Life after Divorce

[Tulip55]

Just looking for some reassuring stories from women after divorce. I will likely be moving into my own place next month with the kids, and have never lived without a partner before. I go from being excited and feeling like I am very capable...to then being so terrified and worried I won't cope. I lay awake at night worrying about it.

@IjustbelieveinMe Honestly as hard as that is I would expect nothing from them. Will you be moving back to the UK or trying to build a life in Australia? If you're thinking of staying I'd base my decision on them being out of your life now.

We have DC and it's still been made very clear to me that the friendly relationship I had with them, especially MIL is done. And we haven't even separated yet, they just know we're having big problems.

[quote HereIAmOnceAgain]@IjustbelieveinMe Honestly as hard as that is I would expect nothing from them. Will you be moving back to the UK or trying to build a life in Australia? If you're thinking of staying I'd base my decision on them being out of your life now.

We have DC and it's still been made very clear to me that the friendly relationship I had with them, especially MIL is done. And we haven't even separated yet, they just know we're having big problems.[/quote]
I am staying in Australia, due to COVID I don't know if I could move back to the UK right now even if I wanted to. Thank you for telling me this though, it feels pretty brutal but I know you are right. His family haven't actually spoken to me about our break up, so I guess they only hear his side of the story. I am sorry your relationship with your MIL has also gone. I hope you get through your separation ok too x

Hi there. My husband walked out of me and my 6 month old baby boy and it knocked me for 6.

20 months later and I can tell you confidentially that the strength you will gain, and the pride you will have towards yourself will be amazing. Not only that, but what a role model you will be for your children.

You've totally got this.

I'd like to pop in here if I may.. I've hit the wall really and know I need to find a way out for me and the children. H knows it but is pretending it's all Ok, it's not, never will be. I hate even sharing a bed with him! Reading all this is giving me strength, I'm so scared of being alone - no family to support me at all, but I just can't do this anymore.

Guys, it's moving day. It's not going well. He's the one moving out. We asked the MiL to look after the kids, I told him I didn't want to face his family this morning so to send the kids up to me see to say goodbye as they're spending this first night with him, and he forgot and off they went. I then let go of 6 months of emotions and tension and had a huge screaming fit.

What was going to be a collaborative splitting of the house is now me in my room and him packing whatever the f**k he wants as I just want him gone now.
😭

This is shit. This will get better.

@Febo24 it will. Sorry its so tough today. Whatever he takes can be replaced and will be yours alone.

Put some headphones on a listen to some music? Nothing wrong with a good cry either.

@Febo24 bless you, it will pass and anything he takes can be replaced. Ignore him bashing around and he'll be gone before you know it!

Hi there everyone. I am 5 years on. I understand completely how hard it is. I went to pieces at being apart from my kids, and felt my life had been ripped out at the roots learning to live without him.

But you know what, you come out the other side, and life is better in so many, many ways! You appreciate and enjoy all your time with your kids. You appreciate and enjoy your own time. You have the time and space to meet someone else. You have your own space with no arguments and no criticism. It's hard to get through, but is so wonderful to come out the other side.

It does take a while. It took me over 3 years to finally be fully happy but the journey there has ups and downs and there's plenty of happy times mixed in with the sadness.

Time heals.

Thanks guys. I probably need to re-read the thread to feel better today. My STBXH has been massively let off the hook and I've been very easy going up to today but sending my kids away and 'forgetting' to let us say goodbye speaks volumes and tore me up.

I'm now just lying in bed listening to them move everything out and watching Married at First Sight Australia.

Struggling today also :( moved into our rented house two weeks ago and we've got awful damp problems, woken up today to more patches behind my sofa. Loads of other smaller issues with the house aswell. The kids are full of anger and I can't seem to parent them gently when I feel so sad and stressed myself. They've been out of school now for six weeks so I've tried today to get my eldest to do some easy maths/English just to engage her brain and she threw the biggest fit and is saying she can't do it. (she's 7 and it's easy 600 + 100). I feel like I've completely ruined her concentration levels and made a massive impact on her by taking her out of school for so long. My youngest won't even go to the bathroom on his own and bed time is Awful, because his separation anxiety has gone through the roof. Life just feels hard at the moment :(. I wanted to get away from STBXH so our house wasn't so hostile and now I feel like I'm the shouty parent!

@havecourage8bekind I'm sorry you're struggling. I was contemplating whether it's best to move and have that fresh start, or stay and have to recalibrate the house you shared (me). I can see neither are great though! It's just a shit situation whatever way you cut it.

Re your kids, can you throw some of those expectations out of the window for a bit while everyone adjusts? I fully expect to have a bedfull of kids for sometime while they adjust! As for schooling, perhaps get her to watch some BBC Bitesize? Again though, is it worth falling out over? That's up to you obviously but I guess my point is, you may need to pick your battles for a while x

Sounds like a hard time havecourage. I have a few recommendations I could make for you for maths apps my kids used and loved at that age if you think it would be useful? Be kind to yourself and remember you are human and just doing the best that you can.

Feb024 moving day sounds like it was really tough. Hope things are better tomorrow.

After a 10 yr relationship I left, due to circumstances - being in university as a single parent I had to live with my parents for a year. I had all the same fears as yourself when moving into own place with my 4 yr old DD but weve been here one year now and I cant tell you how much I love it!

