Older men are pissing me off.

[Meruem]

I had given up on dating but met a guy through a friend, he seemed ok so I thought fine I’ll give him a chance. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

It’s just been the same pattern. After some time of thinking maybe we get on I get the old “my ex wife was so vanilla in bed” ignoring the fact that the ex wife left them because maybe they were a useless man child or whatever else was the issue. Suddenly they were the ones who were so unsatisfied with their sex life, even though they’d have stayed in the marriage if they could.

Suddenly I am meant to turn myself into porn star extreme to try and “catch” a man that another woman has rejected for. being a useless partner. Honestly, is this all there is? I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another msrrisge reject with porn fantasies.

I feel pretty dejected right now.

@Mermaidwaves - I think it works both ways. Want the same (I think it’s a low bar) but just think the majority on apps don’t, for whatever reason.

[quote Mermaidwaves]@stout yes I think a lot of divorced men just dont want to commit again, they've already done it. Where the answer lies I dont know. I don't want to get married again or maybe live together.

I would like to meet a man to see once or twice a week, have a meal out, watch a film on the sofa, have a laugh and enjoy some nice sex. But I want him to do that with only me, and not be looking every minute he gets on the dating apps for a better offer. I can't find this! So I'm giving up.[/quote]
I'd be happy with that. It's what I do with current partner. Well we meet a bit less frequently but that's due to current circumstances.

@StillCantSleep

Even if I was dating now ,I would do the same again

Assuming you're in your 40s/50s, you wouldn't find someone willing to wait that long now so either they'd dump you, you'd dump them or they'd be shagging other people on the side.

Tbh, I wouldn't want to wait 6 months. I'd rather find out they were like this early on and get rid.

I don't agree with the waiting for sex theory! If you find a decent one, it makes zero difference when you have sex.

I agree.

But, not only that, it's not that these men are just looking for sex, many of them do want a relationship too. It's more that their understanding and expectations of what sex looks like has changed.

Many of them quietly feel they were naive or foolish to be 'respectful' of women and waiting in their youth, or regret tolerating periods of low sex when their children were young, and that they have missed out on something other men have enjoyed for 20-30years.

They believe it was just their wives who were unadventurous or doing sex wrong. They genuinely believe that other women are up for the sex they see in porn.

Everyone who find themselves single in middle age after a long relationship has an expectation of what they're willing to accept now. We all tighten up our expectations! It's just that, for very many men, their expectation now includes 'porn sex' as normal whereas women are often more vigilant for things like kindness and loyalty.

Very well articulated. So true.

I’m certainly not a man hater. I just want to be treated with respect in and out of bed. I enjoy sex but no I don’t want anal or to be strangled or have a “facial”. If that makes me “vanilla” so be it. I just don’t understand why men don’t seem to realise that porn is, for the most part, acting. That so much of the stuff they see is faked.

In the context of a loving relationship I am open to trying some new things. But it’s this attitude from men that a pre requisite of having a relationship with them is that I have to be willing to do whatever they want in bed.

I'm tired of men claiming to be gentleman only turn the conversation towards sex within days of matching and asking intrusive questions

Sexual disrespect is the norm among men now even in those who genuinely believe they are different

Sadly I think it's not just the older men who are being ruined by porn.The whole Incel movement seems to be young men who truly believe that all the women around are having nasty porno sex with anyone who asks except them. I've read some of their posts and they absolutely hate the female sex for not giving them the sex they think they deserve.

Regarding the ubiquity of the FWB thing- I think this ties in with what I said earlier. The media (magazines aimed at women are especially guilty of this) and social media pedal the idea that sleeping around and shagging as much as possible is the ultimate lifestyle for everybody. The thing some people are most terrified of is being judged as sexually 'unadventurous' or whatever synonym they want to use.

This directly relates to men thinking acting out some porn type sex will put across that they're exciting and adventurous, open minded. This whole 'Sex Positive' shite has a lot to answer for in my opinion.

By all means, people do that if thats what they want, but they shouldnt pretend it doesnt have mental effects or change people's behaviour, especially with the porn mentality. And they shouldnt try to drag everybody along with them. I did ONSs at a young age because it was sort of the done thing as I say, but it was just bloody terrible, really bad when I had no connection to them. Id really rather sort out that itch myself and be left alone in peace when im out of a relationship.

@DudefromThatLondon

Don’t think it’s all of us. I don’t really see the appeal of strangulation and porno type stuff. I mean you’re supposed to like the person you’re having sex with right?

This.

I dunno, I may be unusual in this but it's the slow intimacy of foreplay and the post-coital glow that I miss. The sweaty grunty bit in the middle is just sex. I miss making love. Sex I can do on my own.

I dunno, I may be unusual in this but it's the slow intimacy of foreplay and the post-coital glow that I miss. The sweaty grunty bit in the middle is just sex. I miss making love. Sex I can do on my own.

Absolutely!

Most men around are like that. Porn addicted dickheads. Yuck.

The younger ones just want daily porno style photos to be sent to them

I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another marriage reject with porn fantasies

Oooof.... 😂

That made me chuckle op

Let's not forget the ones who are 'seperated' or 'sexless'.😬

Yep most of them don't want to commit to a relationship anymore and just want to chase tail.

Last year I over heard a conversation between two men in their forties about dating. One lamented he had been too picky in twenties and wasted a lot of opportunities. Then they both agreed that the younger the woman the less picky they are now. So basically bag as many younger women as you can...

I'm glad Im not a man hater

I'm not sure why not wanting someone to cum on my face, be strangled, have virtually no contact sex as someone hold my legs out of the way and watches their dick going in and out of my vagina or have someone stick their dick up my arse means hate men

It's boring at best and disrespectful at worst. When it's happened, I've lain there wondering what I'm supposed to do. Do they care it's not doing anything for me? Am I supposed to pretend it is?

Is it acceptable to start counting cobwebs on their bedroom ceiling..?

I agree with this. Before I got married I did OLD and used to get most of my messages from older men. I was 27 and one man was 58. After I said I wasn't interested in his dirty opening line that was something about me giving him oral sex, he called me a weirdo and then went on to pick apart my profile. He said good looking girls like you should give average guys a chance because you're all stuck up princesses and you're never going to find happiness unless you lower your standards.
I found it really common that the older men on there were sleazy and entitled. Maybe they're trying to prove something to themselves but it's tragic.

@Crystal87 so you replied back "my previous comment still applies" then surely.

Or this princess ain't prepared to kiss no slimy frogs

@StillCantSleep

Perhaps we should all put the same pointers on our profiles so they get the hint!

What? Like...

^if you are only interested in porn sex and re enacting what you've seen online, then I am not the droid you are looking for"

?

Perfect profile quote!

frozendaisy

I'm seriously considering signing up to one now just so I can use it 😆

I'm really curious to see what the response would be!

Sex has increasingly become something men do to rather than with you.

This. So glad to have found this thread, as I started to believe I was the only prude that didn't want it up my bum. My ex husband was a daily porn user with expectations, the sex was terrible.

I thought it was normal until I got into the next relationship and had the best sex of my life, filled with love and emotional connection, and the missionary position! He never wanted anal, toys, always wanted to see my face when we made love, and always told me he loved me mid way during sex, isn't that divine? He didn't like porn at all but I found once photos of vaginas close up, which I think is a lot more appreciative of the female body, and yet I never had to give him one. He was perfect. Needless to say I never got over him.

Lovestoned

He does sound the best so far!

I've given up hoping for that. I think the answer, for me, is to just give up.

I want loving sex as part of a loving relationship. I might as well be saying I want a unicorn and a golden goose!

I think men and women are just fundamentally different and unless you find a really decent one, of which there are many, you will end up disappointed. Most men on dating sites at the older age end of the spectrum are failures. my friend tried FAB And had 170 messages within 5 mins of registering. In her profile she put that she would only reply to people who made some effort in their reply. 165 of them didn’t put more than a 4/5 word sentence. Some just sent a dick pick. Yes I get it’s a site for sex but most men on there think that a picture of their dick is going to be enough for a women to want them!

Judging by your experiences I am not surprised that you are dejected.

I have given up.

I lost the love of my life two years ago. The sex was loving, adventurous (as much as we discussed as we went along) reciprocal, connected and mutually satisfying. We talked about things, we tried things. It was the best I ever had.

Since then I have had:

One seemingly lovely man who I had loads in common with, who seemed really gentle and affectionate. Didn't kiss me until the second date and then did it sort of nervously. When I invited back to mine for the first time after a few weeks of dating - he came through the door, stuck his tongue right down my throat and forced his hand straight down my knickers before I'd even shut the door, Saying 'you've got fantastic tits and this is all I've thought about since I met you.'

Next one... similarly promising. Took it quite slowly. Had one night of 'normal' connected, satisfying sex only for him to wake up the next morning, whip out a massive bag of dildos, masks and nipple clamps and asked if I wanted it 'like the filthy whore you are.'

Then...one who I really clicked with. Who discussed my feminism with me (it is on my profile as an interest), gave some points of view on the damage porn has done to sex in general and then admitted to being a bit turned off by my (really not very extensive) stretch marks following my 2 children (who he knew I had) because he finds flat tummies the biggest turn on. He also tried to choke me during sex. When I objected he said 'sorry. I have had girlfriends who only like vanilla sex before and it's ok. I can do that if it's all you want.'

Gee. Thanks for making me feel like I'm selling you short there, dude. I am so grateful for the offer of sex without strangulation.

I just want my ex back (or someone similar). I am NOT boring in bed. I'm really not. I just don't want to be demeaned, used or dehumanised to get someone off.

Three men in a row is not down to my bad choices. I think it's actually a widespread problem and I'm not sure how better to screen for it.

I've told this story before but earlier in the year I was out shopping, and the carrier bag started to break. It was also raining so I was squashed against the side of Wilkinson, awkwardly balancing this bag on one knee, in the pissing wet. A perfectly reasonable looking, well dressed man passed by and said to me "I'd swipe right", to which I replied that he could fuck off. The comment really depressed me - I don't want to online date, so I don't. I disapprove of porn and porn culture. I have never and will never be on Tinder. Yet I am, because to this man and others I am a walking tinder profile, not a person. The only question my struggling in the rain inspired was is she a swipe right or swipe left. Worse, he clearly thought it was a compliment and he might get something from it. It's all so depressing.

The second time I ever had sex, aged 19 (2 years ago) the bloke I was having a ONS with asked me if I would choke him (yeah bloody right he was twice my size) or like to be choked

I am yet to have good sex, but haven’t given up hope just yet!