Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Shaking from DP squaring up to me

537 replies

Panicking40609 · 14/12/2020 22:58

Posting in aibu for traffic, I’m sorry

I’m shaking. Argument with DP just happened, I was being passive aggressive cleaning up because he’s passing out, can’t even sit up straight because he’s drunk again. He started drinking wine at 8am this morning. We’re in the process of him moving in with me so during said argument he was packing things to leave.

He just snapped and squared up to me, I told him not to and asked him not to make the argument worse by bringing violence into it. (He has admitted hitting ex in the past). I genuinely thought he was going to hit me, I was mentally preparing for it. In the end I pushed him away and he just picked up his stuff and left.

I’ve locked the door but I’m shaking. I was so scared he would hurt my pets.

OP posts:
Survivingchipandkippee · 15/12/2020 00:52

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4099107-i-m-leaving-my-husband-today-can-i-have-a-handhold?msgid=102378641

If it doubt about taking him back take a test through this thread.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/12/2020 00:54

We're in the process of him moving in with me.

Please tell me I've hallucinated that sentence. Please do not let this man move into your home. It may not seem like it, but Its kind of a blessing in disguise that it's happened.

It was obviously going to happen sooner or later. It's better now than in 10 years down the line while your kids sit sobbing on the stairs while this beast beats the crap out of you. Please get rid, Op

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/12/2020 00:55

He's already admitted to hitting his ex why would he treat you any better.

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2020 01:08

"We’re in the process of him moving in with me so during said argument he was packing things to leave."

Do not move in together and do not stay together. GET OUT NOW.

Drinking at 8.00 a.m. wine all day on a moving day, RED FLAG, hitting ex, squaring up to you, RED FLAGS all over the place.

My friend married an alcoholic, he said he would change, she can't get him to move out and he won't change, all very sad.

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2020 01:10

And if you want to day dream a little about what might have been, then I think you should consider you are lucky to have found out when he was moving in. Not after. Or after you got pregnant and worried he may hurt the baby you were carrying, or after you had kids and then you had to not just worry about pets but kids too.

I feel so sad for my friend with an alcoholic husband, she looked stunning on her wedding day, she is a lovely person and he is grinding her down.

Life is short. Live it well. YOU ARE WORTH MORE.

XXXXX Thanks

DianaT1969 · 15/12/2020 01:16

If he hadn't squared up to you, would you still be in the process of moving him in to live with you? Planning a baby with him maybe?
Because he's a catch, yes?
Is a man who drinks from 8am and who beat his previous girlfriend good in bed? I'm sure that I'd love him too.
I'm being sarcastic OP because you are still saying "but I love him". Those words aren't fairy dust. He isn't going to change from a pile of shit into milk chocolate if you say the words often enough. He's still shit.

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2020 01:20

"If he hadn't squared up to you, would you still be in the process of moving him in to live with you?" OP think about this. If he had not let his guard down would you still be moving in? I hope you realise this is a lucky escape.

He didn't just square up to you., OP, he drank all day and threw your key at you. he's just not nice.

He hit an ex, did you think he had changed, or do you think you are not worth more. i think you are worth more. Thanks

Crustmasiscoming · 15/12/2020 01:24

You don't need to see him just because you have his puppy. You need to block his number whilst you process all of this. You can't think when he's sending you messages like that.

AdoraBell · 15/12/2020 01:32

Can you get a friend to hand over the dog? I know a puppy/dog wouldn’t deserve to be with him, but if it is his dog he will use that to control you.

So, hand the puppy over but not on your own, at least a friend with you or preferably a friend outside. Do not let this man into your house for any reason. Hand the puppy to a friend/relative, close the door, lock it and stay away from the window. If he gets aggressive call the police.

Gardeniaofdelights · 15/12/2020 01:40

This is so horrible for you OP but at least this happened before he moved in - it would be a lot harder to kick him out and move on if he already lived with you. In some ways this is a blessing Flowers

overnightangel · 15/12/2020 01:59

Drinking wine at 8am? Wtf? Has he just come off a night shift ?

Why would anyone chose to be with someone who hits women tho? Mind boggling

Groovinpeanut · 15/12/2020 02:03

Dear Lord OP what on Earth are you thinking?
He hit his ex?
He squared up to you?
He's been drinking since 8am?
You're scared he'll hurt your pets?

