Older men are pissing me off.

[Meruem]

I had given up on dating but met a guy through a friend, he seemed ok so I thought fine I’ll give him a chance. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

It’s just been the same pattern. After some time of thinking maybe we get on I get the old “my ex wife was so vanilla in bed” ignoring the fact that the ex wife left them because maybe they were a useless man child or whatever else was the issue. Suddenly they were the ones who were so unsatisfied with their sex life, even though they’d have stayed in the marriage if they could.

Suddenly I am meant to turn myself into porn star extreme to try and “catch” a man that another woman has rejected for. being a useless partner. Honestly, is this all there is? I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another msrrisge reject with porn fantasies.

I feel pretty dejected right now.

Oh god yes to the PP who said about middle aged men acting like schoolboys online. They do all ask if you do anal or have a shaved fanny and you can almost hear them giggling about it pathetic!

I have two old friends who have also become lesbian in their late 30s and also couldn't be happier. They appear to have a mature, equal relationship. I'm so envious!

A good friend of mine got divorced in her late 30's;when she started dating again she dated men mainly in their 40's and my god what a time of it she's had;these blokes who are mostly divorced/come out of LTR's are the worst,they suddenly think their casonova and women should work hard to prove themselves and a lot of them are dating women but keeping their options open/dating other women.

A another friend whose in her 40's was strung along by a bloke the same age for ages;he kept saying to "he didn't believe in being exclusive/want another serious relationship" only to ditch said friend to persue some emotionally/mentally messed up but beautiful woman in her 20's.

A another friend whose in her 40's was strung along by a bloke the same age for ages;he kept saying to "he didn't believe in being exclusive/want another serious relationship" only to ditch said friend to persue some emotionally/mentally messed up but beautiful woman in her 20's.

Not to blame your friend but, tbf, the signs were there with this one.

They do all ask if you do anal or have a shaved fanny

Tbh, when I did online dating, I wasn't asked this once.

I went on a first date once where the man did tell me at the end, "FYI, I expect you to be fully shaved." Never saw him again!

I wouldn't even continue talking to someone who was so blatant. But a lot of them are intelligent or consider themselves decent enough to not do that but they still have the same warped expectations of else because they've come to believe its 'normal'.

Absolutely agree that the majority of divorced men want to keep their options open, and only want lots of FWBs arrangements. I stupidly agreed to one of these and got dumped for a younger girl he actually liked. Never again!

A generation or so ago FWBs didnt seem so common. I think it was generally accepted that you were seeing each other and that was it. How has FWBs become such a massive thing?

@Sunflowergirl1

Have a rule when you meet...no sex for two months this. I think that will show who is interested in you as opposed to just your knix

I agree that would be a good rule for ladies to follow. Not all of us men are bad !

I don't continue those conversations either, but normally they start off fairly nice and normal, they manage to drop this lovely stuff in after a little while. It happens very frequently to be fair and to many other women I know online dating.

I agree that would be a good rule for ladies to follow.

Again, women are responsible for managing the behaviour of men...

It's not just the older men! All I seemed to speak to on OLD were sex obsessed. I bagged myself a lovely older man who was nice and normal!

@FluffyHippo

Perhaps you should stop looking for relationships online. The vast majority of men on dating sites only have the kind of sex you're talking about on their minds when they register, so naturally that's what you're going to to be faced with. Why not start a relationship the old-fashioned way? You know, meet someone, become friends, become something more... then you'll be having sex within the context of a proper relationship with someone you know and love and you can talk about these things.

This. I'm am older man. 60+. Married (to a woman) but sleeping in separate rooms and neither of us fighting very hard to rekindle the flame. I wouldn't know how to start 'online dating'. It sounds horrible. From what I've seen - though I may be wrong - it really looks like an online version of the friday night, club meatmarket, cruising of my yoof.

I don't continue those conversations either, but normally they start off fairly nice and normal, they manage to drop this lovely stuff in after a little while. It happens very frequently to be fair and to many other women I know online dating.

I can well imagine! My point was only that watching out for this, or even not experiencing it at all, isn't a foolproof way of avoiding them either.

TheSandman

The problem is that men in the real world arent a different category to men in the online dating world. I haven't done online dating for years and only meet men in the real world nowadays. It means men are few and far between and exactly the same, in my experience...

