Older men are pissing me off.

[Meruem]

I had given up on dating but met a guy through a friend, he seemed ok so I thought fine I’ll give him a chance. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

It’s just been the same pattern. After some time of thinking maybe we get on I get the old “my ex wife was so vanilla in bed” ignoring the fact that the ex wife left them because maybe they were a useless man child or whatever else was the issue. Suddenly they were the ones who were so unsatisfied with their sex life, even though they’d have stayed in the marriage if they could.

Suddenly I am meant to turn myself into porn star extreme to try and “catch” a man that another woman has rejected for. being a useless partner. Honestly, is this all there is? I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another msrrisge reject with porn fantasies.

I feel pretty dejected right now.

@Joswis

And why shouldn't it, stout? Women are 50% of a relationship. A good woman cares about her man's needs. But that doesn't mean accepting degrading and violent sex against her will.

As you can see from the very many women who have posted here, we would rather be single than accept that.

Good luck picking from the tiny minority of women that do want that. I hope you're an adonis, because the 2% (or less) of women that do want it can have their pick of men and old, grey, fat and balding probably aren't on their list of desirable qualities.

Ok so if you read back earlier in the thread you'll see I don't identify with this sex porn trend and dont like it. I feel for women that have to endure it.

The point I was making is that for men that have been through a long relationship with kids and a difficult ex partner they will be cautious. Much like a lot of women. When you start to see red flags why hang around just to be with someone. I realise this is a mainly female board but I assume you appreciate men will think similarly in this regard.

Stout you are comparing apples and pears. Thus thread is about men who have non typical sexual wants, not about men who are wary of marriage second time round.

That said, men are also responsible for the choices they make in picking a partner. Women aren't a single homogenous bunch.

@GreenlandTheMovie

Stout you are comparing apples and pears. Thus thread is about men who have non typical sexual wants, not about men who are wary of marriage second time round.

That said, men are also responsible for the choices they make in picking a partner. Women aren't a single homogenous bunch.

In my defence I was responding to someone that had misunderstood my post and then projected certain assumptions. Pretty standard on this board think I'll leave this board in future.

Jesus, can women just have a conversation about the problem trend for violent, demeaning and physically dangerous acts imposed upon women in sex - without "whatabout the men!"?

Honestly.

I feel for women that have to endure it.

That's the thing we don't have to endure it. And we don't.

Many women just want a mutually supportive relationship and good sex with one man. That shouldn't be so difficult to find.

Oh god OP I dated one if these tweed clad respectable types who turned out to watch too much porn and had about as much sexual stamina as a dead dog yet thought he was an Adonis. Am still shuddering at the thought of him and his expectations. Am happily single and the thought of seeing another aul fella naked will keep me that way.

I think women are talking about this more and more. Unfortunately men aren’t.
I listened to a podcast about this exact topic today - Mamamia outloud where they flat out said men don’t know how to have sex anymore and it’s due to porn
Then they gave a great example of what happens when you watch too much porn by comparing it to cooking. The analogy was that the kind of sex you see in porn some people like it just like some people like to eat liver and kidneys. And if you just watched Masterchef and all they cooked was liver and kidneys you would think that this was normal and the idea of eating pasta with pesto wouldn’t cross your mind.

The cynic in me says that as it is talked about more, there will be pressure on women to deal with this issue for men by teaching them how to have sex rather than men taking some responsibility for their own actions and avoiding porn so they can establish meaningful connections
Which is not at all how it should be

I do feel that I had to train my bloke in how to please a woman. He was of the opinion when I met him that only PIV (or anal) was sex. Anything else was 'just' foreplay. He got a lot better but has gone back to his old ways.

Despite a LOT of discussion he's still too rough, doesn't understand really how to do oral. Consequently, there's no incentive for me to want sex with him.

if you are only interested in porn sex and re enacting what you've seen online, then I am not the droid you are looking for

Reading lots of depressing dating threads on MN I'd already decided to include a similar line in any OLD profile I make, to put my boundaries in black and white straight away. I love sex but I can't stand sleaze, hate how some men equate "passion" with roughness, and I get turned on by the sight of a naked partner but do not want a stranger to send me dick picks.

I've been out of the dating scene for a long time but it seems that finding a nice bloke is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You've first got to either bump into someone IRL (down to chance and rarely happens in my experience) or trawl online. Online is full of undesirables that you have to weed out before even deciding to meet, then you meet and many get sleazy so are rejected. Or they seem OK only to be awful in bed due to reenacting their favourite porn films. Or they're decent in bed but turn out to be incompatible or ghost you once you've got emotionally involved. You also run the risk of them getting weird and becoming stalkers, harassers or violent when breaking up with them. I'm not sure I want to take those risks for the sake of some potentially fun dates and sex.

I would be really interested to see how many contacts you get after adding that line to your OLD profile CandidaAlbicans2.

How hard would it be to invent an algorithm for a dating app that auto barred users from contacting other users with preferences set to disallow certain words and phrases used in previous messages to other posters?

So as soon as they sent a message asking for anal or other dirty sex talk, they wouldn't be able to contact other users who had set their preferences to disallow that.

Don't forget the point of the dating app isn't for people to find a suitable partner it's to keep people on the app for as long as possible and therefore to create more revenue. Most dating apps and sites are owned by the same companies so it's hard to move out of their ecosystem as it were.

I wonder if men and women will have increasingly different expectations from what they want out of dating/relationships and we will move further apart rather than compromising. All in all its highly depressing.

@Joswis

Yeah, I've had a relationship with a woman. But where men are obsessed with sex (until you want more than them), there is lesbian bed death. It is a known thing.

It really isn't. This stereotype was based on a very flimsy survey carried out in the 70s. It's never happened in any of my own long term relationships or those of my friends when we've discussed this so called phenomenon.

Silvergreen, well it happened to mine. I went to a presentation by Susie Orbach and she described it exactly.

Glad you haven't had it tho. It was a contributing factor in the end of a 15 year relationship fore.

@Joswis

Silvergreen, well it happened to mine. I went to a presentation by Susie Orbach and she described it exactly.

Glad you haven't had it tho. It was a contributing factor in the end of a 15 year relationship fore.

I get that sex dwindles in some long term relationships, but it simply isn't more common in lesbian relationships than any other.

No, true.

I do feel that I had to train my bloke in how to please a woman. He was of the opinion when I met him that only PIV (or anal) was sex. Anything else was 'just' foreplay. He got a lot better but has gone back to his old ways.

To be fair I don't think that's anything to do with internet porn. That's just what we were all taught and assumed "sex" was since long before high speed broadband existed. It took me decades of experience before the penny finally dropped that it isn't.

I'm coming from a position of ignorance being a bloke and having never done OLD, but my God this sounds grim. What planet are these guys living on?

Given how widespread both the experience and the negative reaction to it is, there must surely be sections of the OLD industry that have learnt to deal with it though, no? I mean, are there certain sites that filter out those kind of men, don't let people send dick pics, etc. etc? The law of supply and demand would suggest that if this is what so many women want, someone must provide a service for it.

I suspect that a lot of these men don't actually get sex, but its all about them getting a thrill from chatting to women about it FifteenToes.

There will be a certain type of women that responds to it, and/or is very grateful for any male attention, but I don't personally know anyone who wouldn't be disgusted or put off.

I haven't done OLD since the 1990s, but I don't remember it being that grim back then. Some men were disappointments for lots of reasons, their behavior in bed only being one. Others were okay but just not my cup of tea.

I didn't generally have sex on a first date but it was more based on the attraction I felt for the man rather than an arbitrary rule. One man I did sleep with on the first date seemed a bit shy and let me take the lead, which was nice. We've been married for 23 years and happily so.