Older men are pissing me off.

[Meruem]

I had given up on dating but met a guy through a friend, he seemed ok so I thought fine I’ll give him a chance. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

It’s just been the same pattern. After some time of thinking maybe we get on I get the old “my ex wife was so vanilla in bed” ignoring the fact that the ex wife left them because maybe they were a useless man child or whatever else was the issue. Suddenly they were the ones who were so unsatisfied with their sex life, even though they’d have stayed in the marriage if they could.

Suddenly I am meant to turn myself into porn star extreme to try and “catch” a man that another woman has rejected for. being a useless partner. Honestly, is this all there is? I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another msrrisge reject with porn fantasies.

I feel pretty dejected right now.

There are some out there. I have one of them (he's 47, I'm 35) and he's not like that at all
They do seem to be few and far between though

I’ve friends who are single and in their 30s/40s. They have pretty much all come to the conclusion that porn user+ tinder user = red flag/don’t waste your time.

The magical combo of the 2 things creates a bizarre twisted mentality. The unrealistic sex element plus the expendable woman. The men can be perfectly pleasant in other areas of their lives but they are useless at having a proper relationship. It’s pretty sad really. They think they are some sort of open minded sex gods, but the reality is they are ruined.

My friend knows him and “recommended” him as in their circle he is known as one of the good ones, always willing to help people out, decent, kind etc. And yes he is all of those things. As a person he’s great in a lot of the ways that count. He doesn’t want one night stands or fwb. He wants a relationship. But, I’ve come to learn, he also wants porn sex.

until now I thought that the way he is out of bed would reflect in the bedroom. As in a mutually loving, respectful experience. Turns out I was wrong and he wants to try out everything he’s seen on screen.

Absolutely. Time and time again, this is EXACTLY my experience.

@Bumfuzzled

I’ve friends who are single and in their 30s/40s. They have pretty much all come to the conclusion that porn user+ tinder user = red flag/don’t waste your time.

The magical combo of the 2 things creates a bizarre twisted mentality. The unrealistic sex element plus the expendable woman. The men can be perfectly pleasant in other areas of their lives but they are useless at having a proper relationship. It’s pretty sad really. They think they are some sort of open minded sex gods, but the reality is they are ruined.

Yes, that phrase. "They are ruined". So true. When sex stops becoming a special thing and changes into some kind of addictive self indulgence.

I think women need to be clearer about how undesirable men are once they go down this path. I dont know who they are shagging, since most women who seem capable of articulating an actual sentence avoid them like the plague.

My once lovely, degree and private school educated, with a trust fund, ex left me for a woman on benefits who lives in a filthy flat.

The sad thing is, I can see it in his face now. He has that hard look, the shifty eyes, the rough skin. Although I did find out he had been an active Tinder user in the past, so perhaps he wasn't ever as innocent as he seemed.

An older man I'd met once in a group was pestering me on FB messenger was pestering me repeatedly to meet up. I'd actually been told by two male friends to be wary of him because he was a serial shagger, as in huge numbers of ONSs, and I wasn't interested anyway because he's 18 years older and pretty old/grey/wrinkled. But he kept pestering me, so in the end I told him what I knew all about his reputation and that I wouldn't be interested in a serial shagger like him in a million years, and then blocked him.

Beamur if you enjoy pretentious nobs on dating sites, please check out the Indie Softboi Instagram. Its bloody brilliant.

www.instagram.com/beam_me_up_softboi/?hl=en

Then he was really surprised when I didn't want to see him again!

Did you tell him why?

I don't to avoid the insults...

Perhaps we should all put the same pointers on our profiles so they get the hint!

What? Like...

^if you are only interested in porn sex and re enacting what you've seen online, then I am not the droid you are looking for"

?

@StillCantSleep

Then he was really surprised when I didn't want to see him again!

Did you tell him why?

I don't to avoid the insults...

I just didn't speak to him again, other than to vaguely say "hi, how are you?" and sweep past when he sought me out. (we didn't swap phone numbers and he turned up at my running club, thankfully only once). Not my idea of boyfriend material.

I think women need to be clearer about how iundesirable men are once they go down this path. I dont know who they are shagging, since most women who seem capable of articulating an actual sentence avoid them like the plague.

They're all online bemoaning the female sex and asking why no one is interested in them. They don't get it at all.

This strangling thing that seems to have become main stream among men (has it?) is terrifying. Even just strangling somebody a little bit and once can cause them to have a stroke months later.

My once lovely, degree and private school educated, with a trust fund, ex left me for a woman on benefits who lives in a filthy flat.

The sad thing is, I can see it in his face now. He has that hard look, the shifty eyes, the rough skin.

What the fuck? Are you usually so disgustingly classist? You can't IMAGINE why an educated man might prefer a working class woman to yourself?