Its so depressing isnt it! Again when I was younger guys wouldn't have dreamt of asking or insisting that we had shaved fannys, they were just grateful to see it! Where has the entitlement come from? It's like we've gone backwards.

A friend of mine had a go at OLD. God it was depressing. Basically full of pretentious knobs demanding non vanilla sex.
I actually preferred the chaps keen to show you their big fish (not a euphemism)

I think my point is really that even the men who aren't 'sex obsessed' or 'only interested in sex' have similar expectations of the type of sex they want and what constitutes as normal sex.

So they are happy to wait, don't push, don't ask intrusive questions, don't steer the conversation towards sex early on or send/demand photos but when sex happens, it's still disconnected, with their hands around your throat and focused on them 'watching' themselves do sex to you - performative sex - rather than developing a connection between two people.

@FluffyHippo

Perhaps you should stop looking for relationships online. The vast majority of men on dating sites only have the kind of sex you're talking about on their minds when they register, so naturally that's what you're going to to be faced with. Why not start a relationship the old-fashioned way? You know, meet someone, become friends, become something more... then you'll be having sex within the context of a proper relationship with someone you know and love and you can talk about these things.

You very good advice

Its so depressing isnt it! Again when I was younger guys wouldn't have dreamt of asking or insisting that we had shaved fannys, they were just grateful to see it! Where has the entitlement come from? It's like we've gone backwards.

Totally agree.

@TheSkysGoneOut

Besides, sex isn't a reward for well behaved men 🙄

😂

@StillCantSleep

TheSandman

The problem is that men in the real world arent a different category to men in the online dating world. I haven't done online dating for years and only meet men in the real world nowadays. It means men are few and far between and exactly the same, in my experience...

Gods, that is so depressing.

@Takethewinefromtheswine

You generally don't need to get very far into conversation before the late 40s male tries to get into conversation one of the following: do you do anal, can you send me a pic, or are you waxed? And no, it's not EVERY SINGLE MALE. Some grunt at you with monosyllabic responses then vanish. Middle aged men on the internet are like liitle boys in sweet shops, running back and forth excited by the huge array of options.

That's so depressing. They might be running around, but I imagine that many of them are running around disappointed. I suspect the worst of the lot will end up using prostitutes one day as they begin to realise that most women they contact are disgusted by them.

Middle aged men on the internet are like liitle boys in sweet shops, running back and forth excited by the huge array of options.

And then disappointed to find their pennies can't buy the fantasy lolly they think's coming their way. 😂

I bet we've all chatted with and been disappointed by a lot of the same fellas on here. Perhaps we should all put the same pointers on our profiles so they get the hint!

And then disappointed to find their pennies can't buy the fantasy lolly they think's coming their way.

I’ve read all the comments and agree with lots that been said. This wasn’t a guy I met online. My friend knows him and “recommended” him as in their circle he is known as one of the good ones, always willing to help people out, decent, kind etc. And yes he is all of those things. As a person he’s great in a lot of the ways that count. He doesn’t want one night stands or fwb. He wants a relationship. But, I’ve come to learn, he also wants porn sex.

We’re both 50 and up until now I thought that the way he is out of bed would reflect in the bedroom. As in a mutually loving, respectful experience. Turns out I was wrong and he wants to try out everything he’s seen on screen. Up until the sex part he’s also always been respectful when talking about his ex. They share teenage children and maintain a decent relationship, he never spoke badly of her etc.

It is just very disheartening. I can say no I don’t want to do the things being suggested. But once all that’s been expressed, how can I have sex with him knowing that there’s a bunch of things he’d rather be doing to me! And as someone said upthread, he wants to do things to me, not with me. I don’t want that. So all that’s left is to end it.

It's not just older men or men online! I met a man who was 6 years younger than me, a postgrad student, we went back to his and he was suggesting anal and trying to choke me the first ever time we DTD. Then he was really surprised when I didn't want to see him again!

I'm pretty sure my ex once lovely boyfriend who cheated on me ended it for someone who does kinky sex. I can't see much other appeal.

I like men with a little bit of innocence left. Not a lot, just ones that haven't been round the block so many times that women turn into objects to them.

I filter out the ones who do the sex chat before they even get near me, and have given up OLD as a result. It is just full of men who want to shag and dump, and if you aren't willing to send nude photos and talk about sex graphically, theyre onto the next one.

It's such a shame when you see someone like my ex turning into that older man who will soon be out there looking for the same experiences on OLD.