How did you know you had found "the one"

[Peanutbutterjelly10]

I always find these threads lovely. So how did you know? Was it a instant feeling, more or a slow burner? Was it something they did that made you realise?

I think after 30 years I've finally found my one! I have never felt this way before. And I felt it from the moment I met them.

Hi @Peanutbutterjelly10

Sounds so unlikely, unbelievabke and cheesey, but the moment i laid eyes on him (tinder date) I knew we would get married. I didn't fancy him hugely, it wasn't love at first sight, but I knew I had to make it work because I could tell he was the perfect fit for me. Thankfully I started to fancy him very quickly and I knew I loved him after 3 months and we are now married.

I'm not saying I believe in "the one". We may hate each other in a few years.

I think you "know" for a variety of reasons. Firstly the "I can't explain it" feeling, but for me it was also being super comfortable, not having to adjust my thoughts, opinions or views. I wasn't afraid to make plans with him, eg "shall we book a holiday for 6 months time", wasn't afraid to include him in my life and never once worried I'd said something to cock up. Yes, we would wind eachother up and bicker but I never felt nervous after doing so, in the same way a married couple wouldn't be worried their marriage is over if they fall out over something small.

Very happy for you!

There are some lovely stories on here, makes me smile. I've always been a hopeless romantic hoping one I'd find the right person for me.
For the people who don't believe in "the one" is there any particular reason or you just don't believe in it?

I think you instinctively know, it's a gut feeling, which is something my sensible head usually tries to fight against, but I don't think you can ignore your deep down feeling about somebody, and it's usually right. I've had this feeling about someone, but unfortunately I'm stuck and unhappy with someone who gave me a definite 'this is not the one' feeling the moment we met. Human (and animal) instincts are there for a reason. . . .

For the people who don't believe in "the one" is there any particular reason or you just don't believe in it?

Yes because there are literally billions of men on the planet who I'm sure I could love and who might love me back, if only we'd met :)

Most people end up with someone from a pretty narrow pool of 'availables' although online dating has changed that a bit (it wasn't around 35 years ago when I was single.) Work, friends of friends, sport, hobbies etc.

So, if most people consider who they have dated over a period of a few years, and then ended up marrying one of them, the odds are pretty high. For example, say I went out with 20 men between the ages of 18 and 30. Two were long term ( 3-5 years each) and of the rest I could have happily married two others. So that's 4 out of 20, as possible life long partners.

Given the billions of men out there, had I kept looking and not married DH, I think someone else suitable would have come along at some point if our lives collided.

I have a lot of interests and all the men I've been close to have been very different, so it's not a case of one person (type) being a perfect fit.

I had an instinct too...

Tinder date in a pub near me. Got on well. Took him back to my place so I could have a glass of wine. He's a big man, but he sat so tidily and respectfully, didnt man spread or take over. Didnt try it on. When he left at 11, his respectful behaviour was so touching, I just remember thinking 'I could have it all with this man..'

Compare that with the one before, where we'd been at a festival and it grew chilly as night fell, I asked him if I could wear his coat which was in the backpack and he said no. I looked around at all the lovely couples and thought, is this the best I can do? A man who wont even let me wear a coat he's not using??? Now fiance wouldn't hear of anything like that. I love him. Hes so warm and cuddly and gentle and stable. And very easy to live with!

For me I guess it was a sense of calmness. My previous people I've been with had been chaotic and had never been on my level about life or my valves.
Watching the sunset on our first date was amazing and I just knew this person was the right one for me.

I also don't believe in the one. I believe in the one I love and loves me at the moment and for however long it lasts! Definitely coloured by earlier loss.

I would say I felt safe, empowered, wanted, admired and ultimately myself in his presence from the beginning.

I knew within about a week of meeting DP. It took me 20 years of dating, a disastrous marriage and wading through a sea of idiots to find him.

I knew because I've never been so comfortable with anyone else in my life. Nothing was ever awkward, there's nothing I can't talk to him about, nothing I'd hide from him.

