Older men are pissing me off.

[Meruem]

I had given up on dating but met a guy through a friend, he seemed ok so I thought fine I’ll give him a chance. I wish I hadn’t bothered.

It’s just been the same pattern. After some time of thinking maybe we get on I get the old “my ex wife was so vanilla in bed” ignoring the fact that the ex wife left them because maybe they were a useless man child or whatever else was the issue. Suddenly they were the ones who were so unsatisfied with their sex life, even though they’d have stayed in the marriage if they could.

Suddenly I am meant to turn myself into porn star extreme to try and “catch” a man that another woman has rejected for. being a useless partner. Honestly, is this all there is? I genuinely don’t know why I interrupted my happy single life to waste time on another msrrisge reject with porn fantasies.

I feel pretty dejected right now.

@TheSkysGoneOut

Sunflower1970

Bit patronising 🙄

You can't possibly know what someone is like until ou have dated them for a few weeks.

They don't come with a warning sign around their neck.

No more patronising than your suggestion it's "men", as a blanket rule.

In my experience they don't need a warning sign around their neck, so who's right? I do not recognise the OP's statement at all, but I don't take that to mean NO men are ever like that.

I have two friends who gave up on men after long unsatisfying marriages and children. They're both now blissfully happily married to a woman. So my top tip for the day, go gay! grin

I wake up every morning praying I've gone gay overnight.

Yes let's all blame the women for the behaviour of men

I don't read it like that - she's reminding women that they have choices and that dating is the audition period for a role in your life. And that if a man (any age) shows traits you do not like, you can choose to walk away. No bmi get. Just making your own choices

No more patronising than your suggestion it's "men", as a blanket rule.

Speaking of all the men I've met/dated. And I'm assuming other women posting here haven't dated the exact same men I have so...

And I've met an older man who doesn't want sex at all

I don't read it like that - she's reminding women that they have choices and that dating is the audition period for a role in your life. And that if a man (any age) shows traits you do not like, you can choose to walk away. No bmi get. Just making your own choices

Totally agree with this. But it would also be nice to not have to walk away from all of them for the same reason! Can't speak for anyone else, but I don't stick around once they've revealed this but you can't know what they're like until you've tried them out!

And I've met an older man who doesn't want sex at all

Unfortunately, that seems to be the other side of the coin.

You generally don't need to get very far into conversation before the late 40s male tries to get into conversation one of the following: do you do anal, can you send me a pic, or are you waxed?
And no, it's not EVERY SINGLE MALE. Some grunt at you with monosyllabic responses then vanish.
Middle aged men on the internet are like liitle boys in sweet shops, running back and forth excited by the huge array of options.

Totally agree with this. But it would also be nice to not have to walk away from all of them for the same reason! Can't speak for anyone else, but I don't stick around once they've revealed this but you can't know what they're like until you've tried them out!

Yes, bit of a catch 22 isn't it? But still better talk away early on.

And I do wonder what life will be like for those dating younger men - picking up on the word 'porn' in the opening post. For 'older' men did not grow up with it. It was difficult to access (except in clip joints) until the introduction of the home VCR in the 1980s. And not on the internet until much later again. Men over about 50-ish did not grow up with it, as younger men are doing. If it is a case of porn warping a generation (like thread title is labelling a whole age group)then I would be looking younger

I waited for 6 months when I was a virgin but don't now. Te amount you wait doesn't make a difference but probably better to wait until yoube gotten to know each other and have developed feelings.

The last guy I went out with hadn't had sex with his ex wife for years so sex was important. It ended up fizzling out but it was fun.

My boyfriend now, we had sex very early on but he is amazing in every way and we also have a great sex life.

I tried to get to know the guys I met online first, spending many hours talking and messaging. You can suss out the ones who only want sex and move on.

Yes, and THEN, when you actually have non vanilla with your own needs and ideas, you end up being seen as too demanding.

I think it is a bit of an age thing. And I speak as an older woman.

@user1471565182

Somebody told me that men watch a lot of sort of situation porn and actual believe that its real. Like they can wander up to somebody on the street and just suggest going for an orgy and stuff. The People Being Dumb as Fuck crises just gets worse and worse.

100% true. I had a (in hindsight, sex addict lunatic) FWB who made me watch those Fake Taxi pornos and refused to believe it wasn’t a set-up. If you’re in a Black Cab, are you really gonna leave the meter running so a middle aged perv can hop in the back and shag you on the backseat? Might as well pay for a fit Gigolo and do it in a hotel bed so you can order room service and watch trash TV after he’s done and gone 😂😂😂

You generally don't need to get very far into conversation before the late 40s male tries to get into conversation one of the following: do you do anal, can you send me a pic, or are you waxed?

I've never been asked this in conversation with a man and I would cut off any conversation with anyone (online or in real life) if they started down these lines.

Like i say, the men I date are perfectly decent and perfectly respectable and respectful. I wouldn't get naked with anyone where there had been any warning signs and cut them off immediately. But once sex is underway, the same behaviours and expectations emerge.

Guy I recently dated, during a chat where we were binge watching the same programme remotely, and where there had been no inappropriate comments or behaviour, asked if I wanted to see a cock shot. We'd fooled around by that point but nothing else. I said ok because I instinctively knew what he was going to send - a photo of a cockerel. And I was right.

Same porn sex expectations emerged once we got into bed and he'd satisfied me though

@TheSkysGoneOut

Besides, sex isn't a reward for well behaved men 🙄

^ this

I tried to get to know the guys I met online first, spending many hours talking and messaging. You can suss out the ones who only want sex and move on

This is true. But, IME, even the ones who want a relationship and are respectful still want the same kind of sex when you do have it.

If you’re in a Black Cab, are you really gonna leave the meter running so a middle aged perv can hop in the back and shag you on the backseat? Might as well pay for a fit Gigolo and do it in a hotel bed so you can order room service and watch trash TV after he’s done and gone

Totally missing the point of the thread, but I love this comment!!

Yes I can recommend going gay, but even then I feel like some sort of freak because I dont enjoy sleeping with anybody unless I know them well and have some sort of connection. Like theres this message in the modern world that we have to be fucking everything in sight or we're boring old spinsters.

Yeah, I've had a relationship with a woman. But where men are obsessed with sex (until you want more than them), there is lesbian bed death. It is a known thing.

My friend's husband left her for a woman who was 'wild' in bed...they were disgusting to my friend and she'd found out about their affair whilst she was still living with him and one day she came home from work and found a massive dildo just lying on their bed where he;d been with this woman.

They split and he went off with his new sex robot...only to find out some time later she had HIV and so did he.

Not laughing at him at all...it was shocking for the whole family...but God...what a lesson.

Perhaps you should stop looking for relationships online.
The vast majority of men on dating sites only have the kind of sex you're talking about on their minds when they register, so naturally that's what you're going to to be faced with.
Why not start a relationship the old-fashioned way? You know, meet someone, become friends, become something more... then you'll be having sex within the context of a proper relationship with someone you know and love and you can talk about these things.

ohhhhh vomcom I know a girl who did the fake taxi thingies. We got on until I found out she filmed a bit actually on top of a local war memorial. Yeah its very much her job, shes normal in real life.

Why not start a relationship the old-fashioned way?

My last two relationships started with men I met in real life. The penultimate one was a friend of a friend I'd known for years.

Made no difference.

He wasn't looking for just sex but it was definitely the type of sex he wanted when he had it.

Made no difference.

I wake up every morning praying I've gone gay overnight

That happened with my dad, Fluffy. Cheated on my mum then found out the OW had HIV (or aids as we said then). That was fun to live through at 6 years old.

sorry that was to fortune not fluffy