Older men are pissing me off.

[Meruem]

I had given up on dating but met a guy through a friend, he seemed ok so I thought fine I’ll give him a chance. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

It’s just been the same pattern. After some time of thinking maybe we get on I get the old “my ex wife was so vanilla in bed” ignoring the fact that the ex wife left them because maybe they were a useless man child or whatever else was the issue. Suddenly they were the ones who were so unsatisfied with their sex life, even though they’d have stayed in the marriage if they could.

Suddenly I am meant to turn myself into porn star extreme to try and “catch” a man that another woman has rejected for. being a useless partner. Honestly, is this all there is? I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another msrrisge reject with porn fantasies.

I feel pretty dejected right now.

@lollipoprainbow

And I've met an older man who doesn't want sex at all

And I've met one that's a little shocked at times by me They don't all want porn sex

Am I the only one here who enjoys a bit of rough sex now and again

Also I don't agree with those who suggest waiting for X amount of time before having sex. Either you're sexually compatible or not so I personally would rather get this out the way sooner rather than later.

@coronaway

Am I the only one here who enjoys a bit of rough sex now and again

Also I don't agree with those who suggest waiting for X amount of time before having sex. Either you're sexually compatible or not so I personally would rather get this out the way sooner rather than later.

Classy!

@coronaway

Am I the only one here who enjoys a bit of rough sex now and again

Also I don't agree with those who suggest waiting for X amount of time before having sex. Either you're sexually compatible or not so I personally would rather get this out the way sooner rather than later.

I'm in complete agreement! (I love it a bit filthy at times too )

There's no accountability any more. In dating days gone by, you'd have had mutual friends or acquaintances in common, and word of his perviness would have got out.
Nowadays it's so random and impersonal.

Chewwithyourfuckingmouthclosed and JustSay

I think you'll note the key words in your responses are now and again and at times.

I'm sure if it were only and always you'd feel differently.

It’s not just older men, it’s really common amongst younger men OLD. They always have a high opinion of themselves, like they are lowering their standards when they should have a porn star/model despite the podgy bellies and small willies!

How has it come to this?

And what can be done to change it?

I remember a line a read from somewhere and every time I get a pervy comment, I always remind myself this -

"Women fuck who they want.
Men fuck who they can!"

And that is soo true.

@Joswis
Can I ask what lesbian death bed is please?

I’m with the PPs who say they’d rather find this out earlier rather than later. I wasted a lot of time on dating sites chatting to guys for ages before meeting, only to find out a couple of dates in that they had porny sex expectations, or if they made it to the bedroom couldn’t perform due to porn making normal sex disappointing.

You can spot many early on in chatting, quite a few by meeting in person after a week or so of chat, but some are apparently fine in every other way until you get in to bed.

Met my now (lovely) DP on online dating, have to say it was a numbers game. I went on a shitload of first dates that had obvious red flags, it was pretty soul destroying.

I wrote this post after a couple of glasses of wine and when I was on a rant. Hence the eloquent thread title! But it is actually really sad to find so many of us have had these experiences I genuinely don't know what the answer is. It seems to be a case of the genie is out of the bottle now and I can't see how we can reverse it. Except to keep dumping men like this and hope the message sinks in. Sadly I'm not sure it is. The irony is that instead of this sex they think they "deserve" they will end up getting none at all!

[quote nancybotwinbloom]@Joswis
Can I ask what lesbian death bed is please? [/quote]
Basically just that they get bored of having sex and stop, or find it very difficult to really get going 🤷‍♂️
It is a thing for some long term lesbian couples but also for some long term straight couples I think??

I mean I feel like choking a lot of people in my day to day interactions but in the bedroom? ... nah. 😂

I've had my adventures but anyone who put their hands around my neck during sex would be having their balls stuffed and mounted on the wall like a fucking hunting trophy.

Just. no.

@yetmorecrap

I’m afraid acting woke and cool has meant that many men act as per this thread. A lot of women seem desperate to be with someone/anyone and put up with behaviour that totally is beyond what they are ok with- why ? you may ask- it’s the usual suspects in a lot of cases- kids-money-housing and not wanting to be on their own. A lot of men realise this and hence their thinking they can get away with constant porn, sexting, hookups, - a vast cornocopia of sleazy behaviour because in the past some woman probably ‘has ‘ put up with it or they ‘got away’ with it.

This 100% hits the nail on the head.

We women have much more power than we think but too many just choose to give it over to men. Men follow what we accept and the standards we set.

