What to think? Affair?

[Boorosie]

So, i am in a state of utter confusion. My husbands email was open on joint laptop and i noticed an order placed earlier today with Lovehoney. To be delivered to a different address about 5 miles away tomorrow. We have not had a sexual relationship for a few years so i am 100% sure i am not the intended recipient. All seems.a.bit surreal and i have never for one second beleive my husband capable of infidelity, bit i dont honestly.know wjat else to think.any thoughts other than the glaringly obvious? 😪

Find out who lives there.

Is it not a toy he could use for himself? Did you see what he ordered?
Is their a reason you don’t have a sexual relationship anymore?
Sorry - I don’t know why I have all the questions.
I’d be a panicked mess too. I’m just not as composed as you and would have lost it there and then! Suppose you have time to go see who lives at the address?

Can’t think of a logical explanation unless he is getting something he wants for self pleasure delivered to a friend’s addressrather than home but the other scenario sounds more likely. Did you note the address?

Ive tried that, it s in a local holiday chalet park. 🤷‍♀️, so no registered resident i can see. Makes no sense

Have you ever discussed why you don’t have a sexual relationship? Is that a mutual
Decision or menopause/depression?

What did he buy? Is he happy in a celibate marriage?

The obvious would seem that he’s seeing someone who has access to a holiday home there and that’s where they meet? Does he go out much? If you don’t have a sexual relationship at all it would seem he’s maybe found that outside of the marriage. Why did it stop, have you talked about it?

Agree with @NC866

Sadly very likely that he is having an affair and the address for delivery either belongs to his lover or is where they meet

The fact that you no longer have a sexual relationship makes an affair even more likely

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, op. fingers crossed for a positive outcome.

Sorry op it seems likely it's an affair, confront him with what you know.

My guess is he's meeting someone there to have fun with whatever sex toy he ordered. If I were you, I'd be showing up uninvited and introduce myself.

If you haven’t had sex for years - why would you be so sure that your H won’t have sex with someone else?

Do people live in these chalets?

It doesn't look great from the outside, and I really want to say don't jump to conclusions.
Is it possible he has ordered something for himself to masturbate with ?

Thanks for all your replies. Its 2 items one of which wpuld be impossible to use alone, so , no, im certain not just for himself. It has been a.rocky road for the last few years ,and I understand the,..... "if its a celibate marriage" comments. I just cant get my head around the total dishonesty. I need to find out what is going on, because it is all just guess work now, plus i only came across the message a few hours ago

I'd say possibly an affair or sex worker arrangement. He should have either asked you for and open marriage or left you to be honest.

Can you go to the address to see who lives there, ask the reception desk?

Or what ever

It seems pretty conclusive OP. Really sorry for the shock and betrayal.

Can you get access to other messaging accounts he may have to see what you are dealing with? Either he is having a long term love affair, a series of casual hook ups or is paying to exploit sex workers. Each inexcusable but may affect how quickly you need to get moving.

Questions to consider:

1. Would any of the above scenarios be forgivable?
2. Even if forgiveable, is this a relationship you want to save?
3. Has he been preparing to leave and if so, what has he done so far?
4. Would you be screwed if the relationship ended today? Do you need time to get housing and finances sorted?
5. Are there children involved and what might the impact be on them?

Can you follow him?

I would say if no one permenantly resides there you're looking at one of the staff who is likely also married hence not wanting it to go to lovers home address.

Definitely affair, sorry OP...Don't say anything yet. He will only cover his tracks better, and you'll never get to the bottom of it.

Can you see when it's due for delivery? I'd be there then and see who the intended recipient is. Other than that you need to confront your DH. I'm sorry you're going through this @Boorosie

Thing is if he came to you and said he wanted sex outside of the marriage what would you have said? It must be an awful shock but you can't impose a sexless marriage on someone else

It sounds like an affair or possibly ordering toys for a girl on onlyfans or something to pleasure herself and send the videos to him. I know you said one toy would be impossible to use alone but i'm sure that for most toys someone could find a way to use all toys alone.

Why has there been no sexual relationship for years? Have you both been in agreement about that?

I would have asked him immediately tbh but agree that a celibate marriage will only work if everyone in it is happy without sex.