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Original poster

I asked my boyfriend what he thinks of my body and he says dunno it’s alright!

180 replies

Namechange1983 · 02/12/2020 07:41

I was asking because he’s had a mix of girls in the past, some big some small. Wasn’t really a great response was it? Or should I have not asked. He could have just said something nice tho.

OP posts:
notanoctopus · 03/12/2020 03:47

I think it's odd he came out with that. I also don't think it's odd you asked that question in that context. He's tone deaf at best.

WokeUpBecauseIWasWarm · 03/12/2020 04:23

The only acceptable answer in a situation where you're lying in bed naked with someone is that they are sexy or perfect or beautiful or some variation of that.

Even if it's not true?

Would some women really rather be lied to if it means they just hear the words they want to hear?

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 03/12/2020 04:48

I've read all your posts op and the more you talk about him, the more dimwitted, nasty and unattractive he sounds.

I could forgive the clunky response to the compliment prompt, but not someone who is crap and selfish in bed, shags girls because they like cars (??), accuses his exes of being crazy gold diggers, or can't speak to you kindly when your feelings are slightly hurt.

You know you don't actually like him very much. Stop worrying about what he thinks of you, stop responding to his texts and move on. He just sounds foul.

Seafog · 03/12/2020 05:05

Maybe he likes you, but just isn't into your looks?He maybe likes you enough not to care about it, and isn't prepared to pretend to be else wise

You said you were not for fishing for complements, but then said he should have said you were sexy, which is asking for a complement. Is it more important that he finds you sexy, or is honest?

lovescaca · 03/12/2020 05:06

I get what ur saying op, being a new relationship and all, you'd think he would be a bit more enthusiastic. It's dsnt sound like a very satisfying relationship and if this is the start then I would run x

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 03/12/2020 06:59

I personally don’t think 8 weeks in he has enough information about me to be having sex because of my personality. Yes we chat a lot but the beginning of relationships are always a bit more physical aren’t they?

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechange1983 · 03/12/2020 07:01

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want your boyfriend to find you attractive it would make me feel more attractive in bed to him otherwise now I would be a bit like hmmmmm I’m not sure what he’s thinking when he’s looking at me.

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 03/12/2020 07:52

He should say nice things even a animal roar would be better than derp derp I dunno.

What else do you do together besides sex?

Kimjong · 03/12/2020 08:03

It’s not a great response but men can’t win nowadays when it comes to stuff like this. I had a boyfriend who used to talk about my body all the time and it got the the point where I thought he only valued me for my looks and body!

NotTooLongToGoNow · 03/12/2020 08:08

I can't imagine ever asking a man what he thought about my body!

I know what I look like. I know my good bits and my bad. Why would I ask someone else? I wouldn't expect to hear something good in response and I've never had a compliment regarding my body. I think it's quite am arrogant thing to ask - you wouldn't ask unless you were expecting to hear a compliment in response which is why you were disappointed by it.

Surely you know what your body looks like. Why seek validation?

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 03/12/2020 08:21

I’m not asking his opinion on my body I’m asking him to say something sexy in bed. My body is ok.

OP posts:
OutwiththeOutCrowd · 03/12/2020 08:36

I think the point is that he should be making you feel like a million bucks. It could be through words. It could be through gestures. But in a new relationship something in his behaviour should be making you feel there is no need to even ask what he thinks of your body. It’s obvious!

Maybe this man just goes through life being underwhelmed by everything - but that’s his problem, not yours.

Judging from what you have said, I feel you could really do with someone with more oomph, not this passion-rationer!

coronaway · 03/12/2020 10:06

I seem to be the opposite of the OP in that I would find it flattering someone was intimate with me but not obsessed by my body. In the past I've often assumed men only were interested in me because of my body which didn't make me feel great at all.

Namechangednorth · 03/12/2020 10:32

Asking a question like that is probably not for someone you have been seeing weeks but I'm surprised at how crass he was. Any guy is really setting himself up if he says anything other that positive.