Just look at some of the porn threads on here. The number of women who say they're fine with men using pornography, and therefore accepting or even embracing its horrifyingly objectifying and misogynistic content and industry, is shocking considering the damage it does and people's awful experiences described here. I just wish more women were vocal about all this. We don't have to put up with it ladies!

@Meruem

I wrote this post after a couple of glasses of wine and when I was on a rant. Hence the eloquent thread title! But it is actually really sad to find so many of us have had these experiences I genuinely don't know what the answer is. It seems to be a case of the genie is out of the bottle now and I can't see how we can reverse it. Except to keep dumping men like this and hope the message sinks in. Sadly I'm not sure it is. The irony is that instead of this sex they think they "deserve" they will end up getting none at all!

Well them getting none is what they deserve. If women steer clear of them, don't have sex with them, don't have relationships with them, don't kids with them, then by default they will change their behaviour or end up being alone/very limited options (and will naturally cease to be a problem in time).

The second prong is addressing the porn culture directly which is what they're all feeding on. Women are half of the population (and not every man uses porn anyway) so we need to start making it socially unacceptable and vocalise the damage it does to women and to relationships/marriages etc. The relationship breakdown it causes indirectly affects children too. We also need to educate our sons about porn and how damaging it is to women, and how what is being shown is absolutely NOT how women are like in real life, or how they want to or should be treated.

@Forwardingoff

It’s not just older men, it’s really common amongst younger men OLD. They always have a high opinion of themselves, like they are lowering their standards when they should have a porn star/model despite the podgy bellies and small willies!

Yes their perspectives are altered sadly because if you properly research porn, you will see that it actually re-wires the brain. It changes the way you view women and sex. This is why just telling boys/men "it's not real life" doesn't work because the reality is that the re-wiring happens regardless. People need to actually stop watching it, or not start watching it in the first place.

Let’s be frank porn has been around from when it was magazines and videos in the 70’s and before then in other forms . I found it under my dads bed— the difference is that if blokes had been reading dirty hardcore magazines most days (and I dont mean playboy ) or slotting really hardcore videos in the VHS most days then most women would have thought they were total sleazes and not put up with it if aware if it , unless forced too by economic circumstances . Even if they did ‘live with it’ They certainly wouldn’t have been going round saying ‘well all
Men have needs’ etc . I appreciate some women don’t give a shit- and that’s fine- but don’t moan when you end up with the kind of blokes as featured above or find out that’s now the ‘norm’ and you are now 48 and don’t find it quite so ok

Yes absolutely agree yetmorecrap
I also think it’s important to note the change in the intensity and availability of porn since the internet
Many women will state that they watch porn and or have no issue with it but I always wonder how many of the pro porn women are watching or cool with the huge amount of barely legal , incense and degrading porn that seems that have such a HUGE audience nowadays
I think a lot of men are watching this really damaging and degrading type of porn

I've just blocked another one today. It was one from when I was on Tinder (before I deleted it) that I'd forgotten to block and erase. Started out normal ish then turned to sex talk. Tried to get me to agree to meet up and then go back to mine if we had chemistry, told me hadn't "cum" in 3 days and said if I did meet up "I'd get a nice surprise at the end".

This delightful specimen is in his early thirties. This is the reason I will no longer do online dating.

Although is he actually worse than my ex who acts like the perfect man, invites you round for dinner, cooks for you, perfect boyfriend for a couple of months, makes you think you've found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, and then dumps viciously and very nastily when you don't see it coming? He's done it to me twice and to someone else I know! He even used the same wording when dumping and cooked the same first meal for us both. Tbh if he wasn't so over the top psycho when dumping, he wouldn't even be that bad.

Lamppostcat

I agree and I think a lot of women would be horrified if they saw what their partners were actually watching without them.

I think a lot of women are doing the equivalent of putting their fingers in their ears and going, "La la, I can't hear you," when it comes to accepting porn.

This thread is making me think of a French film on Netflix called I am not an Easy Man. Basically a rom-com based around a world where the gender norms are reversed, it's funny in parts and thought provoking in parts, also surprisingly shocking to see women behaving like men.

It's not just older men at all. The younger ones think it's normal.... the order ones i have come across seem to know they are pushing it somewhat.

No problem with a bit of kink. Quite like a bit of spanking, anal occasionally (at my own request only) tho Obviousley not going to enter straight into that with someone I don't completely trust.

I don't actually think it's just porn that's causing this. I think it's a lack of respect for women. I don't know where this shift has come from just to see woman as sexual objects and not even got to know them. The dating culture now is horrible

Lesbian bed death has a lot of additional psychology behind it too, all tied up with having a partner you are more psychologically similar to since you're same sex, and also with the Electra complex/mum identification.