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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How did you know you had found "the one"

135 replies

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 15:00

I always find these threads lovely. So how did you know? Was it a instant feeling, more or a slow burner? Was it something they did that made you realise?

I think after 30 years I've finally found my one! I have never felt this way before. And I felt it from the moment I met them.

OP posts:
Coffeeeeandcake · 11/12/2020 21:37

I met him after I’d been broken by previous relationships. I wasn’t open to the idea of love or romance. I was consistently rejecting male attention. My friend linked me with him for a no strings FWH situation. 15 months later he is my favourite grownup. I absolutely adore him Smile

MeMarmite · 11/12/2020 21:38

I came out and tentatively started dating, we had lots of friends in common and met up. We clicked very quickly, we enjoy each others' company, have much in common, share the same core values, similar work ethic, so on. It's the kind of relationship I've always hoped to have and couldn't find. Until now.

Bobblehatwobble · 11/12/2020 21:55

I knew DP was the one on our first date - it was meant to be a couple of hours, 8 hours later we were still talking and only had to go home because the sun was coming up.
He never let me down or made me feel insecure from day 1. He is funny, kind and unbelievably caring - I just feel so intensely in love with him all the time. Even when we’re arguing (which is minimal but does happen, we’re human) and I don’t like him, I always love him. No question. I was married before I met him and the feeling was completely different!

He is my best friend 💕

SimonJT · 11/12/2020 22:56

After our second date I told my cat she would need to meet him as I was going to marry him. In April I’ll be doing exactly that!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 11/12/2020 23:13

We had a holiday where it rained solidly for 10 days, completely torrential downpours. We still had a laugh and a good time and I literally couldn't think of any other person that i could have spent 24 7 with in that situation and not wanted to kill them

DuzzyFuck · 11/12/2020 23:28

Hi @peachgreen; I thought of you reading this thread. I think of you every time I'm feel like I might be taking anything for granted, and your story reminds me to grab life with both hands and squeeze every second out of it. I'm grateful to you and your Mike for that lesson. I hope you and L are ok today. Sending a big hug Thanks

(Sorry to derail a bit. As you were everyone x)

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 23:33

@peachgreen I'm so so sorry for your loss. That can't be easy

@portraitofawoman I understand you have different views but this is just a nice thread to share experiences and how people felt. You can't invalidate their feelings.

These stories are all so lovely and heart warming

I've just got off a long phone call with my partner. I haven't laughed so much in a long while. My heart feels very full

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 11/12/2020 23:34

He didn’t go off me after three months

LondonTTC · 12/12/2020 01:30

We'd been dating (at 19) for 3 weeks when my Mum was diagnosed with cancer. She died 4 months later, leaving me with no family. He stood by my side when I told him he should leave and live his life; packed, emptied and sold my childhood home

and carried me emotionally. 15 years later and a whole heap of laughter, more family heartache (his), moving country to find new roots and rough and tumble, he's unwavering. How did I get so lucky? To me, this is real love.

changedmynameforChristmas · 12/12/2020 03:03

He laughs at my jokes
We sing together in the car and it's dreadful
He is like a rock to me and to my children who are not his
You can tell him anything and he does not judge
I look forward to him coming home from work
He annoys the fuck out of me but I love him.
I didn't love him at first, but it grew into something special and we have been through hell together and still enjoy each other's company.
It's good being with him. It feels right.

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 12/12/2020 08:56

It's nice to have a thread which isn't all doom and gloom about relationships 😊

OP posts:
DaphneduM · 12/12/2020 09:19

I was divorced with a little girl and accepted that we'd be alone, as I could never imagine a man who could wholeheartedly and truly accept us as a pair. (Her father quickly abdicated any contact with her). I was picking up the pieces of our lives and concentrating on my new job. It was well out of my comfort zone as I was used to working in the private sector and this was a challenging public sector role. I gradually became aware of this handsome, friendly guy who always used to chat as he used the in/out information board behind my desk. When everyone was at lunch and the office was quiet, we got talking and I told him about my personal situation, thinking that would put him off. Not at all, he carried on being really friendly and I realised I really liked (fancied!!!) him. He asked me on a date - it was nearly Christmas - for my little girl to go on a special train and meet Santa! So lovely - Santa said to my little girl as I was taking a photo - 'look at Daddy!!!! Weirdly I just knew he would be Daddy. I asked him to stay with us over Christmas and my Mum and Dad loved him straight away (very usual for my Mum). We were married nine months later and celebrated our Silver Wedding this year. He proudly walked our daughter down the aisle for her wedding a few years ago. He is the love of my life

