvier and when he saw you were actually v slim & athletic; that wasn't his type and he's a gormless, clueless, manner-less idiot who said the above instead of the alternatives.

I'm athletic figure-wise and with a partner who likes athletic .. and I've had the most ridiculously Ill.mannered, thoughtless things says to me by a friend's DH ("there's not a pick on you!!") and by a member of a sports club when I was trying to drag a heavy piece of equipment through sand (" eat something!!').

Both have wives who are fuller figured.

(And both have brain to mouth filter issues).

Nasty piece of work be thankful you dodged a bullet!

Not another second wasted on this short bellend.

There is zero reason other than being nasty to go into detail about why you're not interested in another date.

As PP said, a polite neutral comment "as had a lovely time just not feeling it", is plenty.

If that's the first thing he cared about then the only response is that you imagined a different personality.

I think you swerved a bullet (or an arsehole) there.

I agree with PP's you had a lucky escape there.

What a wanker. I assume he was like George Clooney?!

No one with any manners would say that to another human being. He wasn’t direct, he was outrageously rude. I wouldn’t want to date someone like that, definitely a lucky escape.

Rude twat..his loss..don't EVER let a man (or anyone for that matter) make you doubt yourself!

Arrogant knob..makes me so f**cking mad

How incredibly rude. I would bet that he gets a kick out of being unkind. Nobody would think that it's more appropriate to comment negatively on a near stranger's appearance than to say 'lovely to meet you but I didn't really feel a spark'. There's just no need to go into detail. Everyone knows what 'no spark' means.

Your figure sounds amazing. Ignore him. You went on a date and there was no spark fair enough, but you weren't misleading in your pics so he can fuck right off (ps. At 5ft 6 myself, I can only dream of having your figure(

Coffee in a bar?

Total dick! You sound great and a lot of men would be very attracted to someone with your figure. Don't dwell on it, he's a weirdo like a lot of guys on OLD, move on!

You dodged a bullet. He’s a weirdo.
God it takes me back in time to the online creeps I met online many, many moons ago. Without doubt the shorter they were the more insecure and weirder they were.
You sound gorgeous with a lovely figure. Chalk it up as a bad experience and move on. He’s the loser and no catch at all. With his great personality and charm he’s going to be waiting a very long time to meet a suitable partner if at all.

I think he was probably looking for a very quiet, mousy and timid woman, not someone with a good figure. Some men just don't want to get involved with attractive women, because they think they are too much effort or will leave them if they don't treat them well. So he's said something that he hopes will leave you feeling insecure.

He sounds very odd and an absolute nightmare for anyone unfortunate enough to get to know him better.

Hes a dick. unless your photos have some sort of filter on an make you look completely unrecognisable then it would be acceptable.

@mindutopia

It sounds like he wasn't interested or thought you weren't interested, and probably being an entitled misogynistic twat thought he'd get in a parting shot to knock you down a few pegs because his ego felt threatened. It wouldn't matter what your body was like. It's just to make you feel small. Because he's an insecure idiot.

All of this!

What a basic twat - he demeaned himself, not you! Please don’t think about him too much. He’s very clearly lacking.