Wanking to porn in bed while your asleep

[LemoneyGin]

Woke up last night to OH wanking to porn on his phone. I've previously said to him that I would find that really uncomfortable and have asked several times if he's ever done it whilst I'm asleep next to me & he said no never. Clearly that's a lie & he's admitted it's been 'a few times', I feel really deflated about this - he's lied to my face & has no respect for me (otherwise he would have respected my wishes). How can I trust what he says? We're due to be married next year.

@Hellothere19999

Honestly, no offence but you all sound like right prudes. If I woke up and he was doing that I would put it in my mouth and shag him but maybe I’m weird 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe I'm weird too but I've got myself off in bed if we've finished and he's fallen asleep but I'm not 'finished' iyswim... he knows and is far from mad about it. 🤷‍♀️

From the male perspective I think watching porn while your DP is asleep next to you is disrespectful to put it mildly, and particularly so if he has been specifically asked not to do it. But having a wank is fine, as others have said there are times when a man had to do what a man has to do. If she is awake then it's polite to offer sex first but if she is asleep or not up for it then I would certainly go ahead. My DW is fine with it, in fact she encourages it as she likes to see me satisfied and she knows I will always be available when required for her.

Everyone is free to do what they are comfortable with, it's not prudish to have limits, or boundaries. It's fine to like this, and it's fine not to. Everyone is different but their expressed limitations on what theyare comfortable with should be listened to and it's not unreasonable to have them. The partner is free to leave. I'm so bloody disappointed in this thread, because the majority of posters have missed the point massively.

[quote User878856488]@sammylady37

The reason the OP has not consented is because she verbally and clearly withdrew consent to being in the presence of this sexual act. If her partner doesn't like that, he is free to leave and find someone who is fine with it. This isn't rocket science.

And all this does include her. If a man was lying in bed with his child would you say that he is free to watch porn and masturbate as it doesn't include the child? Or would you say it was crossing a line that most people would recognise as being wrong? You can say I'm being ridiculous or exaggerating (which I am) but it does make it clear that this does include whoever he is in bed with.[/quote]
Well, plenty parents have sex while there’s a sleeping baby or child in the room, it’s brought up in threads on here frequently enough. Is that ok? Or is that not ok, as your second paragraph seems to indicate?

@sammylady37

If the child is old enough to be aware of them having sex and what that means, then they shouldn't have to be in the same room as their parents, and this can be considered child abuse. If they are an infant it's not applicable. Stop being ridiculous, I won't go down this path any more with you.

I can't believe people who think their partner doesn't wank at all actually exist.

@Nymeriastark1

I can't believe people who think their partner doesn't wank at all actually exist.

What makes you think they do? Nobody on the thread has said this, have they?

@Eckhart yes they have.

I'd say it's pretty selfish of your partner to fall asleep if you're not 'finished', @borntohula

@Hugstoall

I'd say it's pretty selfish of your partner to fall asleep if you're not 'finished', *@borntohula*

I'd agree with you if he didn't always get me there before it's his turn. I just have a really high sex drive, some times of the month more than others.

[quote User878856488]@sammylady37

If the child is old enough to be aware of them having sex and what that means, then they shouldn't have to be in the same room as their parents, and this can be considered child abuse. If they are an infant it's not applicable. Stop being ridiculous, I won't go down this path any more with you.[/quote]
I’m not being ridiculous, I’m trying to flesh out some of the rather hysterical infections some people have raised on the thread.

But if you don’t wish to discuss it any further with me, fine 🤷‍♀️ no skin off my nose!

• hysterical objections not infections!

Total over reaction OP. You cried! Seriously? He fancied a wank. So what? We all do it. You sound really uptight and prudish. I would have joined in!

I can't belive people are accusing the OP of being a prude. What a sexist and dangerous way to view women who want their boundaries to be respected. OP please don't think that cool girls on the internet have any say in what you are or aren't comfortable with being exposed to in your home, nobody should have porn forced on them.

That's so grim and disrespectful.

He'd be straight out the door

End the engagement. Things will not get better, they will only get worse.

I think a lot of people are missing the point.

It’s not about whether what he did is ok, it’s that it’s not OK for OP, she’s communicated that to him and he’s done it anyway and then lied.

OP also explained it’s not the wank that’s the issue, it’s watching porn next to her.

If DH did that to me, I wouldn’t mind. We are open with each other sexually and in fact I would probably help him finish. But if it was something I’m uncomfortable with, and he knows it, then it’s really disrespectful.

A similar analogy is farting. I think it’s rude and disrespectful to fart in front of others, even at home. That’s how I was raised. When we first moved in DH would fart in from of me and I hated it. I found it really off putting and unattractive. It took him a while but when I explained that I don’t like and I find it disrespectful, he stopped. I hear him fart when he’s in another room and that’s fine - as long as it’s not in front of me.

That’s not controlling behaviour. It’s having boundaries in a relationship which both individuals sign up to, and respect. For OP he crossed a line in their relationship. Just because it’s not a line in my relationship or for others, doesn’t mean we can downplay OP’s hurt.

@Nannewnannew

Jesus, my husband gets the side eye if he rustles his bag of crisps!!!!!😂😂😂😂

Hahaha that one made me chuckle too 🤣

Annoying that’s he lied!

For me I’d say if you’re horny and I’m asleep next to you why don’t you wake me up with something worth waking up to 😉 that’s just me though.

Maybe there should be a dating site that matches all these (to me) disrespectful blokes up with the ‘up for anything’ cool internet gals and the guys that aren’t that bothered with the women who aren’t that bothered either — but do like a great companion, occasional sex, nice meals etc. If people were more honest in the first place and not trying to impress and be something they aren’t- I think there would be less dissatisfaction further down the line.

@yetmorecrap

Don’t quite understand why you need to patronising by referring to women who are open sexually with their partners as “ the ‘up for anything’ cool internet gals”. Why shame such women? What is wrong with women who choose to be open sexually with their partners? Why does that offend you so much?

Yes people should be in relationships with people who match their sex drives and needs, but no need for you and others to patronising about it. I don’t claim to be “cool” or anything like that. That is the just the nature of my relationship with husband. No need to give it a label.

What @NotPrude said

Also, @yetmorecrap I don’t think you’ve exactly hit on a new idea there: that people should be with others who are sexually matched/compatible. I wouldn’t go on Dragon’s Den with that particular brainwave.

@MissSunnyDays what’s your point?