Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks @Dancerinthemoonlight

Haha awkwardly not we’ve been on two dates and have third arranged. We know each other from about ten years ago if that makes any difference! Maybe I’m being odd. I just tend to do one man at a time which maybe makes me a sucker - I can’t fathom having the same level of feelings for multiple men at the same time, surely even if you’re dating multiple you have a favourite?

Sorry the above was got @lovellost

@LongtimelurkerL

Thanks *@Dancerinthemoonlight*

Haha awkwardly not we’ve been on two dates and have third arranged. We know each other from about ten years ago if that makes any difference! Maybe I’m being odd. I just tend to do one man at a time which maybe makes me a sucker - I can’t fathom having the same level of feelings for multiple men at the same time, surely even if you’re dating multiple you have a favourite?

It doesn't make a difference because you haven't seen him in a romantic way as you do now . We are both suckers then as I find multi dating too much as you cannot give everyone the same level of attention, you will always have a favorite. When I meet someone I like enough , I disable my profile whilst I see how it works out , that way I am not checking on them either .

@lovellost what do I do then!? How do I not appear crazy?

If you have both established you want a serious relationship and you clearly like each other , bring it up next time . Or be a coward like me and hint how much dating during COVID is a challenge but you are hoping to meet someone to build on something solid moving into 2021 and hope for the best .

If after hinting on the third date he doesn't take the hint , just bring it in the fourth date , you will not look crazy plus you wouldn't want to waste your time if he's not really into it . You have the advantage that he's not someone totally new.

@LongtimelurkerL I think it's worth having that conversation sooner rather than later - there are ways of phrasing it... I think I had it with MrR after about 4 dates in quick succession and just after we'd shagged for the first time - I think it was couched in a "I'm not shopping around any more, are you?" kinda way. I think you know when there's a spark there. With my previous ca-Tinder-astrophe he declared very early on that he was deleting Tinder - only for me to find him back on there weeks later after he'd been bleating he wanted space as was very very stressed... so I don't think it can ever mean THAT much in and of itself.

I'm feeling really quite smitten with MrR, although am trying to be sensible and hold back slightly.

Thanks @freelancedolly I think there’s a spark there we did walk around a cold park for 5 hours and then overstay our two hour slot in a pub for another couple of hours and he’s been texting everyday. Obv he hasn’t today so now I’m consumed with anxiety and don’t want to text to appear too keen. Date is Tuesday and nothing arranged bar that

Just marking my place so I don't have to keep searching. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Ok so Mr Long Walk has now text me about our date so feeling less like a mess

Hello, can I join in?

So I started talking to blue eyes (BE) a few weeks ago. Seemed Exceptionally different from the other zillion online morons that I've spoken to and dated and was actually wanted a meaningful relationship. No crazy ex, or kids, has a job, home and personality!
So on date 3 I slept with him (I know.. I know ) we spent the night and spoke the next day and even had plans for the following day and yep you've guessed it nothing! I've called one and texted twice, being that we had plans and I've heard nothing from him.

So go on tell me I was a dick to sleep with him and he's an even bigger dick or I'm being to hasty, it's not been 48 hours since I heard from him yet but we did have something planned.

I'm so done with dating, are there even any nunneries open anymore??

@lovellost @sortingitout Hi all, yet another perfect day with Mr Yoga, though social distancing went out of the window in 30min of me being there. His choice, he said I looked too seductive ....I'm just so bloody happy with him.

Couldn't stay as had to get kids sorted for their dad tmw but think I may go back tomorrow night to have dinner and chill.

@newnamenewposts I don't think you need berate yourself for sleeping with this bloke. He isn't a very nice bloke if he has stopped all communication and there are much better out there.

I had a date this evening. Pretty village in the dark with him bringing coffee and cake and a park bench overlooking Christmas lights

Had a two hour drunken Fri night phone call with him having matched yesterday morning and a few texts established bloody loads in common (play same instruments, lived in four same towns all over UK, kids same ages, same time post marriage etc etc)

Fancied him and clearly he liked me but do you know what.....? Not one question did he ask of me. None. Zero interest in who I am. So that, according to my recently improved standards, is a big fat byeeeee 👋 & take care!

Honestly. Every bloke. No questions.

I'm so over being interested in anyone who clearly isn't genuinely interested in me.

Thanks for new thread @Dancerinthemoonlight

Place marking.
Its Mr Ps weekend with his kids so I'm home with mine. Well, they are teens so they are on phones and devices while I roam around on my own.

@Eesha aww that’s sweet!

@newnamenewposts absolutely nothing to do with you he is clearly a prize winning twuntpuffin for behaving like that. No excuse at all!

