Dating Thread 197 - Dating into 2021 and beyond

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks SortingItOut,will have to see with guy I'm chatting to. Maybe he is busy all the time as he is dati g loads? He is a gardener so I was just assuming with dark eves that he would be home quite early. Also,I'm chucking my height preference rule out the window as he is 5'6. But he asks questions so I'm happy 😄

Anyway,like you,I like to know what's going on and need concrete plans. I like to plan,I'm never late. Maybe a bit controlling in that sense but that comes from bringing three children up and having to be on time for years. So I do understand. You just need to know about sundays.then you're not wondering .

@Dancerinthemoonlight I’m actually worried about the being seen one as it’s me that’s the one that has that problem. I’m actually thinking Mr TG will think it’s weird as it’s likely to arise this week if we are planning to meet Saturday. My problem is one of not running into my ex, my family, his family, his friends (small town everyone knows everyone!) while on a date in the early days with someone. He’s probably thinking red flag 🚩 about me! We will have a chat and I will explain but I do understand it will make him have second thoughts about me.

@Ruralbliss i completely agree. It's so easy to get caught up in the he is good looking and actually texts me not to see the red flags.

I am also declaring that when I get back to dating I will not waste my time on someone who isn't meeting my standards.

Some of those date disasters are hilarious.
I'm currently sitting on my hands trying not to message Mr FF to firm up a date plan as he's busy with work

@Dancerinthemoonlight I think as long as they explain why they can’t go out to certain places. I don’t meet my dates in my hometown as my children r still in primary school. I don’t want to bump into them or their friends whilst on a date as they don’t need to know mummy is dating. If things get serious then obviously this would change & eventually I would tell my children. So there may be a good reason for this.

@Whattodonow6322 there hasn't been a good reason for it in my experience. To me it's a lack of effort if they want to stay in all the time in the early stages of dating. It's also been more of an I don't want to run into anyone I know so they don't go to places they know rather than a good excuse. I know that everyone isn't going to have the same opinions or experiences that I have had.

@Dancerinthemoonlight ah ok I think I misunderstood I will happily go out with my dates just don’t like going into my own town centre. I meet them in neighbouring towns instead.

Checking in!thanks for thread @Dancerinthemoonlight

I’ll do a bigger update later on - MrC back and all is well overall but we’re a little bit “out of sync” - first meet was well meaning on both sides but awkward as fuck as we were sort of getting used to each other!

so we’re sort of calibrating to equilibrium right now.

Yay @Bunkbedpeople is back!

@Bunkbedpeople
Thanks for popping back, we've all been waiting with baited breath....we are so overinvested on this thread🤣

And this is the only thing we are allowed to be overinvested in😁

Yo @Ruralbliss

Catching up with all the thread news now (plus a bit dehydrated from being out of my usual food/drink routine so gingerly sipping water. I definitely find it easier to be a fitness yoga bunny when the men are out of town! )

She's back, yay!!

Ply you with booze, did he??

How long did you spend together- enough to relax with each other all over again?

@crackofdoom and @SortingItOut

Bigger update later on as I’m still a bit myself (that’s not necessarily a bad confused just a vague confused).

I think it needs a couple weeks then we/I’ll have a clearer overall idea of what’s happening - we’re both still into each other and practically have reconciled and he’s sorted my wfh office (romantic )

but I’m finding adjusting from long distance contact/single woman life is actually quite hard.

I can relate. I always forget how bloody big they are...

@crackofdoom

Exactly - I like the “physical oppositeness” of men but also if you’re quite a thoughtful hippy geeky type who hasn’t been randomly dating lots over the year , it’s hard to get used to them again. Though I’m hopefully getting there.

(I can’t say any more graphic or physical detail as I know you’re all delicate blushing flowers on this thread )

MrTall is coming over again this eve. I'm not sure whether to ask him what he's looking for? Or whether to just leave it and see how things progress.
It's just difficult as he has hinted at more and that hasn't helped with stopping myself getting over invested which normally isn't an issue when I have a straightforward fwb/fb. Just don't want to carry on allowing myself to be open to more with him if that is not what he wants

Sounds good @Bunkbedpeople although oddly you sound a bit like me each time I returned from Mr VWs & friends were texting 'Soooooooo how did it go?!?'

