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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I asked my boyfriend what he thinks of my body and he says dunno it’s alright!

180 replies

Namechange1983 · 02/12/2020 07:41

I was asking because he’s had a mix of girls in the past, some big some small. Wasn’t really a great response was it? Or should I have not asked. He could have just said something nice tho.

OP posts:
firesong · 02/12/2020 17:11

There's no stage for wit, OP! It's welcome at all times here. But yeah, mustering a compliment about your arse wouldn't have been that hard

ZolaGrey · 02/12/2020 17:16

@Florelei

I think if he'd have said "I like it" then that wouldn't have been enough. I think that if he'd been too effusive then she wouldn't have believed him.

He's just had sex with you. He's cuddling you. Why on earth would you start fishing for his inner most thoughts on your body? Seems like a quick way to pushing the self destruct button on your equilibrium really. Which it has done, hence the post here and the "it left me feeling deflated" and the comparing herself with the other women he's been with.

Hiding to nowhere.

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 02/12/2020 17:16

No I wouldn’t have been pissed off with any nice positive answer.

OP posts:
firesong · 02/12/2020 17:17

Just read about the crap sex and lack of interest in pleasing you in bed Sad - sounds rubbish. I think you might get more joy with a new man. Or a vibrator

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 02/12/2020 17:20

Jesus I wasn’t interrogating him it was light hearted whilst sat on him do you like my body. And if people read the post I did not bring up the girlfriends he did telling me he had now set type.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 02/12/2020 17:30

This thread is mental. I'm very ordinary looking but can't imagine having sex with a new partner and him not saying I was gorgeous, sexy etc. It would just be weird.

That's the entire point of the early stages, to give each other lavish compliments. God knows they dry up eventually but it's a sad day when you can't expect your new bf to be in thrall to you.

HopeAndDriftWood · 02/12/2020 17:34

Well, you know what he thinks of you, now. If you hang around, it's knowing that he doesn't think much of your body, and would have to lie to compliment you.

It's probably not where you wanted to be this evening, but that was the occupational hazard of asking the question... and now that you know, you can make a decision on if you're happy to carry on being with him.

RantyAnty · 02/12/2020 17:51

Good grief dump this selfish idiot.

Read YoniAndGuy's post at least 10x.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/12/2020 18:05

@ZolaGrey

There is literally no way he could've answered and you not have been pissed off at him.
Huh? If he had said "your body is great" or "it's sexy as fuck" or anything positive she would have been happy! He basically said meh. Yeah it's silly to fish for compliments, but she wasn't asking for much'
Runmybathforme · 02/12/2020 18:12

I can see why you’re a bit upset OP, unless he was joking of course. Is that possible ? I would expect him to say “ you’re gorgeous darling “. Whether it’s true or not is completely irrelevant.

Woolwichgirl · 02/12/2020 18:39

Sorry OP he was very rude and insensitive..Surely he could have just said "Oh you look good..Doesnt take much effort to say the basic rather than the shabby response of 'dunno you alright.'.

Pinkyandthebrainz · 02/12/2020 19:04

You sound very insecure

Original poster
Namechange1983 · 02/12/2020 19:10

Look I’m not insecure but I don’t want to have sex with a man that thinks I’m alright I’ll do for now. I want him to think I’m sexy other wise what’s the point.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 02/12/2020 19:56

@Namechange1983

Look I’m not insecure but I don’t want to have sex with a man that thinks I’m alright I’ll do for now. I want him to think I’m sexy other wise what’s the point.
Absolutely reasonable. Don't settle for crap sex with a man who's too dim to compliment you. There really is no point.
Onedropbeat · 02/12/2020 20:00

My DH would be so upset if I told him his body was ‘alright I suppose’

It’s nasty

hadesinahalfahell · 02/12/2020 20:21

My XP would have given a reply like that, simply because he's really thick. A bit like this man. Although actually he had more sense than to say something like that 8 weeks in, it sounds like the sort of comment someone would make in the final death rattle months of a stale relationship.

user1481840227 · 03/12/2020 00:06

@ZolaGrey

There is literally no way he could've answered and you not have been pissed off at him.
That is not true. The only acceptable answer in a situation where you're lying in bed naked with someone is that they are sexy or perfect or beautiful or some variation of that.

I recently had a FWB who showered me with compliments on my body each time after sex, because that is completely normal and natural during playful pillow talk.

I picked up on the fact that my FWB seemed a bit insecure about his body so I made sure to compliment him too because that's what you do, especially when it's someone you care about.

This isn't a "does my bum look big in these jeans" type question...this was while they were wrapped up having pillow talk!

hotsouple · 03/12/2020 00:28

What man doesn't have a positive response to give his partner about her body? Fuck that. I would never make a loved one feel bad about or was ambivalent about their body, especially someone I was in a sexual relationship with.

user1481840227 · 03/12/2020 00:45

Exactly @hotsouple

He's lying there with a pair of ass cheeks in his hands and the op said I said oh thats the first you’ve paid attention to my ass you not an ass man then to which he said don’t think so. Then he said something about his ex partners being all different sizes and that he he didn’t have a type but never been interested in size of ass.

Any normal man would have made a nice comment about her ass seeing as he was cupping it at the time!!Confused instead of the weird little comments he did make.

With my FWB recently I jokingly asked during pillow talk did he not like my right boob because he had only touched the left one... I'm laughing now thinking of the odd responses I would have got if it had been the OP's man Grin

Titsywoo · 03/12/2020 00:54

Christ people have low standards for relationships. I've been with DH for 20 years and he tells me every day still how much he loves my body (and it's a 4 stone overweight body so not the 'standard' perfect figure). Who cares if you were fishing for compliments? Be with someone who adores you and tells you so. Don't settle for less. Dump immediately.

IdblowJonSnow · 03/12/2020 00:57

Oh come on people. It's not hard for even the daftest of blokes to say nice boobs/bum/legs/elbows whatever.

Could he have meant to put you down OP? Some blokes like their partners to feel insecure or needy. If he has form for that bin him off. If he can't be arsed to compliment you when you've just had sex I'd also consider binning him off!

WelliesWithHeels · 03/12/2020 01:26

@ukgift2016

Dump him. He sounds like a total twat who thinks his a 'player' yawn.

He sounds like a red pill guy, he is negging you. These men are emotionally retarded, move on.

I agree with this (and with PP who said that his negging will take various forms as time goes on). Right now it's too early to accuse you of only wanting his money (plus it sounds like you don't need it) or talk about kids so you can "trap" him, so he has resorted to acting like your body is nothing special and also insulting you by pretending to sleep instead of enthusiastically making sure you have a good time in bed, too. You ask why he would sleep with you if he wasn't super into your body. Well, it sounds like he gets what he needs out of it--sex and a strong woman he gets to make feel insecure or questioning. I'd also be curious who pays for dates and whose house you generally spend time at and who is the bigger earner. Men who brag about being so desirable for their wealth and claim multiple women are trying to trap them generally have a leased 3-series BMW, still live at home, and have a PS5 at the top of their Christmas list.
WinWinnieTheWay · 03/12/2020 01:42

I would have been upset at that response too Op.

On MN looking for positive affirmation from your partner is frowned upon.

katy1213 · 03/12/2020 01:59

Well, he's clearly not the articulate type - but it was a stupid question.

DPotter · 03/12/2020 02:19

I don't think 'Dunno - it's alright' is neither a diplomatic or a safe answer.

I safe, diplomatic answer is 'I think you're gorgeous' or even a straight 'I love you'. 'It's alright' is very grudging.

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