Wanking to porn in bed while your asleep

[LemoneyGin]

Woke up last night to OH wanking to porn on his phone. I've previously said to him that I would find that really uncomfortable and have asked several times if he's ever done it whilst I'm asleep next to me & he said no never. Clearly that's a lie & he's admitted it's been 'a few times', I feel really deflated about this - he's lied to my face & has no respect for me (otherwise he would have respected my wishes). How can I trust what he says? We're due to be married next year.

Eurgh.
Does he use porn often?

The porn issue aside, it's pretty grim to wank while you are right there next time him. If he wants to, he should go and have a shower or something. I've no issue with DH having a wank, but he's got to be respectful. I'm a big believer that a wank is not the same as sex and the two are not interchangeable. Sometimes you want one, sometimes you want the other.
Talk to your partner about it again, tell him how it makes you feel. Maybe try to find a solution so he can have a wank without it impacting you, ideally he can do it without you having any knowledge of it!

This is unacceptable in my book.
He knows there's a risk of you waking up next to him 'doing the deed' and he knows this would upset you.
If DP wants to have a wank, he should have the courtesy to do it in private.

That would piss me off!! I don't mind porn but not someone wanking beside me. Wouldn't even like him watching porn in front of me - that's to be done in private. He can do it in the toilet/shower/when you're not home. Absolutely no need to be doing it when in bed with you, doesn't matter if you're asleep or not.

Does he understand why you find it grim? And why can't he do it in the shower?

Some activities should be in private with no-one around. Disgusting.

The actual wanking next to me thing wouldn't bother me- but the point is he knows it bothers you and he still does it anyway. He doesn't care that what he's doing makes you uncomfortable. And that's the part that worries me. I'd be having a serious chat with him.

I don't think he's in the wrong other than he should be able to find somewhere else (or another time) to do it. Especially as it has the potential to wake you and you have asked that he doesn't.

Just out of interest does this work the other way round.....her doing it whilst he is asleep? Just curious if its a 2 way street.

Yeah that’s grim. YANBU

It's not really dream partner behaviour. No respect for himself, you or the women he's wanking over.

Let him marry some porn performer. He'll be happier and so will you.

I have had a serious chat with him & was very upset/angry last night. He's very remorseful and saying all the right things, but his words don't mean anything to me right now. And I'm not sure how to make them to again.

@TheCattleGrid

It's not really dream partner behaviour. No respect for himself, you or the women he's wanking over.

What do you mean by this?

@2bazookas

Let him marry some porn performer. He'll be happier and so will you.

Not helpful

I think I've done this in the past. The relationship was doomed.

Vile

I would be pissed off if I found my DH doing that. Porn or wanking when alone is a big no in our marriage.

Is there a room in the house where he could go of he wanted a wank? Or would you be equally upset of you knew he was wanking in the bathroom or spare room?

@LemoneyGin

I have had a serious chat with him & was very upset/angry last night. He's very remorseful and saying all the right things, but his words don't mean anything to me right now. And I'm not sure how to make them to again.

What were his grounds for his upset/anger? I mean, was he trying to justify/excuse his behaviour? Was it a bad reaction to being caught?

What is he saying now?

Does he frequently use porn?

How are things between you and DP in regards to your sex life (if you don't mind sharing)?

@Bk21

I would be pissed off if I found my DH doing that. Porn or wanking when alone is a big no in our marriage.

You don't allow each other to have a solo wank?

Wanking is fine, but not in the same room as someone else who isn't also actively involved. It's private, like having a shit or picking your nose. Doing something that wakes your partner up is bloody rude too IMO, whatever it is.

I'd be repulsed to find a horrible little wanker in my bed.
Even more so to wake up married to him.

i may be the only one but i dont see a problem with what your OH did. why is it such an issue? wanking and sex are different.

would you have preferred him to wake you up and ask for sex?

@Nunoftheother we've never considered it.

[quote Bk21]@Nunoftheother we've never considered it.[/quote]
Erm...