Wanking to porn in bed while your asleep

[LemoneyGin]

Woke up last night to OH wanking to porn on his phone. I've previously said to him that I would find that really uncomfortable and have asked several times if he's ever done it whilst I'm asleep next to me & he said no never. Clearly that's a lie & he's admitted it's been 'a few times', I feel really deflated about this - he's lied to my face & has no respect for me (otherwise he would have respected my wishes). How can I trust what he says? We're due to be married next year.

@Bk21 May I asked how old you are?

This post isn't about me and my marriage. I left a comment for OP and that was it.

No thanks. Wanking by it's definition is a private pastime. Am sure I wouldn't be ok with anyone having a walk in the same room as me. I think its pathetic behaviour and there is no way I would do this while someone else was sleeping in a bed with me. Would it be ok if he was sharing a bed with anyone else? No of course it wouldn't so therefore it's not ok to do it with your partner next to you especially when they are asleep in their own bed.

I don't do it myself for personal reasons and my DP says he doesn't but probably does as he's not Christian like me, but I don't expect him not to at all. Never ever been an issue in our relationship. If he wanted to he could. But not next to me watching porn while I sleep, I would definitely ask him not to do that

Am I honestly reading on here that so many MNers really think masturbation is “vile” “gross” “private” “should be done in the shower” “like having a shit” etc?! WTAF?! This is utterly depressing. Masturbation itself isn’t dirty, wrong, vile, sinful etc.

Granted, if the OP for whatever reason doesn’t like her DP having a wank whilst she’s asleep then he should respect that. Personally, wouldn’t bother me in slightest tho; me and DP both enjoy a wank whenever we want one, whether the other one is there/sleeping/joining in or not. Sometimes I’ll have a wank whilst we’re watching a film, or he’ll have a wank whilst I’m reading the paper next to him in bed. We enjoy the closeness of knowing we can be ourselves sexually, and not judged etc.

There's plenty of room in the house for him to go elsewhere. I'm not thrilled at the thought of porn at all, but have resigned myself to the fact that it's what men will do and you have to just put up with it. But I explicitly asked him not to do it while I was in bed asleep next to him and asked if he'd ever done that. It's the fact that he's lied to my face and has continued to do something that I've asked him not to do that I'm struggling to deal with. I don't trust what he says and don't even want to be around him right now.

This doesn't sit right with me and me and DH maturbate together sometimes (without porn) I'm fine with him masturbating but watching porn and knocking one out at the side of me just seems a little sleazy and disresctful.

@Amotherlife

I don't think he's in the wrong other than he should be able to find somewhere else (or another time) to do it. Especially as it has the potential to wake you and you have asked that he doesn't.

What the hell ! Are you serious 😂 you need your head red you do !

I can't imagine getting upset about my partner having a wank while I was asleep next to him in bed, or vice versa. I wouldn't be keen on him watching porn while doing it, mind.

@LemoneyGin

There's plenty of room in the house for him to go elsewhere. I'm not thrilled at the thought of porn at all, but have resigned myself to the fact that it's what men will do and you have to just put up with it. But I explicitly asked him not to do it while I was in bed asleep next to him and asked if he'd ever done that. It's the fact that he's lied to my face and has continued to do something that I've asked him not to do that I'm struggling to deal with. I don't trust what he says and don't even want to be around him right now.

Op please don't let him off because John think it's just what men do !!!! I hate this with a passion and read so many people say the same. It's just what men do ! No it's bloody not they only do it cause we allow it !!' Its disgusting and degreading. He's walking off to other naked women sorting them selves out ! I would throw away my whole relationship ship over this

I can’t understand why your DH would want to wank over his phone when he has an actual live woman, that he loves and fancies, lying next to him? What’s wrong with the chap!

He knows it’ll upset you. You’re asked him before and now know he lied to you. You don’t trust his apology. You know he’ll do it again.