@Ruralbliss great new standards - well done you

@Ruralbliss you are not alone. I've been on lots of dates where I've noticed that they've barely asked me a thing. Now, it's a key thing I mentally 'score' on my dates. I genuinely don't believe a lot of men are interested in women's personalities.

newname it's shit when that happens and simple bad manners if he left you thinking there were plans made. Tosspot. Keep looking xx

This is going to make me sound a bit nuts but would you be put off by a guy on OLD calling some of your belongings 'ugly'?

He asked to see a pic of the craft I'd started learning in lockdown so I showed him my first attempt at some fabric plant pot covers, saying 'they're a bit wonky (true, I wasn't looking for compliments!)'. He agreed they were and said 'at least you've picked such ugly plants nobody will notice'. I'm sure it's just banter and I'm not precious but I wouldn't insult something of someone's taste if they were a near stranger. Would other ppl just have found this funny?

For context, I have dated a straight run of knobs lately so might be oversensitive!

@yellowhighheels I'd be offended! I think it shows a real lack of tact even if he didn't like them and I would much rather my partner kept those views to himself or at least my subtle!

@Ruralbliss was he just nervous or awkward? didn't you feel a spark? I thought the actual date sounded fun!

Checking in, I've been chatting to a string of idiots that show themselves as twats eventually somehow. So until I meet someone worthy I'm not naming anyone.

I spent the day with Ms Jam yesterday, it was brilliantly funny and nice to be with someone who cares and who is straight up about where their head is at. We had a good chat and we are the best of friends but neither in the mental state to be more 'now' as we both recognise we both want an anchoring partner that's male. That doesn't mean we won't in future. In the meantime our friendship is genuinely going from strength to strength. We have plans for Boxing Day. 😁

@Eesha @LongtimelurkerL @yellowhighheels thanks for your kindness. I thought I was robust to this OLD crap but clearly not. I've still woken up and texted him good morning
I really thought we had some connection and he instigated conversations to this effect telling me he wanted a long term relationship.
I am actually a dick, more of a dick than him. 😤 someone pass the grip

I'll never know @Eesha as I'll not see him again. Zero tolerance to guys who ask no Qs.
I'm embarrassed for him. It's rude.

I've had 5 x romances in varying duration from two to nine months over the past 2.5 years and looking back the common theme (& reason these romances never stood a chance of being anything other than short term dalliances) is due to my inability to sift out blokes who weren't actually interested in me the person with 48 years of stuff to tell.

I've had fun but from the end of last two-monther I vowed to myself I'd never get involved with anyone scoring low on this front again.

This was the first time post-last iron I've had the chance to flex this muscle.

Suspect of I'd been sober for our Fri phone date I would have screened him out on the same but Baileys made my judgement blurry.

@newnamenewposts I don't think you were daft for sleeping with him on date 3.

He's a prize arse for ghosting you since then and I'm sorry you are going through that. It bloody hurts.

For the record I have a tendency to sleep with new irons on date 3 and have no intention of changing this pattern as like to check out sexual compatibility early on (and further record logging I am daft for not binning off last iron after first sleepover of dire one sided selfish sex instead of letting it run to 8 weeks when he ghosted me)

As we like to say on here you've dodged a bullet by him shoring his true colours early on. A guy who is comfortable vanishing and actively ignoring texts and calls from a woman he dated & slept with is not someone you'd want to be involved with.

It's horrible but you are not at fault. Nothing you did made him the cockwomble he is it just wasn't obvious to you.

Hope you manage to stagger through the days until he no longer occupies space in your brain. It might take some time but you'll get there.

RuralBliss that is a shame. I've also had to ditch a good number of men over the past 3 years who've seemed caring and decent people, plus interesting in their own right hence giving it a few dates or months.

However they simply either didn't ask me much or didn't really hear anything I said, they just wanted to talk.

The ones I've asked about this all said something along the lines of how they've already decided they liked and were interested in me so didn't think they needed to ask questions to get to know more, they'd just pick up more about me as we went on.

I think it might be a particular personality type as they were all very generous with presents and practical gestures, say if something broke or offering to drive me places/ take me shopping.

it's good to identify the pattern and put a stop to it though as I know how unsatisfying these are.

@newnamenewposts

Hello, can I join in?

So I started talking to blue eyes (BE) a few weeks ago. Seemed Exceptionally different from the other zillion online morons that I've spoken to and dated and was actually wanted a meaningful relationship. No crazy ex, or kids, has a job, home and personality!
So on date 3 I slept with him (I know.. I know ) we spent the night and spoke the next day and even had plans for the following day and yep you've guessed it nothing! I've called one and texted twice, being that we had plans and I've heard nothing from him.

So go on tell me I was a dick to sleep with him and he's an even bigger dick or I'm being to hasty, it's not been 48 hours since I heard from him yet but we did have something planned.

I'm so done with dating, are there even any nunneries open anymore??

Don't beat yourself up. He is clearly not a nice person . Chalk it up to experience . Welcome aboard