Enjoy your free time! You have the best of both worlds - being a parent and then being you and doing 'you' in your free time! You can laze around, do DIY, go wherever whenever with nobody asking where you are! It is absolute freedom!

I don't know if anybody else is the same but I enjoy my own personal space that much that i dont want anyone to intrude (although COVID is also a factor here), your 'you' time will become so precious that you wont even remember how you managed beforehand as a full on 2 parent family.

Enjoy and embrace it, you will feel at peace and be able to relax again soon :)

Hi everyone, can I join in too? DH of 6yrs (together 10+) has finally agreed to start looking for somewhere else to live. There has been some EA, worse since our DC was born last year & I just couldn't handle the arguements any more. I am sad that it's ending after investing so much in the relationship but acknowledge that it's unhealthy and making me unhappy so we need to split up. I'm just so sad for my little boy. Scared of being a single mum (no family or close friends nearby, I moved here for him) and of the financial implications but trying to keep strong and have faith that by this time next year I may be in a happier place?! All your stories are giving me courage, and feel less alone knowing there are others going through the same thing... and in the middle of a bloody pandemic!

Can I please join? Discovered H of 25 yrs has had 2 year affair and he's gone. Teen DC are devastated.
Had a go at fixing some things yesterday, a lovely man on YouTube helped me. It felt good to be able to do some of the things that H used to be in charge of.
Small steps.

I love the doers on YouTube. Check out the ones for clearing blocked drains 💕

@andalone I use the tube for everything 😂 I took apart a tumble dryer once and changed the belt. I've tiled the kitchen and plumbed in a dishwasher. It's actually quite empowering!

Gosh, I feel like I've been wussing out a bit, and I am quite handy and big fan of YouTube tutorials. I might take on some projects I've been afraid of if you guys can

I was generally the handy one in our relationship, but the thing I'm dreading is purchasing big items like a car. He is savvy and does a shit ton of research etc. But there's no reason he can't not help me in the future.

Anyways, I've woken up feeling a lot better. Given the kitchen a big clean and am working through the house before the kids come home.

Please may I join? "D"H left on Boxing Day after five years of what I realised was at least uncontrollable anger but more likely emotional abuse. The house is so much more peaceful without him here but I am really struggling without DD (age 5) on the nights she's with him. She's been away for one night a couple of nights ago, and is away again tonight; at the moment I am throwing myself into work and cleaning to make the time pass, but I do feel a sort of underlying sense of constantly wishing the time away until she comes back. Can anyone advise? Will this get easier? Is there anything I can do to help myself deal with missing her?

I know this probably makes me an awful mother, but one thing I'm looking forward to is having some time away from my dc. I love them to bits, but I need my space. My dc already go to my parents for 2-3 nights without me (well they did before the pandemic) a few times a year (they live a distance away). So I think I'm used to it.

I would use the time to do stuff you can't do when she's there. It's OK to miss her and acknowledge that and then use that time for you.

Hi everyone, I told my DH I want a divorce today. I did it via letter but gave it to him in person. I wanted him to hear me otherwise it would have ended in a row. He's left. I feel a mixture of relief, sadness and anxiety. We have been together 12 years, married 8y and have 2 young DC. It's been a long time coming on my part but he said he's really shocked?!

I'm scared for the future. In particularly about affording a house on my own as I earn a pitiful amount and will struggle to get any sort of mortgage. But I'm trying not to predict the future.

We're in it together ladies!

Hoping i can join you all. What a fantastically inspiring and honest thread already.

I had a ''penny drop'' moment two and a half months ago. I had been with my partner for 6 years, married for 1. We have a DS of 4.

The incident that caused me to ''wake up'' was after he got embarrassingly drunk at a kids birthday party, left me to walk our son home alone in the dark while he stayed and drank more. When he got home i was in bed, he insulted me then smashed up our home (light fittings, furniture, patio doors, broken bottles), which woke our little boy. After i'd put him back to sleep he proceeded to self harm at the bottom of our stairs.

I then spoke with a counsellor who suggested i contact Women's Aid (what an organisation!) She was good enough to point out i was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship but it had been drip fed so much over time i hadn't realised.

The story is long and pretty horrific but the upshot is my son and i are now living in our own place and i feel free'er and more myself than i have done in years, it's nice to hear stories from others who have made the leap.

I identify with everybody who's mentioned DIY and technology! Please pass on these youtube links!

@MotherForker not at all, I completely understand. 7 days a week is a real grind, I like to think that it'll be quality over quantity.

@Febo24 my friend said that gets easier. Her ex has a girlfriend now, but she's seeing that as a positive, he's being a better dad with a girlfriend around to impress. I'm dreading things like buying a car too. 'D'H has done most of the DIY over the years, I can do most of what he can, but I've always left it to DH as he does very l ittle round home. It takes me longer and not as neat and sometimes I need to find a video on YouTube to tell me how. I've been taking on more of it and feeling a lot more confident about that now.

@Thisorthatwhoknows if you're officially separated now you might qualify for UC. I've seen a website mentioned on here called entitled to where you can see if you qualify for UC or other benefits on your single income.