What do you want to do OP? Would you postpone the wedding while you work out what his behaviour means for the relationship?

Not all men watch porn. You don’t have to put up with it if you don’t want to. And you don’t have to stay with someone who’s so disrespectful he does something you’ve specifically told him you find upsetting. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

What other people do or don’t do in their relationships doesn’t matter. How you feel does.

Don't "resign yourself" to this is what men will do

Not if it's not ok with you !

@MuckyPlucky

Am I honestly reading on here that so many MNers really think masturbation is “vile” “gross” “private” “should be done in the shower” “like having a shit” etc?! WTAF?! This is utterly depressing. Masturbation itself isn’t dirty, wrong, vile, sinful etc.

Granted, if the OP for whatever reason doesn’t like her DP having a wank whilst she’s asleep then he should respect that. Personally, wouldn’t bother me in slightest tho; me and DP both enjoy a wank whenever we want one, whether the other one is there/sleeping/joining in or not. Sometimes I’ll have a wank whilst we’re watching a film, or he’ll have a wank whilst I’m reading the paper next to him in bed. We enjoy the closeness of knowing we can be ourselves sexually, and not judged etc.

But is your partner watching porn in front of you whilst he's doing it?

@AnneLovesGilbert

He knows it’ll upset you. You’re asked him before and now know he lied to you. You don’t trust his apology. You know he’ll do it again.

What do you want to do OP? Would you postpone the wedding while you work out what his behaviour means for the relationship?

Not all men watch porn. You don’t have to put up with it if you don’t want to. And you don’t have to stay with someone who’s so disrespectful he does something you’ve specifically told him you find upsetting. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

What other people do or don’t do in their relationships doesn’t matter. How you feel does.

I feel like if any guy says they don't watch porn they're either lying or they have no sex drive

Of course if you’re uncomfortable he shouldn’t do it. End of discussion.

Personally I wouldn’t mind, my partner often does while I’m asleep as he doesn’t want to wake me up to sort the ‘issue’ out so to speak. I’ve never really minded but it’s all personal preference.
If I’m asleep and none the wiser I don’t see the harm.
He needs to respect your wishes though, and if he can’t he needs to sleep somewhere else.

Why do you think that?

@Babdoc because sex and masturbation are sometimes separate pleasures and not always related. Sometimes I want sex with my brilliant sexy partner, other times I want sex with myself. Simple as. He feels the same, and we’re both totally free and easy with the other having a wank if they want one. The only time it’s been a slight issue has been when there has been some sort of issue between us in the “us” sex department, and then the wanking has felt a bit like a betrayal. But when the sex is good and plentiful (as it usually is) then neither of us minds the other having an additional wank.

At the same token though you can’t expect him to not watch porn or not to wank, that’s an unreasonable request really. Men don’t see it as sexual as you think, for a lot of men then needs to get one out so they can sleep etc. He should still be able to wank, just not next to you as you don’t like it.

She hasn’t said she objects to him wanking. She objects, perfectly reasonably, to him doing it next to her, over porn on his phone, lying about it and waking her up.

@LemoneyGin yeah sometimes he or I use porn whilst walking, sometimes not.

The issue here isn’t the use of porn or the wanking per se, it’s the fact that it’s something he’s persisting in doing that you’ve asked him not to do, so it’s more of a respect issue I guess.

I feel like if any guy says they don't watch porn they're either lying or they have no sex drive

This is insulting to men actually

I don't have a problem with porn (indeed wanking), but I'd be livid if it was next to me while I was sleeping. I'd rather he woke me up and involved me or just took himself off to the bathroom.

It's just bloody lazy.

@Bk21

I would be pissed off if I found my DH doing that. Porn or wanking when alone is a big no in our marriage.

Say what? You have a rule that you're not allowed to wank alone?

How bizarre...

@Bk21

I would be pissed off if I found my DH doing that. Porn or wanking when alone is a big no in our marriage.

Nobody is allowed to masturbate in your relationship?