We communicate often about how we're feeling; if he comes home after a shitty day he'll tell me he's in a bit of a grump so I understand why, same if I'm feeling anxious or hormonal. We prioritise making it clear that the problem isn't with each other (unless it is; then we talk about that too!)

He's incredibly kind, thoughtful and caring, treats me wonderfully and makes me want to be a better person in response.

From about 3 weeks in I couldn't remember a time that I didn't know him

(Ps. The PPs story about her fiancé not giving her his jacket made me sad. Mine would without question give me his entire outfit if I was the slightest bit cold, not that I'd let him!! )

I met DH when on the rebound from an abusive relationship and he as on the rebound after his wife cheated on him.

I saw him walking down the street about 6 months before we actually met and thought 'That is the man I am going to marry'.

We met 6 months later, both newly single. I was damaged, he was damaged and we just protected each other. Then a few months later he brought home a little rescue puppy with 3 legs. He was feeding her scrambled eggs and pate as she was so thin and I thought ; ' He;s it'.

20 years later. Not all great. Loads of issues and some ups and downs but always I know we have each others back. But lately I have been suffering badly from depression and he has protected me like a broken baby bird.

I too dont believe in 'the one'.. I mean out of the 7.5 billion people in the world, what are the chances of your 'one' living in the same city/town even country as you.
I believe there are people better suited to each other.

I think Disney have alot to answer for for giving us that fairytale, 'the one' type of impression of love.

I don’t believe in ‘the one’ really - look how high the divorce rate is, presumably most of those couples thought each other was ‘the one’ when they got married but people grow and change. I think you can have several people who you could have a happy life with, and across your life span that may translate into you having a few serious relationships - all of them being ‘the one’ at that time but not necessarily forever. I think it’s a nice idea but agree with PP’s that it’s fairly unrealistic and can be damaging to women.
I’ve been in love 3 times. First love - I thought he was the one I’d marry, but we grew up and my feelings changed. Second love - I adored him and he’s probably the strongest ‘unexplainable connection’ I’ve felt in my life, but he was also a nightmare a lot of the time and we just couldn’t make it work. Third love - I married him because we hold the same views, wanted the same things and made each other happy in a calmer way that love number 2. Is he ‘the one’? No, if he left me tomorrow I’m sure I’d find love again at some point. I think each love feels different and there are the relationships that are very intense and some that are steadier and calmer. We’re all unique and each relationship is unique.

@PurplebakedDinosaur

I met DH when on the rebound from an abusive relationship and he as on the rebound after his wife cheated on him.

I saw him walking down the street about 6 months before we actually met and thought 'That is the man I am going to marry'.

We met 6 months later, both newly single. I was damaged, he was damaged and we just protected each other. Then a few months later he brought home a little rescue puppy with 3 legs. He was feeding her scrambled eggs and pate as she was so thin and I thought ; ' He;s it'.

20 years later. Not all great. Loads of issues and some ups and downs but always I know we have each others back. But lately I have been suffering badly from depression and he has protected me like a broken baby bird.

No I can't buy that 'I knew he was the one I was going to marry.' You liked the look of him and with hindsight you did marry him. It makes no sense otherwise.

I’d been divorced over a decade and had completely given up on men (as in was pursuing solo fertility treatment when I met him).

He wasn’t put off by that.

One night, quite early on, we were in bed and he casually asked if I’d ever consider marrying again. My answer to that for years had been the equivalent of “lololololol”.

I found myself casually replying, “Maybe, for the right person,” and meaning it.

We were married less than six months later.

@NC866

I don’t believe in ‘the one’ really - look how high the divorce rate is, presumably most of those couples thought each other was ‘the one’ when they got married but people grow and change. I think you can have several people who you could have a happy life with, and across your life span that may translate into you having a few serious relationships - all of them being ‘the one’ at that time but not necessarily forever. I think it’s a nice idea but agree with PP’s that it’s fairly unrealistic and can be damaging to women. I’ve been in love 3 times. First love - I thought he was the one I’d marry, but we grew up and my feelings changed. Second love - I adored him and he’s probably the strongest ‘unexplainable connection’ I’ve felt in my life, but he was also a nightmare a lot of the time and we just couldn’t make it work. Third love - I married him because we hold the same views, wanted the same things and made each other happy in a calmer way that love number 2. Is he ‘the one’? No, if he left me tomorrow I’m sure I’d find love again at some point. I think each love feels different and there are the relationships that are very intense and some that are steadier and calmer. We’re all unique and each relationship is unique.

I agree. 4 out of 10 marriages end in divorce. All of those thought they had met 'the one' at first. Partners die and people remarry.

I knew the night I met him, and he later told me he knew I was the One as soon as we met too. I’m 44 and he’s 50, so it’s been a long time coming in my life. Never felt this way before.
We told each other we loved one another on our 5th date (which was a weekend in Marrakech), and he proposed 9 months later.

PortraitofAWoman you don't have to 'buy' anything.

It's my story. And is my life.

I knew. That was the start and the end of it.

When I realised he always did what he said he was going to do. If we made plans to meet up, he never cancelled. If he said he’d do something, he did it. If he said we’d meet at 6, he was there at 6 or messaged to say he was late and let me know what time to expect him. Sounds odd, but it was groundbreaking for me at the time.

Interestingly, when we first met, I never saw it as a serious thing. We were working abroad and I thought it would be fun for 6 months and we’d go back to our respective countries and maybe still stay friends on Facebook. But he was so solid and dependable and supportive. He was there with me through an awful lot and he just never waivered, as dependable and supportive as always. 12+ years later, he’s still as supportive and wonderful.

Met for lunch at a riverside pub and and just talked and talked and talked before we realised that it was time for dinner so we ordered that as well and talked some more. Never felt so relaxed or at ease with somone.

I knew instantly. It wasn't love at first sight exactly, because I fell in love with him over time, but it was more that I knew instantly that I WAS going to fall in love with him. It was just a feeling of coming home, like everything in my life up until then made sense. I just thought "oh, there you are". He had the same experience ad it was wonderful. Sadly he died suddenly 6 weeks ago. I hope to one day find love again as I'm only 36 but I don't know if it could ever feel like that again.

I knew my husband was something special on the first date I dint know how. Our fourth date he took a massive risk and told me about how he'd had cancer when he was 11 and how his family had rallied around and how close they all are, very much like my own family had when my mum had gotten sick and passed away. I knew then he was the one. I had always joked I never wanted a white Knight in shining armour as he'd have never know a battle. I wanted a battled hardened warrior to fight at my side. I had been through so much and knew how shit life could get and wanted someone I knew could handle it. I knew I wanted this man at my side always and his incredible family too.

11 months later we were engaged and married a year after that. Never thought otherwise for a minute :)

How wonderful!

For me it was the best first date ever. I felt happy, calm, completely myself, never thought I could have laughed so much, it was hard to stop talking at the end of the date, etc., nearly two decades on, still the same, still happy, calm and laughing. A good match should make you both feel your best selves.

@peachgreen I am so so sorry for your loss

@PurplebakedDinosaur

PortraitofAWoman you don't have to 'buy' anything.

It's my story. And is my life.

I knew. That was the start and the end of it.

Sure, course it is. But saying you knew you'd marry a stranger you spotted in the street and had never spoken to? Mills& Boon, sounds like to me :)

What is a bit sad about this thread is how many women seem to have accepted shit behaviour from previous boyfriends and equate 'love' with reliability and good behaviour.

I'm not disagreeing that men who show up on time and show good manners and consideration are great, but it doesn't say much about the others.

It was shockingly right away and I don't believe in that stuff. He picked me up and carried me off, and set me down and kissed me in a way that made me know.
It was that feeling of ' this man knows what he wants, is going to make things happen' kind of energy and it resonated with me.
Been together 25 , married 23, he is still me passion.