Older men are pissing me off.

[Meruem]

I had given up on dating but met a guy through a friend, he seemed ok so I thought fine I’ll give him a chance. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

It’s just been the same pattern. After some time of thinking maybe we get on I get the old “my ex wife was so vanilla in bed” ignoring the fact that the ex wife left them because maybe they were a useless man child or whatever else was the issue. Suddenly they were the ones who were so unsatisfied with their sex life, even though they’d have stayed in the marriage if they could.

Suddenly I am meant to turn myself into porn star extreme to try and “catch” a man that another woman has rejected for. being a useless partner. Honestly, is this all there is? I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another msrrisge reject with porn fantasies.

I feel pretty dejected right now.

OP I'm with you here! I'm trying to go it alone after my last date, a divorced guy in his 40s spent the entire time trying to get in my knickers and has sent vile texts since banging about about putting his 'sperm in me' he didnt want to know anything about me as a person. He's well educated as am I, so you'd think we could chat about something! I'm done with it as online dating is just gross!

Yeah, I'm with you too, OP.

Pornsoaked fantasies; desperate for someone hot and half their age; expect you to feel grateful they lowered their standards for you; ED.

I remember when the 'lie back and think of England' approach to sex was considered lazy. It now seems to he desired. Men don't want you to bring your own thoughts and ideas to the bedroom anymore. They want someone they can enact their porn fantasies on/do sex to and watch themselves doing it until job done.

Sorry ladies you need to be more discerning with your dating choices!!!

Sunflower1970

Bit patronising 🙄

You can't possibly know what someone is like until ou have dated them for a few weeks.

They don't come with a warning sign around their neck.

Have a rule when you meet...no sex for two months this. I think that will show who is interested in you as opposed to just your knix

Oh I am with you here OP.

A few weekends ago a friend and I went out (not in UK before anyone slates me) and we met two older men and got chatting. The one sitting next to me then proceeds to rub my leg, we had been chatting about an hour prior to this, and I gave no hints that I was interested whatsoever. So I move his hand away and next minute he moves to my bum, and then says...... does that feel good to you....

I replied no not really, to which he then upped and left.

Sigh.

I am staying single that is for sure.

@Sunflower1970 a lot of these men look perfectly respectable, have families, have good jobs. They don't all look like dirty perverts. I think this is a modern phenomena that's getting worse.

Have a rule when you meet...no sex for two months this. I think that will show who is interested in you as opposed to just your knix

It makes little difference tbh.

They can still be interested in you and prepared to wait and then be just like this.

Besides, sex isn't a reward for well behaved men 🙄

Urgh. It's not just the older ones with this prurient little attitude. So many completely fixated with sex. Which is ok if they are open about just wanting that. It's the arrogance of wasting my time when I've been clear I am looking for a serious relationship and not interested in casual 'fun' that drives me mad. And then acting as though they are some uniquely exciting sexual free spirit and I am a stick in the mud for not wanting to jump into bed or actually in one recent case, be felt up in the street on a first date. So off-putting.

a lot of these men look perfectly respectable, have families, have good jobs. They don't all look like dirty perverts. I think this is a modern phenomena that's getting worse.

I agree with this totally. They have friends and families who they treat well and are respectful of; they are decent men in every other respect; in my experience they are completely respectful in the way they speak of their exes yet it makes no difference. I think their views on what is normal and their expectations have become totally warped.

*a lot of these men look perfectly respectable, have families, have good jobs. They don't all look like dirty perverts. I think this is a modern phenomena that's getting worse.

I agree with this totally. They have friends and families who they treat well and are respectful of; they are decent men in every other respect; in my experience they are completely respectful in the way they speak of their exes yet it makes no difference. I think their views on what is normal and their expectations have become totally warped.*

Agreed. I end up wondering why they think this lapse in their good behaviour should be shouldered by the women they date. I agree expectations are damaged by porn, especially the storylines where women seem delighted to shag complete strangers and put on a show. Not saying I have never slept with someone I've just met but the desire to do so doesn't override what I'm actually saying which is that I want to get to know someone for a relationship, not have sex straight away.

