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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Shaking from DP squaring up to me

537 replies

Panicking40609 · 14/12/2020 22:58

Posting in aibu for traffic, I’m sorry

I’m shaking. Argument with DP just happened, I was being passive aggressive cleaning up because he’s passing out, can’t even sit up straight because he’s drunk again. He started drinking wine at 8am this morning. We’re in the process of him moving in with me so during said argument he was packing things to leave.

He just snapped and squared up to me, I told him not to and asked him not to make the argument worse by bringing violence into it. (He has admitted hitting ex in the past). I genuinely thought he was going to hit me, I was mentally preparing for it. In the end I pushed him away and he just picked up his stuff and left.

I’ve locked the door but I’m shaking. I was so scared he would hurt my pets.

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 14/12/2020 23:36

I hope he didn't drive when he left you!

BlueThistles · 14/12/2020 23:36

this is a blessing in disguise OP ... thank goodness it happened now and you got shot of him immediately ... credit to you for the courage this must have taken, whilst you were also fearful and anxious... you are incredibly strong for coping so well .. well done 🌺

PickAChew · 14/12/2020 23:37

I can predict that not being able to move in with you might create some drama for him. NOT YOUR PROBLEM, OK? In the cold light of day, remember what a twat he is.

gnomeisland · 14/12/2020 23:38

Holey Fuck OP!
Are your pets okay????

june2007 · 14/12/2020 23:38

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GabsAlot · 14/12/2020 23:39

since 8 this morning wow

close call op

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 23:40

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GarytheRedNosedUnicorn · 14/12/2020 23:40

@Panicking40609

Thank god I got my spare key back I’d given him (he threw it). He’s already texting his apologies. I love him but I know I have to be strong for this. It’s every cautionary tale ever isn’t it? The apologies and promises to never let it happen again. I know how this will go If I forgive him. I’m heartbroken
Please do not let him in.block his number. You are worth so much more than the way he has treated you. End it now, it will so much easier to do that now than 6 months down the line when he has injured you. YOU ARE WORTH MORE.
minou123 · 14/12/2020 23:41

@Panicking40609

The apologies and begging are already in full swing. I’m not letting myself cry. I’m blocking out all of the upset so that I can focus on the angry. I’ve told a friend what he did so that someone is able to hold me accountable if i get wobbly on being strong
I'm pleased younhave already told someone.
HollowTalk · 14/12/2020 23:42

Why haven't you sent him a strong message and blocked him? If you can't find it in yourself to do that, give your friend your phone.

All too often women cave in after pleading, begging, tears, threats of suicide... There is a script, you know.

Original poster
Panicking40609 · 14/12/2020 23:42

This is textbook isn’t it? Its really hard comprehending in my head that the man I love is the one saying all this

Shaking from DP squaring up to me
OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 14/12/2020 23:43

OP, you know it wold be wise to delete his number, block his calls and remove him from any social media you use? That way, you won’t be tempted to listen to his apologies, empty promises and entreaties.

Don’t be broken hearted, be angry at his disrespect for you, and his appalling treatment of you. You don’t need anyone like this in your life!

needabus · 14/12/2020 23:44

Is this really common assault ?
I ask because a couple of years ago I had a huge argument with dm over her emotional and physical abuse to me as a child-she was laughing at me and I really shouted in her face to get away from me she called another relative claiming I had ‘ squared up’ to her and told me she was going to have me arrested at the time I thought how ridiculous I’ve shouted at her to get away from me and she was saying it was a crime but is it actually ?

VestaTilley · 14/12/2020 23:44

Do not allow him to move in with you. He’s shown you he’s violent.

He’s also clearly an alcoholic if he started drinking at 8am (WTF?!)

Do not let him sweet talk his way back in when he sobers up. He’s not sorry. He is violent.

Don’t let him move in. Break up with him. Inform the police if you need to. Call Refuge on their helpline for advice.

needabus · 14/12/2020 23:44

Sorry to hi jack the thread I don’t mean to I just was surprised when I saw someone had said it is common assault

Merryoldgoat · 14/12/2020 23:45

Just block him.

You already know what he’s like. Save yourself years of misery now.

Original poster
Panicking40609 · 14/12/2020 23:45

Missed one of my names... oh well. I NC’d so it’s fineBlush

OP posts:
TragedyHands · 14/12/2020 23:46

I'd reply, "Yes you were a mistake, goodbye".

EthelMerman · 14/12/2020 23:47

Please, don’t let him move in. His drinking should be a huge red flag, starting on wine at 8am isn’t normal.

You cannot save him from himself. If he is serious about you and the relationship he can prove it by going to AA.

And the threat of violence should be another warning. You deserve more. However much you love him, unless he shows you he can get help and maintain it, the broken promises and apologies will continue.

You truly are worth more. Flowers

Mamanyt · 14/12/2020 23:47

"The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." You know this. I'm glad you have the key back and are steeling yourself to stand strong on this.

I was in an abusive relationship for far too many years. This is your best chance to end it with the least hurt. Before it really properly starts. My best advice is what you already know...be strong, move on. I will add one thing. When you find another potential love interest, SHOULD something like this happen, it is time to seek professional advice for yourself. Once is not being properly aware. Twice is a pattern.

PM me if you need/want to.

Boymumzy · 14/12/2020 23:48

Pack the rest of his shit, put it outside, call the police, contact local womens aid groups in the morning- they can offer help like window locks, lock changes, security, panic buttons etc. Your life will be better without him.

Noidontwantmootard · 14/12/2020 23:48

Oh sweet Jesus do NOT love his pratt. Completely ignore him in every way possible otherwise he will weave his poisoned ways back into your bed and fuck you up.

minou123 · 14/12/2020 23:49

@Panicking40609

This is textbook isn’t it? Its really hard comprehending in my head that the man I love is the one saying all this
Yep, yes it is textbook.

And can I say, not even original Hmm.

He is not sorry at all.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 23:49

If he's serious about getting help then he'll go away and work on himself and only ask you for a second chance once he's done that hard work.

Tell him that if you tell him anything but then DON'T TAKE HIM BACK, ever.

Just might give some breathing space for now - he won't do it anyway and even if he did you shouldn't take him back!

Original poster
Panicking40609 · 14/12/2020 23:49

Sorry everyone. I’ve completely forgot to say thank you so much for all the kind and helpful advice. I really appreciate it

OP posts: