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Original poster

How did you know you had found "the one"

135 replies

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 11/12/2020 15:00

I always find these threads lovely. So how did you know? Was it a instant feeling, more or a slow burner? Was it something they did that made you realise?

I think after 30 years I've finally found my one! I have never felt this way before. And I felt it from the moment I met them.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 12/12/2020 19:59

You do just know. I met DH my first night at uni. We moved in together 3 days later. We were together until the day he died,16 years later, at the tragically early age of 36.
It’s been nearly 30 years since then and I brought our two babies up alone and never remarried. He is irreplaceable.
DH healed all the damage from my emotionally abusive parents. He taught me the meaning of love, he did more than a fair share of chores, he came to the hospital after work and cooked my dinner for me every night I was on call, he did the babies nappies and baths, he showed me how to be a good parent.
Even when he collapsed with the brain haemorrhage that killed him, he didn’t shout for help “in case he woke the babies” - he lay paralysed on the bathroom floor until I woke up and went looking for him.
He wasn’t just “the One”, to me, he was one of God’s angels. And my dearest wish is to see him again when I die.

tinselvestsparklepants · 12/12/2020 20:28

I just read the title of the thread and heard DH downstairs singing "I'll protect you from the Hooded Claw..." does that count? Grin

JonHammIsMyJamm · 12/12/2020 20:38

My husband believes in the One. I don’t. Grin. He’s a romantic. I’m a realist.

It’s too much of a coincidence that I managed to find my ‘One’ and he happened to be local-ish, English speaking and available. A whole world of almost 8bn people and we found our ‘One’? Hmm

Don’t get me wrong; we love each other to bits and I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone else I’ve met so far. He’s a good fit for me and I him but I don’t believe that we are the uniquely placed to make the other happy or whole.

MitziK · 12/12/2020 20:51

I turned him down when he invited me to spend the night with him. He kissed me on the forehead and walked me home.

peachgreen · 13/12/2020 17:05

@babdoc I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds like mine. I hope we both get to see them again and be happy.

Babdoc · 13/12/2020 17:56

Peachgreen, I saw your post - your DH was the same age as mine, wasn’t he. They say only the good die young, but that is no consolation when you have lost your soulmate.
I do believe we will all be reunited with our loved ones. There is a comforting bit in Revelations ch 21, verse 4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow nor crying. “
DH’s granny was also widowed young, and she said after 50 years of widowhood “I’m not a very good Christian. I don’t much mind about meeting God - but I do so want to see my husband again.”
I know exactly how she felt!
I hope you have good support from family and friends as you come to terms with your bereavement. It’s not something one ever “gets over” but we learn to live with the grief, and the pain does ease a bit with time. God bless.

peachgreen · 13/12/2020 18:51

Thank you @babdoc. One of my main comforts is knowing that he is reunited with his beloved mum and grandma, and the baby that we lost. I have wonderful support and am very blessed in that way - I've been provided for in a way that even my most secular friends say is uncanny! - but as you say, not much is very comforting when your soulmate has gone. Thank you for your kind words.

Hannah199y · 13/12/2020 18:57

The first night we met and there were no awkward silences, the conversation flowed and felt like I knew him before

U2HasTheEdge · 13/12/2020 22:52

I don't believe in 'The One'. Too much of a coincidence that the one tends to live in the same town as you.

However, I knew when I first spoke to my now husband that I wanted him in my life in some form. I found him mesmerising and the chemistry was intense. He was (and still is) one of the kindest men I have ever met. Things moved very quickly and I knew I wanted to marry him because we just worked, I loved him and we accepted each other, warts and all. I also fancied him like mad and 15 years down the line I am still madly attracted to him.

Could I have met someone else the same night and had the same chemistry and pull that developed into love? Very likely.

hillarypcof · 13/12/2020 23:00

What a lovely thread! I love these kinds of posts too :-)

My "one" is simply amazing - he makes me feel like nobody has ever made me feel. I am ALWAYS thinking about him, for all the right reasons. We laugh, giggle, chat, flirt, cry, (have amazing sex!) bicker like man and wife but he just feels like "home" - it just feels magical. Your gut tells you this is right 💕💕💕

P.S no awkward silences, and it feels like you've known them a life time.. xxx

Original poster
Peanutbutterjelly10 · 15/12/2020 08:40

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories, so nice reading through 😊 nice to have some positivity on this board

OP posts:
wimhoffbreather · 15/12/2020 11:40

I think ‘the one’ as a concept is flawed and reductive. Finding love is exciting and wonderful. How depressing that some people think that it could only be one person ever.

Original poster
Peanutbutterjelly10 · 15/12/2020 11:58

Some people do find their "one" and are happily with them for the rest of their lives. It's not sad at all

OP posts:
letsnotscaretheneighbours · 15/12/2020 12:00

I can be me completely, no filter. We have an 'easy' relationship even though we've had some very trying times.

SillyMoomin · 15/12/2020 12:05

I realised I wasn't daydreaming about what he may say or do... creating romantic episodes in my head or thinking that's what he may have meant when he said XYZ.

There were no games, he just told me how he felt, it just felt like a natural fit, like he'd been there all along.

Took me a long time to find him. I'm glad I waited, and didn't just settle for anyone else out of fear. He's my best friend, my champion, my lover, my secret keeper, my adventurer and my comforter. I don't feel the need to "show off" about him - he's just bliss :)

letsnotscaretheneighbours · 15/12/2020 12:58

@SillyMoomin I love that

wimhoffbreather · 15/12/2020 13:10

@Peanutbutterjelly10

Some people do find their "one" and are happily with them for the rest of their lives. It's not sad at all
I didn’t say it was sad to find the one and be with them forever Confused that’s not what I said at all! More power to you if that is the case for you.

I just think it’s sad that people believe there is only one person out there for you. What if you don’t find them? What if they die? If you break up does it mean your love wasn’t real? Are other types of love less legitimate than romantic love?

I guess it’s just that I believe love comes in so many forms. I thought I had met the love of my life, we were together for a long time. Our relationship didn’t work out, and now I’m with someone else, who I also love with all my heart, and can picture being with forever.

I would find it so reductive to think that the man I’m with now can’t be the love of my life because I had one before.

Babdoc · 15/12/2020 14:44

Wimhoffbreather, you ask “What if the One dies?”.
Well, in my case, and that of Peachgreen, our DHs did both die, at 36.
I have grieved my wonderful DH for nearly 30 years, and raised his two babies alone. He is irreplaceable and I have never remarried.
Grief is the price of love. As a Christian, I hope to be reunited with DH when my time on earth is done.
Husbands are not disposable or replaceable - at least, not if you’ve found your One. Your soulmate.

wimhoffbreather · 15/12/2020 14:57

I’m so sorry for your loss @Babdoc, it sounds like the love you shared with him was and is truly beautiful and once in a lifetime Flowers

I’ll ask for my posts to be deleted as I don’t think it’s in true spirit of this thread. Sorry to anyone I offended.

MaMaD1990 · 15/12/2020 15:14

Me and my now OH had finished in serious relationships at the same time, but didn't know each other. I moved back home and started Internet dating to get myself back in the game so to speak. We spoke for a week or so, he asked me out, we met in a pub and stayed there until closing. Went for a second date a few days later from 9am till gone midnight and we've never been apart since (aside the odd days he's been away for work). We had our first child before our second anniversary and are now engaged. He is the love of my life and I knew from the second I met him.

Babdoc · 15/12/2020 15:55

Wimhoffbreather, please don’t feel the need to delete anything! I was not offended, just explaining how I felt. You are absolutely entitled to your opinion, and I’m a firm believer in free speech. One of the joys of MN is the diversity of opinion and exchange of views.

peachgreen · 16/12/2020 00:23

@wimhoffbreather You don't need to delete! It's very interesting reading other people's opinions.

Babdoc and I share the horrific experience of losing our soulmates young but while I hugely admire and respect her decision not to remarry, I hope that one day I will. I don't know if it will be someone with whom I enjoy the same level of connection - at this point I feel it's very unlikely - but I also don't believe that all non-soulmate, non-"The One" relationships are unhappy. Plenty of people on this thread have said that they're very happily married but don't believe their spouse is "The One".

I am a Christian too and I believe God made my husband to be with me and vice versa. But equally I believe God has a plan for me, even if I can't understand that plan, and I believe - and hope - that could include someone else coming into my life. I also know that's what my late husband wanted for me as he told me before he died.

CatAndHisKit · 16/12/2020 03:02

Lovely thread.

I wonder if any of the posters who've found their soulmate, or 'knew on day one' and how easy it felt, have actually initiated / asked him out first?

hillarypcof · 16/12/2020 06:27

@CatAndHisKit I did!! It felt great, and to this day he loves that I made the first move :-)

QuantumJump · 16/12/2020 06:36

When I met my DH it was a slow burn thing. We were young (early 20s) and had lots of other things going on (working hard, socialising hard, he lived abroad for a while) so it took us a while to get serious and we'd been together for 5 years before we got engaged and moved in together. Now married for 17 years and still adore him Smile