Surely you don't want him moving in? Do you?

justilou1 · 15/12/2020 03:05

Omg! Thank GOD this happened now - BEFORE he moved in! Thank god it wasn’t a lot worse. Is it Claire’s Law that allows you to search and see if he’s been charged with previous violence? (I’m not from the UK, but if we had something similar, I’d be encouraging my kids to search every partner prior to moving in.)

StartupRepair · 15/12/2020 03:26

Stay strong OP. There is nothing this man can do to improve your life except disappear from it.

RettyPriddle · 15/12/2020 03:50

All the advice on here is correct. Also, he is probably panicking about where he can stay. Don’t fall for his abusive, manipulative attempts to hoodwink you. There are nice men out there. You deserve a good one.

LunaMuffinTop · 15/12/2020 03:54

I hope your ok OP please please stay strong and don’t let the prick worm his way back in if he can square up to you then he will have no problem with hitting you. You know he’s already hit one poor woman don’t let yourself be his next punching bag you deserve better than that dick head.

echt · 15/12/2020 04:40

He hit his ex? He will hit you.

He's not actually moved in? Dodged a bullet there.

Looking at the texts: That is not me. Denialist BS. Who did it then? I wanted an argument. Binnable offence. He's saying he wanted to provoke you. A mistake. Oops Hmm

He's done you a favour here, writing out all the reasons he should be kicked to the kerb.

mathanxiety · 15/12/2020 04:43

His texts of Mon 14-Dec-20 23:42:42 - ROFL.

Yes, this is textbook. He is a walking (stumbling) cliche.

Don't be sad about this. It's the first day of the rest of your life (can you bear another cliche?)

Tell him the puppy will be handed over to X shelter if he fails to show up to collect him at the appointed time and place. When the time comes to hand over the puppy, do it in some public place accompanied by a friend or family member, NOT at your house and not alone. Take the pup on his lead and hand him over.

Once that is done, tell ex by text or email never to contact you again. Then block him and never contact him again.

You have had a narrow escape. Don't blow it.

And in future steer clear of men who have already hit one woman. They do not change. Don't fall for their blather about how special you are, how much they need you, how different you are from the other women...

mathanxiety · 15/12/2020 04:46

Should read:
Block him for a day or two until you have told friends and gathered support. Then have a friend contact him to state a time and place to hand over the puppy. Don't contact him yourself. The friend needs to stick to a script and not get drawn into any conversation with him.
(Tell him the puppy will be handed over to X shelter if he fails to show up to collect him at the appointed time and place. When the time comes to hand over the puppy, do it in some public place accompanied by a friend or family member, NOT at your house and not alone. Take the pup on his lead and hand him over.)

Arthersleep · 15/12/2020 05:13

I don't doubt that he is a nice man deep down (you wouldn't have been with him if he wasn't). And if he was sober, he probably wouldn't have acted like that. But he's not sober. He's an alcoholic. He started drinking at 8am. It's so easy for him to say that he will change and I'm sure that he wants to, but that's not enough is it? Otherwise there would be no alcoholics around. It's a serious lifelong addiction. Even periods of sobriety are often followed by relapses. All this could really grind you down, even if he doesn't lay a finger on you. The drinking, money problems, constant drain on your life. This is not a future that I would want. Get out now whilst you have the chance. It doesn't matter if you love him, if he loves you, if you have enjoyable times together, if he wants to change. What's the point of being in love if you are miserable, and you almost certainly will be. You've had a lucky escape. Stay strong.

mathanxiety · 15/12/2020 05:24

He is not a nice man deep down. He hit a former partner.

AlwaysCheddar · 15/12/2020 06:28

Don’t be his next victim. Get him out of your life. He clearly won’t change as he’s done it before. Don’t fall for his sob stories. All llies.

MadameMiggeldy · 15/12/2020 06:38

He’s far from a ‘nice man’ . An aggressive drunk with a history of violence to women

andweallsingalong · 15/12/2020 06:47

I wouldn't 1go out of my way to give a vulnerable puppy to a violent drunk. I'd bloke him on everything and keep the pup safe unless he took legal steps to get it back (which he may never do)

Positivevibesonlyplease · 15/12/2020 06:57

This man is a useless, violent, aggressive loser. He drinks at 8am. Why isn’t he working or looking for work at 8am? I would block all contact with him. If you allow him back into your life and, god forbid, have children with him, you will regret it for the rest of your life. He will RUIN your life. Please don’t allow him back in.

Swipe left for the next trending thread