Porn freaks aside...that statement just shocked me Greenland

Yeah my eyebrow went through the roof at that as well

@FortunesFave

My once lovely, degree and private school educated, with a trust fund, ex left me for a woman on benefits who lives in a filthy flat.

The sad thing is, I can see it in his face now. He has that hard look, the shifty eyes, the rough skin.

What the fuck? Are you usually so disgustingly classist? You can't IMAGINE why an educated man might prefer a working class woman to yourself?

Porn freaks aside...that statement just shocked me Greenland

She's not working class FortuneFave. She's long term unemployed but actually privately educated herself. Her father tops up her benefits and her rent. And I know all this because he did actually make a point if telling me who he had cheated on me with.

The problem is for me is that once i am aware that a bloke is watching far too much porn behind my back and especially if they lie about it, I totally go off them sexually, doesn’t mean I don’t like them as a person but the romantic/sexual interest evaporates. It would be far easier not to give a shit- but my head just doesn’t work like that. In my experience too much porn oversexualises many men, and older men are just as bad (except you often fancy them less too) they suddenly think it’s ok to be waking you up by stroking your arse or wanting one specific ‘thing’ all the time. To be honest in my late 50s my tolerance for this just isn’t there. I can see why many couples end up splitting up after many years of marriage with sex related incompatibility

Greenland either way...it makes you sound like a terrible snob. I lived in a 'filthy flat" for a while with DH and our children...and I just KNEW there were people out there who would judge me for it. It wasn't our fault the flat was filthy. It was poorly maintained. And you shouldn't judge people on benefits and say you can 'see it' in their faces...which is what you were saying about your ex...as if merely by associating with that woman, he'd brought himself down.

@user1471565182

Somebody told me that men watch a lot of sort of situation porn and actual believe that its real. Like they can wander up to somebody on the street and just suggest going for an orgy and stuff. The People Being Dumb as Fuck crises just gets worse and worse.

We have the unenviable tasks of explaining, in time not just yet but not that far into the future, to our male children that pornhub isn't real! Arse fucking is not to be "expected" that pubic hair might exist...........oh lord.

I'm glad Im not a man hater

Sunflower 1970
Good for you. Lots of guys like the ones on this thread will be delighted to meet you.
I like men too, several of them I love very much. I particularly like men who treat me with respect and kindness.

It doesn't make you a man hater to deplore this behaviour a lot of us are experiencing! Bloody hell! Are we supposed to put up and shut up to look woke and cool?

I’m afraid acting woke and cool has meant that many men act as per this thread. A lot of women seem desperate to be with someone/anyone and put up with behaviour that totally is beyond what they are ok with- why ? you may ask- it’s the usual suspects in a lot of cases- kids-money-housing and not wanting to be on their own. A lot of men realise this and hence their thinking they can get away with constant porn, sexting, hookups, - a vast cornocopia of sleazy behaviour because in the past some woman probably ‘has ‘ put up with it or they ‘got away’ with it.

@Mermaidwaves

Absolutely agree that the majority of divorced men want to keep their options open, and only want lots of FWBs arrangements. I stupidly agreed to one of these and got dumped for a younger girl he actually liked. Never again!

A generation or so ago FWBs didnt seem so common. I think it was generally accepted that you were seeing each other and that was it. How has FWBs become such a massive thing?

I think there's a lot of truth in your post Mermaidwaves. But to be clear I go for women around my age.

Everyone's experience will be different but after my marriage it would take a lot to commit to a new relationship fully. I would be prepared to but when I start to see the red flags I quickly run for the exit as I don't want another committed
relationship like with my ex wife.

I cant say I identify with the sexual preferences stuff but obviously feel sympathy for the posters encountering this.

Not sure what the answer is I think once my kids have grown up I will probably feel different but so much of modern day relationships seem to be built entirely around a woman's wants and expectations and I think a lot of blokes just think 'fuck that'. I see it with my Dad and his partner (post divorce partner). He caves in to her controlling behaviour all the time. I just can't understand it.

Don’t think it’s all of us. I don’t really see the appeal of strangulation and porno type stuff. I mean you’re supposed to like the person you’re having sex with right?

@DudefromThatLondon

Don’t think it’s all of us. I don’t really see the appeal of strangulation and porno type stuff. I mean you’re supposed to like the person you’re having sex with right?

I thought so too!

@Sunflowergirl1

Have a rule when you meet...no sex for two months this. I think that will show who is interested in you as opposed to just your knix

Id say longer, told my OH 6 months.. he waited.. he proved he was a good egg and equally he respects me more i feel

@stout yes I think a lot of divorced men just dont want to commit again, they've already done it. Where the answer lies I dont know. I don't want to get married again or maybe live together.

I would like to meet a man to see once or twice a week, have a meal out, watch a film on the sofa, have a laugh and enjoy some nice sex. But I want him to do that with only me, and not be looking every minute he gets on the dating apps for a better offer. I can't find this! So I'm giving up.