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Original poster

How did you know you had found "the one"

135 replies

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 15:00

I always find these threads lovely. So how did you know? Was it a instant feeling, more or a slow burner? Was it something they did that made you realise?

I think after 30 years I've finally found my one! I have never felt this way before. And I felt it from the moment I met them.

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 16/12/2020 06:48

I knew he was a 'good un' the moment I met him. He was a gentleman, old fashioned values. I knew very quickly.

Desmondo2016 · 16/12/2020 06:50

Because I didn't question it. I met him and he was my best friend and life partner without question. I haven't questioned it since nor had a single second of doubt.

Norwester · 16/12/2020 06:50

For the people who don't believe in "the one" is there any particular reason or you just don't believe in it?

It's childish nonsense? This is life and not a fairytale?

I am happily married and enjoy our life together and think he's wonderful. But I know from experience of friends and family that loving partners can die, or refocus onto dreams that I do not share, or start shagging some woman from the office...

I love dh, but there are another 3.5 billionish men on this planet and to say he is the only one that I could share a happy life with is just silly.

hillarypcof · 16/12/2020 09:00

As @Oblomov20 has said, sometimes you can just tell from the moment you meet them. My partner was a gentleman from the moment I met him - very smart, chivalrous, traditional (yet flattering) values like holding the door open for me, holding my coat as I put it on, walking on the outside of the pavement so that I wasn't on the road-side. Little things like that really did make him stand out to me 😍 Almost 1 year on and every time feels like the first time ☺

He just isn't like the rest!

This is such a lovely thread 💕

TheWindowDonkey · 16/12/2020 09:49

For the people who don't believe in "the one" is there any particular reason or you just don't believe in it?

Yep, because after decades together we have just split. We were the couple everyone thought would make it forever, we just couldn't get over the hump this time....One of the everday humps that every marriage experiences. There is no ‘one’ there are just two people who equally want to be together and make it work. Once one stops, then you have to admit it and move on. Im realising i’m the one for me...and anyone else is a beautiful extra bonus.

peachgreen · 16/12/2020 09:49

@CatAndHisKit Sort of in that I was the one who initiated the conversation about the feelings we clearly had for each other. But it didn't feel like making a move or anything because it was so obvious we both felt the same. That was a really unusual experience for me as previously I had never had confidence in myself enough to think that someone else would be interested in me in that way (I'd never made the first move).

BarkHoneyBark · 16/12/2020 09:58

@peachgreen - I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think it was more I was ready to settle down and met someone who had always been settled and didn't know any different.

I'd been skittering around with lots of blokes I'd had a fantastic time with - but none of them were the settling type. Or if they were it wouldn't have been with me - or the me I was then.

I don't think there's a 'one' but I do think I found someone compatible, that I could stand the thought of being with, and who makes me laugh.

My DH is on his second marriage so he has fairly realistic views about 'the one' too.

Babdoc · 16/12/2020 10:09

@Peachgreen, your DH would want you to be happy, and there is no reason why you should not seek comfort and companionship in a future relationship, even if it does not compare to what you had with him.

I was by no means claiming the martyred moral high ground - my problem is that I only want DH, I couldn’t love a substitute.

peachgreen · 16/12/2020 10:21

@Babdoc no I totally understand, it's such a personal decision for everyone who has been widowed and I absolutely get why you didn't want to meet anyone else. I think raising your children alone is incredible and you should be very proud of yourself, as I know your DH is Flowers

pingu777 · 16/12/2020 10:36

Definitely a slow burner over here, I wasn't sure as we worked together and had both recently got out of long term things and were set on just being ourselves and not getting involved in anything for a while. Our first date was so comfortable but intense and I didn't want to leave. I wavered a few times as he wasn't my "type", he wasn't what I thought I wanted, but is everything that I need. Since then, I've always just kind of known, like it's just kind of inevitable, and everything about him makes that more clear! He doesn't make me nervous or apprehensive, just safe, appreciated and like I'm the only girl in the world! It's not the rollercoaster I've been on before, or expected it to be, it's way way better than that!

Original poster
Peanutbutterjelly10 · 16/12/2020 14:47

There are some lovely stories on here.
My partner just told me they knew from the moment they met me and I also felt the same.
Before, my relationships have been a bit of a roller-coaster but this time it's calm, and in the past I wouldn't have gone with that but now it's just like something has clicked.

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 16/12/2020 14:54

I don't believe in 'the one' or 'knowing he's the one'. I suspect that many or even most women will have dated a man that they were convinced they knew was the one, but turned out not to be after all! But they'll still say they 'knew' in the case of the one they end up sticking with.

peachgreen · 16/12/2020 16:11

I didn't believe in "the one" either until I met him. Thought it was absolute nonsense.

Original poster
Peanutbutterjelly10 · 16/12/2020 18:16

Also the same @peachygreen I didn't believe in it and was like how do people know. I don't get it.
And then I saw them in person for the first time (we had spoken on the phone before) and well I can't even explain it. It was just easy and I felt happy and safe and that they just got me. I could just be my complete self and I felt all that on our first date and I've never had that with anyone else.

