Still hasn't popped the question

[gettingfrustrated21]

DP bought an engagement ring well over 18 months ago. We've talked about getting married but he still hasn't popped the question. Ring still sat in its box in his cupboard.
This is odd isn't it? Given when he bought the ring. Is it a case of he's waiting for the right moment or does he have cold feet? Surely if you want to marry someone and have bought a ring, you give it to them?

That sucks. Sorry OP

Have you broken up and moved out/he’s moved out?

He proposed to try and put you in a holding pen, thinking you'd not do anything about marriage and he'd get another few years of reprieve. Unfortunately for him it backfired as you, quite rightly, presumed it meant he wanted to get married, so started to talk about it and try and arrange something.

So sorry to hear this update. If it helps my ex did the same. We were younger but together longer, he suggested we get married (named a date - in 2 months and location), took me ring shopping in Hatton garden and then radio silence. I lost weight. I bought a dress, told my dad (in front of him). Felt like an absolute fool. When I bought it up a year later he said he hadn’t actually formally asked me and we’d have to agree to disagree. This among other things made me leave him. He immediately said he wanted to get married and would have proposed on my next birthday. Best decision I made. Now married to someone else, a wonderful man 3 years later. Really hope the same happens for you x

You will find someone else who is so much better than this guy op. He's just an ass who wants an easy life. Well now he's got a lonely life.

I remember this thread, I’m so sorry it’s turned out like this. Have you moved out or has he?

Thank you all for your support.

Deep down, when I started this thread, I knew this would be the outcome really, I suppose I just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and right his monumental fuckup. And I wanted to be wrong and wanted to believe he really did love me and want me.

And no we are no longer together, I have moved out.

And yes I kept the ring. Its back in its rightful place - back of the cupboard.

Sorry to hear your update too
You’ll find something better

Next time get married before you move in.

@BigFatLiar

A lot of women in these long term unmarried relationships actually want to get married but have put their needs/desires to the wayside to appease their non committal boyfriends. For those who are genuinely happy to be unmarried, well it doesn't apply then because both the man and woman are on the same page.

OP's boyfriend is a waste, he clearly doesn't want to get married to her. If he was genuinely on the same page as her in terms of wanting not just any old non-commital relationship but a committed relationship with the intention for it to be lifelong, then he would be enthusiastic about getting married.

Yes, OP absolutely has to choose marriage with a man who feels the same, above being this man's good-for-now plaything. I don't know where this sentiment has come from that women don't deserve better than this and should just put up with being used by men. Very unfeminist.

I totally agree with you about marriage before moving in.

Sorry to hear this and thanks for updating the thread. A lesson to all of us, guy feelings or intuition are there for a reason. .
Ps, sell the ring it won’t have happy memories attached to it.

Gut feelings - not guy!

@LivBa

I think this is quite a sad thread. Best that they're over however as they have different outlooks.

I kinda want to feel like a heroine in a victorian novel
Who doesn't
Otherwise the relationship is great, odd arguments but otherwise very good. He is very caring, mostly and I think he genuinely loves me.
So they had a basically good relationship where the main problem was he wasn't making the big romantic proposal (and presumably wedding).
he wants to make sure hes sure and doesn't make a mistake, like with his first marriage.
Well there's the reason he's hesitant, once bitten. How many women on here are wary of new relationships after a divorce (probably not enough). At least she's saved him from the mistake.

I hope the OP finds someone who can provide the grand gestures and make her 'feel like a heroine in a victorian novel' and also still provide the good and caring relationship that she seems to have given up for her romance.

Incompatible, him looking for a life partner (warry of making a second mistake) her needing not just the commitment but the grand gesture and now.

And yes I kept the ring. Its back in its rightful place - back of the cupboard.

Oh, this is so poignant. 😞

I know it won’t feel like it at the moment, but - with my lofty wisdom - I know this is actually good news. Because now you don’t be married to someone who never really wanted to be married to you. Marriages are a real ballache to get out of, so you’ve dodged a HUGE bullet.

I’ve seen how this story ends. It played out a few times in my 20s with my friends. What happens is:

1. You spend a wild year feeling that all men are complete twats. You throw yourself into work, maybe go travelling (or, cos Covid, maybe not) and become your defiant feisty true inner self. You also lose 7lbs despite living on JustEat for a year.

1. You change some part of your appearance. It might be an edgy undercut, or a massive arm sleeve tattoo. I don’t know, but something changes. You love it.

1. After a year of hating men, you reembark on dating. You meet a few people but, meh.

1. Just when you’re about to give up on everything to do with penises completely, you meet a new bloke. He’s not your type. Initially you’re not that bothered. But you grow to like him because he’s just so unremittingly lovely. You feel really good when you’re around him - completely yourself, and 100% lovable.

1. He proposes. You’re struck by the irony of his wanting commitment before you this time. You feel like texting your ex to rub his face in it, but he’s sadly married now to an 85 year old mother of 28 drug addicts, and can’t afford his phone bill.

1. You marry, looking insanely hot, in a pretty country church. You have 3 kids in quick succession. Your DH wins the lottery and gives up his work (as a human rights lawyer/swimsuit model) to spend time with the children, while you refrain as a potter.

1. Your end of year degree show piece “the unworn ring” nets you a first class honours degree, an agent, and is put on show at the saatchi gallery. After a bidding war it sells for £36million. You use that money to cure cancer.

1. Your ex reads this news on the cover of the newspaper he’s using to keep warm on a park bench. His ex wife cheated on him with her arthritis carer, and dumped him. He never married again but dies, screaming your name, from an infected ingrowing toenail in 2030.

1. You live till you’re 120.

10. Your two eldest kids kids cure patriarchy and fix the planet, and the scattier third child becomes an estate agent. One day they help a woman just like you get back on her feet in a lovely one-bed garden flat.

The (happy) End.

@Newmum29 awful behaviour on your exp part there. Honestly what a prick.

Sorry to read your update OP- if it makes you feel any better, I was in a similar situation with my ex-DH and by the end of our relationship he constantly made me feel like he never even wanted to propose and I'd coerced him into it. We divorced and I don't think I'll ever get over feeling like the person I loved most in the world never really liked me very much. You are lucky to have found out now, before you married him! Take care of yourself x