Just walked out - feel horrible and don’t know what to do

[Satinacarpark]

My DD is 9 and has spent most of today raging at me. I’ve been kicked, doors have been kicked, screaming, I hate yous and been called a demon. This is because she wouldn’t come off the computer when asked, and was given a time out. My partner never backs me up when a time out is called, or challenges her behaviour, in - what I would say - is a proactive way. After been told again this evening by my sautéed that I am the ‘most horrible evil person in the world’, I asked him to speak to her. He simply went in the room and moved his computer out. He said he was waiting until she calmed down to speak to her. But it doesn’t ‘feel’ like that - I just feel completely unsupported. So I back my things, my babies things - and left. I’m now sitting in a car park. What do I do now?

Sautéed?? Daughter!

check in to the novo hotel or some budget hotel for a night.
You need a break.

Packed - not back. Sorry I’m all over the place...

Have you got your children with you ? Yes I would try to book a budget hotel somewhere, try to get some sleep and have a serious conversation tomorrow about what you would like support to look like moving forward.

I’ve only brought DS. DD was distraught when I left.

DS is 1.

If you can go to your parents or even outlaws for a night, just to press reset on the situation I would.

I've had really tough times with both my kids. I know it can be very hard/. I'm a single parent, so nobody in my corner but the betrayal of a partner NOT backing me up would be so much more upsetting

I said I would go to my mums, but she’s just had major surgery. I think budget is my best option. But not sure what the restrictions are on using a hotel in lockdown?

Honestly, I don’t think that’s very nice for your daughter and it’ll shake her quite seriously especially as she’s 9. She won’t understand - she won’t have that emotional maturity to get it.

So, please go home. Don’t punish her in such a way.

Then tomorrow is a new day.

No - this is the thing - the impact it’s having on her.

Leaving was not the right thing to do. That could be very damaging for your daughter. You need to go back.

Regarding the deeper issue, is your partner her father?

Yes - he is.

Your daughter's behaviour is unacceptable and needs addressing however if she was distraught when you left with the baby, will she understand that you haven't walked out permanently? Perhaps the shock will help her see the result of her actions today. Being in a car park at night with a baby isn't the best for you both so have a think about going back home where you'll be safe and warm so you can think - and talk= more clearly in the morning. Take care.

You should call dh to let him know you are safe and why you left. I would still try and go to mums. She doesnt need to do anything for you or lo. What area are you in.

Your child is only 9, and she will very much be acting due to the circumstances and parenting around her.

from her point of view, her mum has walked out with her younger brother - and she doesn’t know what is going on.

This will make her feel incredibly insecure and you’re effectively emotionally blackmailing her into trying to “behave”.

I think it’s cruel to be honest.

Stay in a budget hotel.
She needs to know who is in control and it's not her.
It's one night that's all.
If you go back tonight she knows that she would have got away with it until the next time.
Kicking you, kicking doors and screaming is totally unacceptable.
It's very hard but she needs to know some boundaries and your DP needs to also learn as well.

Storming off to a hotel isn’t really teaching a 9 year old how to behave is it? It basically will make her feel insecure and her mum will only stick around if she’s “nice”.

I feel sorry for the kid. Yes she behaved badly, but the issue is the dp not backing up the OP. The kid clearly needs consistent boundaries.

Sorry, also meant to say, that this horrible year has taken its toll on everyone and children can't always articulate how they are feeling. When you talk with her, do it while you are holding her, or at least sitting close, and make sure she knows you love her unconditionally,
however she needs to treat you with respect and love too.

Can you go to a McDonald’s drive through and get a hot chocolate, sit and drink it and take time to calm.
I have twin dds age 9 and they don’t talk to me like that. That’s not a brag. I’m just disagreeing re emotional maturity from posts above. At 9 she may need support calming but she needs to know the line. Tonight you’ve showed her. Take an hour and then go home. Say I love you and I’m always here for you but you cannot treat me like that. Your words hurt me. If she’s ready to apologise then let her, if not run a bath then go to bed leaving dh to sort dd and ds.

I think he did the right thing tbh. He removed the cause of the behaviour and the thing she wants (( the computer )) and realises that she can't be spoken to until her head stops spinning and she calms down. Because nobody is rational when they're in a state.

I'd have done exactly the same......she wouldn't be going on any devices or pcs for a long time either.

It sounds like you've had enough and that's fine. Take a breather then go back and work on a way to move forward.

She’s a very confident, articulate girl. She absolutely never feels that her behaviour is at fault. She gets 9 minutes to think about her behaviour and address what went wrong - but it usually takes 27 mins before she’ll admit to any wrong doing. She spends most of the time saying how evil I am.

My mum did this on several occasions when I was younger. In my mind at the time, she was walking out on us because of my behaviour. I didn't understand nor trust that she would come back.

Please don't do this to your daughter. You run the risk of raising a very insecure and anxious young lady.

And I just feel so at sea, because it is just me enforcing the time out. DP was just moving his monitor out so he could work - it was nothing to do with addressing her behaviour.

She’s 9.
Her words won’t be how she actually feels, you have to understand that surely?
Not sure why you’re taking them to heart to be honest. My DH is a bit like this and it says more about him than our dcs.

When my kids are calm etc we have a conversation about words and behaviour but there’s absolutely no point in getting into a battle with a 9 year old.

You should go home. Show her how she should behave - storming off is not it.