DaphneduM · 12/12/2020 09:22

should be 'unusual for my Mum'

cookiesthatcrumble · 12/12/2020 10:21

@DaphneduM

I was divorced with a little girl and accepted that we'd be alone, as I could never imagine a man who could wholeheartedly and truly accept us as a pair. (Her father quickly abdicated any contact with her). I was picking up the pieces of our lives and concentrating on my new job. It was well out of my comfort zone as I was used to working in the private sector and this was a challenging public sector role. I gradually became aware of this handsome, friendly guy who always used to chat as he used the in/out information board behind my desk. When everyone was at lunch and the office was quiet, we got talking and I told him about my personal situation, thinking that would put him off. Not at all, he carried on being really friendly and I realised I really liked (fancied!!!) him. He asked me on a date - it was nearly Christmas - for my little girl to go on a special train and meet Santa! So lovely - Santa said to my little girl as I was taking a photo - 'look at Daddy!!!! Weirdly I just knew he would be Daddy. I asked him to stay with us over Christmas and my Mum and Dad loved him straight away (very usual for my Mum). We were married nine months later and celebrated our Silver Wedding this year. He proudly walked our daughter down the aisle for her wedding a few years ago. He is the love of my life
Oh I love this story.
Tinkerbell456 · 12/12/2020 10:47

My experience was that it wasn’t an objective thing. I think simply I was just so sure from very early on. Rock solid certain. We’ve been together thirty years and married twenty eight years, so I guess my feeling was good.

Shuffled · 12/12/2020 11:14

I met 'the one' and really felt it in my heart. Everything about 'us' was perfect.

Lasted 14 years then he became 'not the one'.

riotlady · 12/12/2020 11:18

Slow burn here. We were friends with benefits and i actually thought he was a bit clingy at first. Apparently he knew much earlier than I did and used to whisper that he loved me when I had fallen asleep!

I think I knew when I had a bad dream about spiders and he thoroughly checked the bed and surrounding area for spiders and didn’t make fun of me at all.

riotlady · 12/12/2020 11:19

And when I sat cross legged naked in front of him and didn’t worry about my tummy rolls!

DontWalkPastTheCastle · 12/12/2020 11:34

It was strongly physical, a bit like I'd been punched in the solar plexus.

I was far too young and we spent a good few years dicking each other about while we grew up. By the time he was the man I knew he could he, I'd loved him for over a decade. All the disparate parts of my life locked into place.

StormBaby · 12/12/2020 11:37

We met in town for a coffee, and as soon as I walked around the corner and saw him for the first time, I knew. He says the same thing. We would’ve got married that day if we’d been able to, the feeling was that strong.

Amotherlife · 12/12/2020 12:18

I don't believe in "the one". I've known my DH over 30 years now - not sure I feel like that about him exactly, though until lockdown, I never really questioned it.

Before him, in my 20s, I had 3 longer term boyfriends and several short term ones. Timing is key. I wasn't really looking to settle down in my early 20s. I didn't hold the view that I'd meet my husband at university. My boyfriend then was convenient as much as anything (we had the same group of mainly paired-up friends).

The next one was lovely but didn't really set me on fire. I realised I would never marry him after a while, but I enjoyed being with him.

The third could have been "the one". Physically he wasn't my type but we really clicked. We knew what each other was thinking and shared the same sense of humour. I was madly in love for a while, but it faded and he had some qualities I didn't like (not abusive or anything). However, we still keep in touch, and there is still a "connection" there.

DH was very much my physical type and came over as "mysterious", which intrigued me. We shared the same values, similar backgrounds etc. He was/ is steady and supportive. What I particularly liked, compared to my previous bf, was that he wasn't competitive with me, never told me what to do. (Ex still tells me what I should do on the very rare occasions we see each other, and it still grates.) Anyway I was late 20s then and looking to get married, which we did after 4 years.

Greydove28 · 12/12/2020 14:11

@DontWalkPastTheCastle

It was strongly physical, a bit like I'd been punched in the solar plexus.

I was far too young and we spent a good few years dicking each other about while we grew up. By the time he was the man I knew he could he, I'd loved him for over a decade. All the disparate parts of my life locked into place.

Ahh glad it worked out
DontWalkPastTheCastle · 12/12/2020 14:33

That is so sweet of you @Greydove28

Thank you ❤️

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 12/12/2020 17:38

@cookiesthatcrumble thats a lovely story 😊

OP posts:
PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 12/12/2020 17:44

My friend texted me to tell me she'd bought her sandwich in M&S and seen my v new boyfriend - she'd met him once, in the pub, three weeks-ish before - paying for the shopping of an old lady whose card had been declined. She had some cash but not enough. The cashier (unusually for M&S was being quite difficult, picking up things like a small Victoria sponge and saying "Well, that's not an essential, is it? That could go back." My then bloke picked up her whole bill - not a fortune but about 25 quid, according to my friend. It was a bolted-on certainty after that. We're not together now but he is and was a bloody good bloke.