6 months before I had sex with boyfriend
And we were engaged by then
We are still married 27 years later
It was unusual at the time ,as it is now ,as I had intended to wait till marriage
Even if I was dating now ,I would do the same again

I don't agree with the waiting for sex theory! If you find a decent one, it makes zero difference when you have sex.
I 'put out' on the first date (not really my style but couldn't resist) and my now dh was attentive, respectful and definitely not just looking for sex.
I agree it's grim out there my single friends say every single man they date are clearly watching porn and their expectations are pretty dire

I feel you too.

I’ve had enough and have this theory men on these dating sites etc come in only two varieties. Those that want to ‘save you’ from what I don’t know exactly but think they’re the best things ever, you should be utterly grateful for them and drop to your knees in their presence and are frankly dangerous imo.

then there’s the other who run a frelling mile once they realise you’re a fully formed human being with cracks and repairs and history and wants and desires and aren’t going to be their ‘mum’ with the bonus of fantasy sex.

Give me a normal man who is all about satisfying me first but sadly they don’t exist anymore. I think dating has ruined any possibility of me finding anyone remotely normal because there’s just too much awfulness to wade through and life’s too short to be dealing with this. I’m tired of it.

Somebody told me that men watch a lot of sort of situation porn and actual believe that its real. Like they can wander up to somebody on the street and just suggest going for an orgy and stuff. The People Being Dumb as Fuck crises just gets worse and worse.

Even if I was dating now ,I would do the same again

Assuming you're in your 40s/50s, you wouldn't find someone willing to wait that long now so either they'd dump you, you'd dump them or they'd be shagging other people on the side.

Tbh, I wouldn't want to wait 6 months. I'd rather find out they were like this early on and get rid.

I don't agree with the waiting for sex theory! If you find a decent one, it makes zero difference when you have sex.

I agree.

But, not only that, it's not that these men are just looking for sex, many of them do want a relationship too. It's more that their understanding and expectations of what sex looks like has changed.

Many of them quietly feel they were naive or foolish to be 'respectful' of women and waiting in their youth, or regret tolerating periods of low sex when their children were young, and that they have missed out on something other men have enjoyed for 20-30years.

They believe it was just their wives who were unadventurous or doing sex wrong. They genuinely believe that other women are up for the sex they see in porn.

Everyone who find themselves single in middle age after a long relationship has an expectation of what they're willing to accept now. We all tighten up our expectations! It's just that, for very many men, their expectation now includes 'porn sex' as normal whereas women are often more vigilant for things like kindness and loyalty.

Give me a normal man who is all about satisfying me first but sadly they don’t exist anymore

Oh they do. All the men I've dated over recent years did this but then still expected me to perform the porn sex for them afterwards.

They took the attitude (I think) that they'd done their bit for me and now it was their turn to do what they liked to me and watch themselves doing it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sex has increasingly become something men do to rather than with you.

Even the ones who didn't push for it, who were respectful, who waited for me to initiate, who were responsive... still defaulted to porn sex when it was happening for them.

The best sex i have ever had was with a man who didn't watch porn at all who was 10 years younger than me (33 and 43). I know he didnt watch it and I know the reasons why but it's his business so I'm not going to share here. The sex was naive and innocent and loving and gentle. He was open to being more adventurous so we were but I was always mindful of his comfort. I did more adventurous stuff with him than with anyone else because it felt right and loving and safe. He wasn't technically competent but he 'listened' and responded to me. It was something we did together. It lasted for a year and was the best (and only truly good) sex I've ever had.

I haven't dated, because I've been married for years, but my 2 single friends say exactly the same, and that it's just grim. Really worrying.

I've had this same thing, men seem to slate their exes in bed as a way to cause some sort of competition for their new partner. It's just weird.

Have you all met my exh. His number one complaint when we split was in too vanilla (since been told I'm not!) There were other complaints but my unwillingness to have threesomes etc seemed to be high up

I'd shorten that heading to "Men piss me off".
I'm very happy living alone.

@Sunflower1970

Sorry ladies you need to be more discerning with your dating choices!!!

Yes let's all blame the women for the behaviour of men.

Disgraceful for a woman to say it of all people

I have two friends who gave up on men after long unsatisfying marriages and children. They're both now blissfully happily married to a woman. So my top tip for the day, go gay!

I really don't think this is an age-related trait.

Men of any age can be lovely or can be utter arses.