OP posts:
tigerbear · 16/12/2020 18:58

@Peanutbutterjelly10 totally the same for me.
All of my other relationships had been totally dramatic for all the wrong reasons.
With soon to be DH, things feel calm and stable.

CatAndHisKit · 16/12/2020 21:47

hilary thanks, great to hear it worked.

I wonder, did you ask him out because you knew he was interested (but unconfident) or was it more "I fancy/love the type so I must take my chances"? and has he then stepped up at some point or are you the leader in the r-ship?

peach yeah that's different, but glad that it was the first one for you wre you felt confident.

hillarypcof · 17/12/2020 22:33

@CatandHisKit those are very interesting questions and I have enjoyed the self-reflection it has induced, so thank you!

I think a bit of both. I didn't know him from Adam, but I had taken the time to learn enough about him to realise that he was different and "not like the rest" so definitely wanted to take my chances. I thought there was nothing to lose, so why the hell not! The worst he could do was say no.
I also gathered that he was slightly lacking in confidence, he would say things which indicated low self-esteem and I knew that he had been in a difficult relationship in the past. I was always determined to be the one to ask him out, but when he said to me "I really want to ask you out but I'm scared you'll say no" (hahaha bless him) I took my chance! And here we are now :-) 💕

You definitely wouldn't know that I made the first move. I think it was the confidence boost he needed. He has definitely stepped up during the relationship and to this day makes me feel like he is working hard to impress me! It is a great dynamic. Very happy. :-)

P.S He will often make comment as how sexy he found it that I made the first move, but this didn't even occur to me at the time! xx

Ibizafun · 17/12/2020 23:20

I was more cautious second time round but it was a slow realisation over time when I saw how he reacted to the usual shit life throws at you. Always doing the right thing never caring what others think, empathetic, intelligent and generous.

AliceMcK · 17/12/2020 23:35

I remember the first time I met my DH I remember thinking o what a god awful surname I’d hate to have that, yet I still took it after we married 🤦‍♀️

Was slow though in as we didn’t get together or date when we first met as we were both in relationships. We were friends for several years, the sort that socialise through mutual connections. We hadn’t seen each other for a long time then had a chance meeting one day, we were both single at the time, the chemistry was electric and that was it we were living together with a baby on the way within a couple of months.

HPD76 · 17/12/2020 23:37

We had been online friends for a number of years with not even a flirt, we’d both fancied each other for a while before we met but never said. Met up for a drink just as friends as he was visiting my town for work. Nothing happened, not a flirt or a kiss or anything, just two people having a really good time.

About a week after I plucked up the courage to message him to say I quite fancied him and would he like to go on a date and see how it went. He then confessed he’d fancied me for years.

After our first date I thought to myself I was going to marry him, he thought the same. We’ve a pandemic keeping us apart at the moment, but we are ring shopping and making plans.

In answer to the question, he makes me feel valued and interesting, he makes me feel safe and adored and we spend most of our waking hours messaging each other (we live 3 hours apart). After 18 months he still gives me butterflies and when I think of him I’m like the heart eyes emoji. I make myself a bit sick. I’ve never been happier with a partner.

peboh · 17/12/2020 23:46

Is my husband the one? I don't know, as I don't believe in the one. Is he my person right now? Yes. Do I see him as my person for a long time? Yes. However for me I don't like the idea of the 'one' because life is never straightforward, and anything can happen that could change that. I wouldn't want that if something happened to me my dh to stay alone for every because I was his one. That's a lot of pressure to put on another person, not just in the risk of death either but also in life. The pressure of not being allowed to change and grow because you may suddenly not be your persons one.

username1724 · 18/12/2020 00:19

He just felt so familiar, it was bizarre. I know it sounds cringe but it was a bit magnetic for us both really. We ended up falling into a relationship rather than pushing it, it was so easy and mutual. We then had an unexpected miscarriage 3 months into our relationship and he was brilliant. He can be a shit sometimes but hes always been there when I've needed him. We ended up moving in together without a real discussion, same with TTC. It wasn't underhand or anything just we both felt things progressing naturally at the same time and we both went with it without question.

Love Reading everyone's stories!

CatAndHisKit · 18/12/2020 02:35

thanks hilary for the in-depth response. YesI was hoping to hear that he's eagerly picked up the initiative - just as it should be (unless it's a couple where a woman really loves to lead and husband enjoys it) as otherwise you'd wonder if he's just taking an easy route.

But that was a proper come-on fom him, saying he'd love to ask you out - he was brave enough after all, haha. I've saked men out with no knowledge at all whether they like apart from a vibe of sorts - but so far none turned into an LTR, the few ltrs I had where when I was not as keen at the start. The trouble is, I'm noting like as patient as you taking time to know them) and I like to just go with my imfatuation. So in your case, you did exactly the right thing - asked him out yet without rushingand with emcouragement from him Wink .

CatAndHisKit · 18/12/2020 02:36

sorry for dreadful typos - bit late!

yvanka · 18/12/2020 03:30

I was very insecure in previous relationships and thought that was just how I was, but I have never doubted DP's feelings once or suspected anything. He is clearly crazy about me and I am about him, too. It's easy, uncomplicated and makes me feel good.