Shaking from DP squaring up to me

[Panicking40609]

Posting in aibu for traffic, I’m sorry

I’m shaking. Argument with DP just happened, I was being passive aggressive cleaning up because he’s passing out, can’t even sit up straight because he’s drunk again. He started drinking wine at 8am this morning. We’re in the process of him moving in with me so during said argument he was packing things to leave.

He just snapped and squared up to me, I told him not to and asked him not to make the argument worse by bringing violence into it. (He has admitted hitting ex in the past). I genuinely thought he was going to hit me, I was mentally preparing for it. In the end I pushed him away and he just picked up his stuff and left.

I’ve locked the door but I’m shaking. I was so scared he would hurt my pets.

I'm sure most of us who have found themself in a volatile relationship has made similar mistakes.
I did.
He threw a shoe at me the first time I was 19 I foolishly believed his begging for forgiveness and thought jez he really adores me and took him back.
Lastly he broke my shoulder and left a lump on my skull i flew so far from a smack I landed on a van 21 years later it still physically pains me if it wasn't for the van my skull would have cracked open on the pavement.

Keep posting OP.

You are now so much closer to being given a beating by this man by allowing him back into your home.

He is a horror.

Every minute you spend with him is a minute you delay having a better life.

Please help yourself.

You KNOW this will continue and escalate. You KNOW he will beg forgiveness and make unfulfillable promises. He has a drink and violence problem. Someone drinking at 8am has demons. You can't change or save him. Stay strong and block him. He finished it when he squared up to you and made you feel frightened. Remember someone who makes you scared does not love you.

@GorgonzolaSouffle
Nice

@pickingdaisies

Might be tactless but for goodness sake 😲😲

GorgonzolaSouffle's post was blunt, but she is right.

Please rid yourself of him before he harms you.

If he's on your sofa-is that because you've allowed him to move in?

Even if so you can still move him out!

You deserve better, Op.

He's not who you thought.

Don't cling on to the what ifs or the if onlys.

He won't become who you want.

He is who he is-a drunken abuser.

Don't waste your time or feelings on him.

If you don't care for your own safety, I don't either, but if I knew where you lived, I'd be calling the rspca for the sake of your cats, who are innocents and don't deserve to be at risk from your stupid decisions.

Please don't think for one second that you can change him with your love. It doesn't work like that. He's got a problem with drink and his fists. Please at least rehome your beloved pets until you come to your senses. I don't think you could forgive yourself if something happened to them.

It took me 18 months to gather up the courage to tell him it was over. In fact, after the first time he raged (emotional abuse/coercive control in my case) I sorry of forgot that I was allowed to end it. They work on making you think that they get to make the decisions.

For me it took a time when he was sulking and threatening to end things (which he did all the time), when I had a few hours to myself while he went off to think (all in a threatening voice of course) to realise that I could choose to end things too.

Even then, it took another few months for me to actually do it, and mostly because he stepped over a hard boundary of mine one night.

Those who are being harsh with you probably haven't been through it, or have forgotten how hard it is.

Can you get some online counselling? It was seeing the counselor separately that really helped me to know that I needed him to leave

Hi OP

We're going to move your thread over to our relationships topic - we think it'd be better off there.

OP, feel free to keep posting. You will need some support here when he hits you. Not if, but when.

You’ll need support here every subsequent time he hits you. And every time you think you may leave him, but allow him back into your life for whatever reason.

You’ll need support here when he gets you pregnant, and starts ramping up his abuse. You’ll need support here when he’s hitting you and your children.

You’ll keep getting the support, and eventually you will see that you are worth more than a relationship like this.

And hopefully, the support will allow you to see that you should be leaving him, BEFORE any of the situations above happen.

My first post deletion in 19 years 🥳🥳🥳

Not sure why but hey ho!

@GorgonzolaSouffle you probably wrote something nasty?

Oh op

Do you have a brother or big male friend that you can invite round? The police will help you too

@GorgonzolaSouffle

My first post deletion in 19 years 🥳🥳🥳

Not sure why but hey ho!

Why are you celebrating having a post deleted when you’ve been so awful to a woman in crisis?

@GorgonzolaSouffle

My first post deletion in 19 years 🥳🥳🥳

Not sure why but hey ho!

I think your post was pretty tone deaf, as is your response to being deleted.

When I’d read that he was passed out drunk at 8am I thought LTB, and then he’s squared up to you too. Please don’t move this vile man into your house. Get rid asap. Ring women’s aid if you need support. Do you have a male friend or brother? Preferably someone that could take care of this POS?

@Panicking40609

Probably will be the last time I post on this thread as I don’t deserve the advice and kindness. He’s on the couch, I have been weak and he’s still being horrible. I know it’s not fair to feel sorry for myself as it’s my own doing. I don’t want this yet here he is and I’ve allowed it. I’m so confused.

All I can say is thank you to you all for the past few day

Please don’t shut off from us now OP. We’re all very worried about you. Please please get some help, he won’t change and you deserve so much better! You’re worth a million of that cunt so don’t let him ruin your life.

Please keep posting get him out your worth so much more he’ll wreck your life, your kittens.

Please keep posting OP.

I think you feel confused because your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you something quite different. Listen to your head! I wish I’d followed that advice myself and ended some of my relationships sooner. I couldn’t switch off my feelings for my partner, but I could have taken some time out away from him and I really should have done.

Also, I knew three people who were in long-term relationships with alcoholics. All three relationships ended badly. Being with an alcoholic can be utterly draining and soul-destroying, even if they’re a nice person. And your boyfriend is not a nice person.

I was friends with one of the alcoholics I mentioned (Through his girlfriend). He was generally lovely, but his excessive drinking and poor decision-making caused his children (from a previous relationship) to stop seeing him. They found his drunken antics too disturbing.

His parents were wealthy and paid for him to go to a very expensive rehab clinic. Later, his girlfriend did her best to care for him, even though he’d sometimes push her away by saying horrible things. Sadly, it was all to no avail and my friend eventually succeeded in drinking himself to death.

I hope I never end up in a relationship with an alcoholic. And I certainly wouldn’t put myself through all that for a nasty drunk with a history of domestic violence.

Please don’t let him move in.

Take a deep breath. You've made a mistake in allowing him back, but mistakes can be rectified if you want them to be.

What do you want?

Please keep posting. It often takes multiple times for someone to really get an abusive person out of their lives.

The only thing I ask (like I have a right to ask anything!) is that you please, PLEASE be sure you are using extremely effective contraception. And please, PLEASE don't rely on him or trust him with contraception no matter what he says. So insist on condoms for STI reasons, but not for birth control purposes.

OMG you let him move in after all that abuse ????