I asked my DH this once before we got married...whilst he was very complimentary generally, he also told me about one part of me that was the the best and most attractive he has ever seen (and played with!). What reassures me is that years later he still makes the same compliment when we are having sex

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 03/12/2020 10:55

think some of you are mis understanding what happened. I wasn’t asking him for an honest opinion of my body because I don’t want it, I can see my body, it’s ok. I was simply being cheeky I mean he had my bum in his hands and I just was like how does my body feel. I really expected something more.

OP posts:
eandz13 · 03/12/2020 10:59

I understand OP. My body is pretty boring, pretty flat chested, had 3 kids, nothing particularly 'pow!' about it except the cellulite. If I asked my partner what he thought of my body, though, he'd say welllllll shit it's absolutely banging, you're a straight 11/10 etc etc... even though we both know it's not the case. I'd be miffed with that response too!

unicornsnowflakes · 03/12/2020 11:05

@eandz13 💯 agree with your reply

unicornsnowflakes · 03/12/2020 11:15

@Namechange1983 I don't get the other pp comments,
Im blown away with all the blaming you for asking a question and oh he doesn't sound bright lol what's being bright got to do with anything

My ex dp laid next to me with his dad belly feeling unattractive asking if I still find him sexy.
Yes 🙌🏼 of course I do is the response!!! I don't say ' Well the 6.4 bloke i dated before you, who regularly attended the gym was more my type'

And we all know this.

CorianderQueen · 03/12/2020 11:19

And tbh I don't even think it's was fishing for compliments, it was flirting.

I ask my partner for compliments all the time because I want them and he gives them gladly. That's what a relationship is - communicating needs. Sometimes admiration from your lover is a need.

Since when was asking for your partner to express his enjoyment of your appearance a no no?

@WokeUpBecauseIWasWarm well firstly - as her boyfriend he should think she's gorgeous and like her body. And secondly, yes, I'd rather my boyfriend called me the most perfect creature he'd ever seen than say 'wel I preferred you 7lb lighter'.

Who the fuck wouldn't??

CorianderQueen · 03/12/2020 11:19

@Kimjong

It’s not a great response but men can’t win nowadays when it comes to stuff like this. I had a boyfriend who used to talk about my body all the time and it got the the point where I thought he only valued me for my looks and body!
They can easily win - by complimenting your body when appropriate and your mind/personality when appropriate. A man with a shred of intelligence, social skills and respect for you can handle this naturally.
june2007 · 03/12/2020 11:23

I think the question should be more what do you like about my body? Because I don,t have the best body but I know what bit my husband likes. But to be honest he is the first man I have ever asked this to. Because attraction is more then just about a perfect/attractive bod.

coronaway · 03/12/2020 11:24

For those of you who prefer it if their other half lied when complimenting you does that extend to other parts of your life too? For instance would you be offended if he didn't like your FIL? I'm just curious how far you wish the lying to go?

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 03/12/2020 11:28

Yes yes yes if he asked me I would easily be able to say something nice because I’m sleeping with him because I find him attractive whether he is or not it doesn’t matter. I love his hairy chest and arms.
How can we be comfortable and flirt with each other’s bodies if i know he thinks I’m alright. Can’t send sexy flirty pics or that because I’m just alright to him....spoilt it really.

OP posts:
CorianderQueen · 03/12/2020 11:29

@coronaway obviously not, stop being obtuse. Why would someone be having sex with you and be in a relationship with you if they didn't find you beautiful? Even if empirically they know you're not a model they find you attractive and they love you. Maybe even because they love you. So they should be able to compliment you.

Why would you want your lover to say 'not really, your body is average' to you after sex?

I know my partner thinks I'm stunningly beautiful, but if he tells me I'm the most beautiful girl or have the best bum in the world I know it's not technically true. I still don't consider it a lie, it's just hyperbole to flatter.

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 03/12/2020 11:29

People are acting like this is some long term relationship or marriage. I’m only just getting to know him. We talking flirty talk in bed.

OP posts: