Still hasn't popped the question

[gettingfrustrated21]

DP bought an engagement ring well over 18 months ago. We've talked about getting married but he still hasn't popped the question. Ring still sat in its box in his cupboard.
This is odd isn't it? Given when he bought the ring. Is it a case of he's waiting for the right moment or does he have cold feet? Surely if you want to marry someone and have bought a ring, you give it to them?

How do you know he has a ring for you?

It is odd. Regardless of having bought the ring already or not, if he wanted to marry you, like really truly wanted to be your husband, you’d be wearing that ring and possibly even married by now. 18 months is a very long time.
Sorry

Yeah it's odd but how do you know about it and how long have you been together?

I was with him when he bought it. We'd been talking about getting engaged, we looked at some rings when out shopping one day, just for fun. I essentially saw one I loved.
He went back and got it. I know this because I've seen it in his cupboard with the receipt showing date/time when he got it. And its the ring I'd said I liked

Did he tell you he'd bought it at the time, or did you just find it? Sorry, I know the latter is perhaps unlikely, but the former is perhaps equally weird.

In your talks about marriage, do you think he has come away with (or expressed) the idea that you're expecting a big surprise "event" proposal?

I'd be tempted to just ask him "are we getting married or what?"

Been together 3 years

How do you know he's bought the ring? Have you found it accidentally? Did he tell you he'd bought it?

Sorry, cross-posted. Though your latest post is confusing - you said you were with him when he bought it, but also that he "went back and got it" and you later found the ring and receipt. So you weren't with him?

He's probably wondering why you aren't wearing it!
Seriously, I don't get this 'waiting to be proposed to' thing. You've discussed getting married, if you want to do that, discuss when/how you're having your wedding.

sorry not with him when he actually bought it, with him when we saw it

Crossed post. So he doesn't know that you know he's bought it?

i.e. he doesn't know that you know he bought it?

he went back and got it that day when I was in another shop

No, not yet.

So does he know you know about it? Why don’t you just ask him?

If you want to marry him then propose to him. You are not the heroine in a Victorian novel, you have agency.

Talk to him. You don't have to mention finding the ring, but you can say "we talked about getting married, it's been a while but I'd really like to get formally engaged and start planning the wedding, how do you feel?"

He doesn't know I know about it, at least I don't think so.
the subject of marriage has come up since he bought the ring but he hasn't mentioned the ring.
I just at first thought, he waiting for a special moment. But theres been loads he could've chosen which would have been an amazing proposal. Now I'm just thinking he actually doesn't want to marry me, he just said it because maybe at the time he did, but now he's got cold feet/changed his mind. Do I just blurt out - I know you have a ring and when you got it. Why the hell is it not on my finger? I don't want to pressure him if hes not ready, but then why buy a bloody ring?

Ps. Please God don't come out with some guff about "being traditional" which means the only thing you can do is passively wait to be proposed to. It sounds like you live together, so you aren't THAT traditional, so take action if you want things to change.

Is it still there in the cupboard or has it disappeared? Sorry just wondering if he changed his mind / got cold feet and took it back. If it’s still sat there then it’s very odd to buy a ring and leave it sat there that long without proposing! It’s not like he couldn’t possibly find the right moment in 18 months.... how is the relationship generally? I think if the ring is still there and he still hasn’t done it by January (maybe he’s waiting for Christmas?) I’d be wondering if you’re on the same page for your future together

I could understand if a man wanted to do a special proposal on holiday and had therefore not proposed in last few months due to all the restrictions but what about the first 9 months of owning the ring but not proposing?

How did you come to be looking at rings? Was it more at your suggestion or his? Have you talked about proposals / engagement since the shopping day? Maybe he thinks he needs a big proposal and just needs a shove to get on and get engaged (however it happens) and then married.

@Porcupineinwaiting I know, but I always had a bit of a dream of a romantic proposal and I kinda want to feel like a heroine in a victorian novel . I know things don't always (ever) go as we dreamed them, but I want him to propose to me, not the other way around.

Does he have male friends and what is their relationship status? If many of them are single maybe he thinks there's no rush yet.

Time to talk about your future plans together I think.

It's still in the cupboard. I looked at it this morning..
Otherwise the relationship is great, odd arguments but otherwise very good. He is very caring, mostly and I think he genuinely loves me. Or maybe he doesn't.
There were loads of romantic moments he could have done it. Including weekend breaks away before lockdown, last christmas, new year, my birthday, date nights, loads of times!

We were looking at rings as we'd discussed definitely going to be marrying each other. Mutual discussion, in fact more him than me I'd say. He was the one who steered me to the jewelry shops. We looked at a few normal rings and he bought me a ring there and then (not the engagement ring) and he jokingly had the assistant measure my ring finger when I tried on the other ring (just in case, he says). Thats when he asked my opinion on a few engagement rings and I saw some I liked then in one store, in the window there was this lovely ring, actually on sale aswell (probably why he bought it that day, thinking about it?)

Look, the thing is the only person with the answers is him. Maybe he felt pushed into the ring purchase. Maybe he has cold feet about commitment now. Maybe he adores you but thinks you expect a perfect moment and is paralysed by inadequacy. We don't know, and there's only one way to find out. Supposing he really is a good man who loves you, are you going to let things slip through your fingers just because you're hung up on some unrealistic, patriarchal idea of him falling on one knee without you having to say a word?