I could never get a response out without a few days of decompressing and processing all the experiences.

There's such a lot to take in after going from normal day to day routine to suddenly being in a man's place and 'interacting' (ahem) etc.

It used to take me days to get my head round it all. But I now realise it was harder to process as wasn't getting any of the usual lovebombing or indeed any positive feedback/compliments.

Is MrC suitably (but not too) gushy and complimentary about you and him being Lucky MrC?

Hope so.

Last night I had a nice catch-up with my best boy friend who found lurve on Match.com a year and a half ago.
The second woman he met ffs. Hilarious.

He was incredulous that I was still using Tinder and asked me whether I'd made any link between the fact I'd had short term dalliances with men who later revealed themselves to be dire & the source of said men (Tinder). His view was that it has a reputation for not being anything other than hook ups and why on earth didn't I invest some cash in a site with richer profiles etc.

It had honestly never occurred to me other than I like the mutual matching of Tinder and was totally underwhelmed by my brief POF trial last week where my inbox filled up with 'Hi x' and ''Hi sexy' from men who were pretty far from being my type.

I said I'd try it in the spring (and consult my people on this thread). Is it the same deal as POF but you get to pay for the pleasure of blokes you don't fancy saying hi to you?

Tinder is my app of choice but maybe he has a point (after zero dalliances with dire women and straight into long term lurrrrrve from Match).

Any thoughts gratefully received as always.

Rural I tried match, it was just as dire if not worse. I found because they'd paid how dare you say no thanks.

Well not a single message from Mr FF today. He was 'captivated' yesterday and planning a date for tomorrow. Has disappeared today, I'm not blocked though.
I'm genuinely disappointed, I had a really good feeling about this one,

well I did until my best friend ripped him to shreds to me this afternoon then told me again that Fab is not a good site for finding someone. I should be looking more mainstream.

I felt like screaming down the phone, I'm a kinky bisexual woman that has leanings to non monogamy just because you don't want to believe it doesn't make it not true. It was exactly those things that Mr FF liked about me and if he isn't the right relationship for me right now so be it, I'm not going to turn straight and monogamous overnight because you think I need a nice boyfriend.

Ms Jam, ever the voice of reason talked to me about how we all have days where we just can't do new relationship chat due to work and life it just might be one of those days. I do actually hope she is right

I think if you’re just sifting through the men that message you on sites like PoF and Match you’re missing out. It’s not an annoyance I suffer from particularly - the unsuitable unsolicited messager - but Match does allow you to screen. You can see a profile summary of who is messaging you and accept or reject the messager before even reading the message. If they come back asking why you haven’t responded you can block them at that stage too, without any of those decisions making it back to them.

But I would say the power of those sites is that you can take the initiative and seek out profiles that are of interest @Ruralbliss using the very good search facility, and set the agenda yourself.

@Ruralbliss Match worked for me years back when I think online dating was relatively new. I used it briefly this year though and it was rubbish and a complete waste of money. As others have said, most people are on the free sites anyway. I know quite a few couples who have met on tinder and bumble both.

craving I suppose on the bright side she didn't tell you that all online dating is AWFUL and "it'll happen when it happens", and why don't you try a Shared Activity that lots of men do, like tennis?

I think you are no more or less likely to find someone on Fab than anywhere else, TBH. There's no better ice breaker than rolling round naked with someone. I certainly think it counts as a Shared Activity that lots of men do.....

Thanks @crackofdoom - I completely agree re the shared activity.

She met her partner of 7 months on Tinder but that's an ok app to meet someone on.

Welcome back Bunkbed! How strange it must be to have him there after months of anticipation - sounds like you're both wanting to make it work though and happy to give it time.

Re sites, it's the same bloody faces on all of them. I've met lovely men on Tinder and POF and nobody on match.

@crackofdoom oh you do make me laugh. I'm taking that as my own - the shared activity and ice breaker of rolling around naked. It's a must-do

@cravingthelook I'm sad MrFF hasn't messaged you after you having a good feeling about him. That's v disappointing. Maybe a busy day but surely if he saw you as the prize he'd find a couple of secs to keep in touch and keep your interest. Mind you some people are just rubbish texters. My two best mates for example.